street knowledge

Inside Omniscience/Ragnarök, Legion clutches his Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, I Am Legion, relating his horrific childhood in abusive foster homes, a lifetime on the streets, and his rescue of an HIV-infected crack baby from drug dealers and indifferent bureaucrats.

As motion-picture, branded lifestyle, and television agents introduce themselves, the puffy clouds outside the floor-to-ceiling windows make the gathering celestial. Legion starts by giving thanks to his guru Lester Barnes for putting together Ignition, telling the room he can’t wait to be on set with his director Thør Rosenthal and costar Betsy Yarborough.

The corporate consulting agents realize Legion’s dream of being a Memphis barbecue sauce entrepreneur with the launch of “Brimstone BBQ” on fellow client Rachael Ray’s cooking show; a Legion-inspired cologne will be offered exclusively at Macy’s as well as a line of homeless-chic apparel in partnership with Target/Isaac Mizrahi. In addition to Legion’s lucrative Claymation commercials for Coke Zero, a trio of book agents declare they have closed an eight-figure deal with HarperCollins for his inspirational tome FINDING ANTWON. Legion searches the room for the one person nobody thought to invite, his thousand watt smile disappearing—

“Where’s reader-guy?”

The room has no idea who Legion is talking about. Unscripted TV agent Bramley Nazarian announces Legion will produce and star in a new ABC reality dating show where top sororities from the number one party schools in the nation compete against the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, USC Song Girls, and famous MILFS like Kate Hudson and Jennifer Lopez to win his heart—

“People, we need to hit the pause button.”

The room temperature turns Arctic; north of the eightieth parallel, everybody freezes.

“I need Larry Mersault in this meeting.”

Fingers are snapped and an agent trainee is dispatched to retrieve the star’s favorite minion.