BEACH NUTS

Screenplay by Esther Rofoli

Low rent suspenser suffers from too many nameless slasher victims, too many storylines with zero thrills. In more pro hands, maybe this erotica/shark movie could have been pulled off. The third season filming of a JERSEY SHORE-type reality show collides with a Hammerhead shark attack that closes their beloved beaches so the cast members go clubbing and tanning instead. One of the cast members, Josie, starts sexting with the psycho Petrizzi and they become fuck buddies, which thrills the beach nut, who knocks off the reality stars in the house, saving the cameraman as his last victim. Idiotic exposition is perfect for this riff on reality contestants, spooned with mouthfuls of Petrizzi ranting about the golden age of scripted television versus the banality of Bravo TV. The best moment no question is when a naked Josie realizes the guy she’s in bed with is the lunatic who murdered all her friends. Struggle in the sack ensues; Josie chases Petrizzi into the ocean; hungry Hammerhead ends his bloody reign. Dark script fails to exploit the shark-infested waters* for tension, and misses the real point of the script: on-line dating is scarier.