27

 

“You know, we make a pretty good team, Kate. What we did tonight could save a lot of lives.” Josh gave Kate the warmest smile he could muster.

She returned it, looking up into his eyes. “I know, Josh. That’s why I think God had a purpose in bringing us together. I think it began with the Key Arena incident. Maybe even before that. What do you think about that?”

Her eyes, her face, everything about Kate was beautiful, but her beliefs kept getting in the way. “I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.”

Her gaze became more intense, penetrating.

His mind seemed turned inside out, exposed to her. He wanted to hide, but the only thing available to hide behind was an argument.

Her smile had turned to a frown. “But don’t you think it’s possible?”

“Possible? Yeah, maybe. Probable? No, Kate.”

“So you really don’t believe in God?”

This was a sensitive issue with her, but he needed to be brutally honest. “I’m not sure about God, His role in this universe, about any of that.”

“You did ask me to pray several times during…you know.”

“That was just desperation. Not intellect.”

“But you’re not a Hawking or Dawkins follower are you?”

She wasn’t going to drop this until he ended it. He hated doing this to Kate, but he wanted this conversation brought to a speedy conclusion. Time to smash her make-believe world with the hammer of reality. “Let’s just say that God is needed for so few things that I’m not sure we need Him to explain anything at all. But more importantly, look at the mess the world is in. Children being abducted, murders, rapes, wars, drugs…”

“So you think there is no God, or He’s not good, or He’s just…impotent?”

“Something like that.”

“Which one?” She shook her head at him. “Forget the question, Josh. Suppose He wanted to have a relationship with the people He created, a love-based relationship?”

“Why?” He gave her a shrug. “The people are mostly bad.”

“You can’t force someone to love you…or to be good. Love requires allowing someone a measure of free will and, because of that, it requires taking risks.”

This conversation was no longer just annoying. Kate was probing into his heart in a way no one else ever had, and the direction her logic was headed made him far more than merely uncomfortable. From somewhere deep inside something or someone asked him a question. Have you actually examined your life and found any basis for what you profess to believe or disbelieve? He took the shot right in his intellectual solar plexus. He wasn’t even sure what he—

“Josh? Are you listening?”

“Yeah. I’m listening.” Well, he meant to be listening.

“Then answer me.”

“Uh…would you please repeat the question?”

Her penetrating, mind-reading gaze came again, full force. “What would you risk to have a relationship with someone you cared about? Danger? Perhaps death?”

“Maybe…” He looked at Kate and instantly knew the truth. He would risk everything for her. Did that mean he loved Kate?

“That’s what God did when he came to this earth as a man, to open the door for the relationship between bad people and a good God. He risked everything, including scorn and rejection. He even risked His life. And by giving it, He made a relationship with Him possible.”

Kate’s words had raised a dagger positioned over his heart. Was she going to shove it in? “Josh, isn’t that what you’re risking to have a relationship with me? I’m not stupid, you know.”

He looked down at the floor. Kate’s words had pushed the dagger in, dead center. But was God like that? The Bible said He was like a father. Wouldn’t a father sacrifice himself for his children? And Josh would certainly sacrifice himself for Kate. She was worth it. But how could God see in Josh the goodness Josh saw in Kate?

He looked up into her eyes, into warmth that seldom replaced the intensity in those brilliant blue eyes. He couldn’t lie to her about taking risks to be with her. “Yeah. But you’re worth it, Kate.”

She shook her head. “I’m glad you think so, but I’m not perfect. I’m not even that good. Five years ago I was within a split second of killing a nineteen-year-old-girl, Anya. A girl I now love and correspond with.”

“You mean you accidentally almost killed her?”

“No. I was intentionally delivering a deadly blow that would have crushed her larynx. I meant to kill her for something bad she had done. I set myself up as her judge, jury, and executioner. My Granddad grabbed my wrist and stopped me. But I had already committed murder in my mind and heart and was in the process of killing this girl. I held nothing back when I went for the kill.” She paused and gave him that penetrating stare again. “You’ve never tried to kill anyone, have you?”

He looked away. “No, but—”

“No buts about it. I’m worse than you, Josh.” She stopped and her words sank deep into his heart. “But God loves me. He proved it by allowing Jesus to die in my place, murderer that I am. And now I’m God’s own, adopted into His family, just like Mom and Dad adopted me into theirs.”

Kate’s sincerity, her logic, and her intensity pulled hard on his heart. But there were other questions that needed to be answered. What about the existence of God? People could have simply made him up because they needed something to help them survive. But would relying on something that didn’t even exist actually help you survive? And if God really was Who Kate described, He would know what people needed, right? Was that why Josh was drawn to Kate, to her story, and its explanation?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

You can’t have it both ways, dude.

But he needed to be certain before committing to something so—the word, certain, arrested his thoughts. A person can’t be absolutely certain about anything, not certainty in the sense of a mathematical proof. He wasn’t certain about Kate. He saw her, observed her, wanted to be with her. Somehow, he just knew. For reasons already set in his heart, the way he was wired, Josh knew Kate was a person he wanted in his life. She was the proof.

Would it be the same way with God? Josh couldn’t prove God absolutely. An infinite Being could always remain beyond his finite grasp, unless He—

“He reaches out to us, Josh.” Kate’s voice came softly. She took his hand.

He gasped at her words, an answer to his unspoken question.

Kate pulled his hand to her heart and held it there. “He reaches out because He loves us and wants us to be with Him forever.”

Where had Kate’s words really come from? What was going on here? Coincidences? Was this just Kate’s influence on him? Or was God reaching out to Josh through Kate?

Josh needed to stick with Kate. He sensed that through her would he find the answers to his questions, the missing pieces to the puzzle of reality.

“Our world is broken, Josh. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle where we only have part of the pieces.”

Puzzle? He drew a sharp breath. Was Kate somehow reading his mind?

“He gave us enough pieces so that, if we put them together, we anchor the big picture. We can see the big picture and recognize it for what it is. We can see God in it. We just can’t see all the details. Put the pieces you already have together, Josh, and you will see God as an integral part of the big picture.”

The whole conversation was eerie, confining. Like a chess match when there were no more moves left. Checkmate. “Kate…I—”

The whopping of a big chopper’s rotor grew loud. Peterson was here.

Josh had been in checkmate, but somebody kicked the chessboard and the pieces were scattered in disarray. Would Kate try to recreate the checkmate?

What do you think, dude?