showbiz

At every movie studio, whenever there’s a regime change, the new studio chief is given three envelopes by her predecessor: “Open the first when you’re in a jam, the second when you’re worried, and the third when you’re fucked,” says the outgoing studio head. A few months later, the disaster movie Volcanic ($150M budget/$38M worldwide cume) green-lit by the previous regime fizzles at the box office. Rumors fly about studio stability, so the new chief opens the first letter in her desk drawer: “Fire the head of marketing.” She gets rid of the well-liked marketing president and things calm down. A year later, the space oddity Warlords of Arkadia ($200M budget/$16M worldwide cume) crash lands on July Fourth with such a thud not even the forces of Subway and Burger King can halt the casualties. The studio chief opens the second letter: “Fire your president of production.” After another year of embarrassing flops, the studio is considered a bomb factory, agencies send their clients elsewhere, and the town calls her kaput. The studio chief opens the last envelope: “Write three letters.”