“I'm really not hungry enough for a steak,” Micah commented as she reviewed the menu. “I think I'll have a salad with the sourdough bread.”
“That's all?” Rob closed his menu.
“That's plenty,” she replied. She wouldn't mention how much she had snacked during the afternoon.
“All right, Miss Shepherd.” He studied her, looking at her that same way he had in his office the first time they met. As if he wanted to say something but wasn't certain it should be said.
“Have we taken a step backward in time that I'm not aware of and returned to the days of ‘Miss Shepherd’ and ‘Mr. Granston’?”
“No, but you've barely said a word since I picked you up, and you're dressed rather businesslike,” he answered from across the table, glancing at what was visible of the bittersweet-red suit and blouse of oyster white.
It had been a deliberate choice. Micah wanted to have a nice evening, but not too nice.
“You don't like what I'm wearing?” she asked, looking down at her clothes.
“Your outfit accomplishes its purpose,” he stated with the firm line of his mouth curving into a smile.
“So you don't like it?”
“Oh, but I do,” he responded. “It's very professional. If you're ever called upon to represent someone in court, I suggest you wear it.”
Micah's eyes sparked at the sound of his stinging words.
“Then I think it would be appropriate for a meeting with an attorney.”
“This is not a meeting with an attorney,” he replied quietly. “This is a date…a date with a man who is very much interested in you.” He looked away, toward the waiter who approached their table, before returning his gaze to her. “I'm wondering whether your distrust is of me personally or of all men in general.”
“Would the lady care for something from the bar, Mr. Granston?” The question from the waiter sliced into their discussion.
“No,” Rob answered without asking Micah. “Thank you, anyway, Henry.”
The waiter nodded and left them alone again.
“How did you know that I don't drink? You didn't ask.”
“You don't, do you?” Rob responded. “It wouldn't fit with your Christian view of things.”
“That's true, but why didn't the waiter offer to bring something for you? You've given up your Christianity.” Micah's words sounded harsher than she had meant them to.
“I'm in here a lot, and Henry knows I never order anything from the bar for myself,” Rob explained. “I have a brother-in-law who's an alcoholic, and, well, it's not a pretty picture, Micah.”
“Angela's husband?” she asked in disbelief.
“Yes,” he answered and smiled. “It seems I couldn't save my little sister from all of life's heartaches.”
“It was never your responsibility to do that in the first place,” Micah commented.
“Spoken like an only child,” he said quietly.
Rob's remark hurt more than Micah would admit. She slid her menu over to him, and he picked it up, putting it with his as their waiter approached to take their order.
“Why does Angela stay with an alcoholic husband?” she asked once the waiter had left.
Rob shook his head, obviously mystified by the situation. “She says she loves him. She isn't a quitter, you know. She's in it for the duration.”
“No matter what you say?”
“Apparently,” Rob replied. “My advice certainly has not been to stay with him.”
“I see Angela five days a week now since I'm working at Wellspring Elementary for the rest of the year.”
“That's a lengthy assignment for a sub, isn't it? How did that happen?” Rob asked.
“Maternity leave for the regular teacher. It makes it nice for me,” she commented, looking at the dormant fireplace not far from their table. “I enjoy going to the same school every morning, getting to know the children, eating lunch with the same people….”
“If you like familiarity, why haven't you considered accepting a permanent position?”
“I've thought about it, but I haven't checked into it yet. I've only lived in Columbus for two years, and when I came here I wasn't sure how long I would stay. But I like it more than I ever thought I would.”
“As a veteran of thirty-two years, I can say it's a great place to live.”
“So I've discovered,” Micah replied.
“What brought you here?”
Micah laughed softly as she considered her reasoning. “I was looking at a map, and I thought Columbus sounded like a good choice.”
“A scientific approach,” Rob remarked, smiling.
“I was living in Missouri at the time—Kansas City—and I knew it was time to move, but I—”
“Why was it time to move?” he interrupted.
“It was time,” Micah said quietly. The past had come too close to touching her, but how could she explain that to him? “Sometimes you can just feel it.”
Rob searched her face with inquisitive eyes, seeking answers she would not yet give. “Micah—”
“There were problems, family problems when I was a teenager,” she stated in an unsteady voice. “I've been on my own since I was eighteen, and I've lived in quite a few places.” There, she thought. I've said it. Said something, although Micah knew it would not be enough. Averting her gaze, she took a sip of water.
Rob studied her silently for a moment “Eighteen is very young to be on your own. It couldn't have been easy.”
“I got used to it,” she answered truthfully. “Most kids leave home after high school anyway, to get jobs, go to college, whatever….”
“How did you get through college?”
“I worked. Secretarial jobs during the day, waitressing on the weekends. And I earned all the credits I could through a University Without Walls program in the evenings.”
Rob watched her as she explained.
“When I'd finished all the courses I could in that program, I left my office job and waited tables in the evenings so I could attend daytime classes.”
“When did you study?”
“Whenever I could. Breaks on the job, during meals, sometimes when I should have been sleeping,” she said. “It was difficult, but I made it. I'm a teacher.”
“So you are,” Rob agreed. “And a very good one, too, according to my sister. I understand the kids love you.”
“They're a fun bunch of kids to work with.”
“Micah, where are you from originally?”
“California. A small town not far from Sacramento,” she replied as the waiter brought a loaf of sourdough bread to the table with their salads. Micah was glad for the interruption. Talk about hometowns made her even more nervous than the disturbing warmth she found in Rob's eyes.
Time passed quickly as they spoke of the city and their hobbies and a dozen different things. Micah wondered if she would ever work her way to the bottom of the heaping bowl of fresh garden greens. So the talk about her hometown and the past was tabled, at least temporarily. For that, she was grateful. And the conversation they should have been having was forgotten in the midst of their laughter. They weren't good for each other, she knew. So why did it feel so right?
“That was a delicious meal, Rob,” she said and slipped her arm through his as they exited the restaurant more than an hour later. “That bread was wonderful.”
“I'm glad you liked it.” Rob opened the car door for her. “How about a movie?”
“But there's something we need to discuss,” Micah reminded him. “You said you'd let me explain why we can't—”
“Couldn't you explain it to me just as well after the movie?” It seemed the discussion could wait, but the film could not. The movie they wanted to see was due to start in thirty minutes, and they were nearly fifteen minutes from the theater.
Rain clouds threatened when they entered the show, and they found an actual downpour when they came out, one comedy and two boxes of popcorn later.
“I'll bring the car around to pick you up,” Rob said as they stood under the theater's awning.
“No, it's not far. Let's run for it”
“It's pouring. You'll get soaked,” Rob protested.
“You're just afraid I can beat you to the car,” she dared him. Before he could respond, Micah stepped out into the rain, pulling her suit jacket over her head to cover part of her hair, and they both ran through the chilly downpour. Their laughter rose above the heavy pull of the sheets of water drenching them. They reached the car simultaneously, opened the doors and climbed in quickly.
“You should have locked your car!” Micah exclaimed. “It could have been stolen.”
“But aren't you glad I didn't? We'd still be standing out there if I had,” Rob answered.
Their laughter filled the automobile, and Rob wiped the rain from his face.
“How can you run in those shoes?” he asked, watching as Micah pushed wet strands of hair from her cheeks. She worked her fingers through it, untangling what she could.
“I was surprised that I could,” she said, breathing hard from the exhilarating run. “If I had my tennis shoes on, I'd have had a better chance of outrunning you.”
Rob's response came rather smugly. “Don't count on it.”
The smile faded from Micah's face when she looked up at him. In that moment, she realized she didn't want to outrun him anymore. And the deep green of her eyes mirrored her thoughts.
The laughter faded from Rob's voice. The car seemed small; they were so close. Micah wiped a trickle of rain from her cheek, feeling the furious pounding of her heart in rhythm with the rain that fell on the roof, cutting them off from the world and shielding them with a wet curtain of privacy.
“Micah…” Rob spoke her name quietly, and it sounded lovelier than it ever had before. Then he leaned slowly toward her, and when his mouth touched hers, it was warm and undemanding, as though he expected her to pull away. But she did not Rob was kissing her and although she had not wanted to admit it, that was what she had wanted almost from the first moment she met him.
She moved closer to him, placing a hand tentatively against his chest to brace herself and returned his kiss with newly discovered longing.
A sharp crack of lightning caused Micah to jump.
Rob smiled. She could feel the curve of his mouth against her own before the kiss ended.
“Afraid of lightning?” he whispered as they leaned together, forehead to forehead.
Micah smiled, too, with her eyes closed, while she enjoyed the flow of Rob's breath across her cheeks.
“No. I like storms,” she answered. The lightning flashed again.
Rob turned to glance out the window. “Looks like it's slacking up enough to drive home.”
Micah nodded. The storm did seem to be calming down a little, but the rapid beating of her heart was not. “Yes, it has,” she agreed, pulling her wet hair away from her neck and letting it fall down the back of her jacket.
Rob started the engine and maneuvered the car away from the curb. The ride home was quiet Micah spent most of her time staring out the window, watching the lightning grow farther and farther away in the distance.
The rain had picked up in intensity again when they pulled into the last available parking space in front of Micah's apartment
“It's been a lovely evening,” Micah said in a soft voice while she busied herself buttoning her jacket, purposely avoiding Rob's gaze.
“Micah,” he began, drawing her attention to the serious blue of his eyes.
Her mouth felt dry and she swallowed hard. Clasping her hands together in front of her to keep them from fidgeting, she waited for his words.
But looking into the wide green eyes that viewed him so cautiously must have changed Rob's mind because he didn't speak right away. Instead, he touched her cheek tenderly.
“I have to be at school early in the morning,” she managed to say while staring into his questioning eyes.
He studied her expression, one of half confusion and half fear, and his smile alleviated some of both. “All right, Micah,” he replied quietly. “Maybe some other time.”
And maybe not, she thought as she reached for the car door, not waiting for him to open it for her. This would be the end of it; it must be.
“Wait…” His warm hand rested on her left arm. “Don't go.” His words were spoken so softly and with such tenderness, they nearly melted her heart…and her reasoning. Rob's hand moved up her arm to her shoulder and gently he pulled her toward him, into his arms. And when they came together, it was with the same longing she had experienced earlier. But now, their deepening kiss caused Micah to want more and more until
“Rob.” She gasped for breath, pulling away from him. “I have to go in—”
“Don't run away,” he said in a gentle tone. “Don't be afraid of me.”
“I'm not, it's just that—” Micah stopped. She should have told him goodbye last night. Would he ever understand that everything in her life was temporary? She opened the car door, but he reached across her and pulled it shut. Rain trickled down the inside of it.
“You are afraid,” he answered quietly, “but there's no reason to be.”
She knew instinctively she could trust this man although she did not understand why. “I don't want anything to happen,” she insisted.
“Then nothing will,” he replied. “I know what it means to be a Christian, Micah. When I said I was one years ago, it was real.”
She looked over at him only to find a distant look in his eyes, and she waited for his explanation.
“I just couldn't go on with it forever…the way you can.”
“But why? If it was real once, you know it can be again.”
Rob shook his head, but not as emphatically as he could have, Micah noted with hopefulness. Then he continued. “Not now. Maybe someday if I could feel that trust again. But the point to this conversation is that I know you shouldn't be dating a nonbeliever, and you probably wouldn't have even gone out with me under ordinary circumstances.”
“Probably not,” she admitted. “But when Mr. Lacey had his heart attack and we were there…everything happened so quickly. It seemed logical to want to talk more with you. How could I have known that by the time dinner was over, I'd feel this way about you? I mean, Rob, it was just pancakes!”
“That seemed innocent enough, didn't it?” Rob commented and laughed gently at her words. Then he touched her chin, tenderly turning her focus back to his eyes. “Do you hear what you're saying, Micah? You feel this as strongly as I do.”
“Yes, but…I don't know what to say. We can't keep on seeing each other. It won't work.”
“It can work. I don't believe all the things that you believe, but I won't stand in your way. Go to church, be the Christian you ought to be, love God more than anyone if that's how it has to be. But don't run away from what we could have together.”
Chills ran through her. Her clothes were still damp and she shivered. She could have opened the door to go, but she found herself more drawn to him than ever by his tenderness. “Rob, I want us to be honest with each other, and the truth is, I left California to get away from my family. I have a mother who doesn't love me, a father I never see and no one else. I'm probably not a good risk for anyone's future, but especially not yours. My father—” She stopped.
He waited for a moment, then asked, “Your father…what?”
“He worked for a successful company near Sacramento. Things didn't go right. He's been in trouble with the law, and my mom moved away because of it. I guess I did, too.”
“What did he do?”
“It doesn't matter. The important thing is that you understand a future with me would mean nothing but problems for you. Who knows? You could become a partner at Alsmore, Barlett and Maine one day or go into politics to become a judge. But with me…”
“Specifics, Micah. Why would having you in my life hurt my future?”
“You don't want anyone who comes from my family tree.”
“I don't just want someone who comes from your family tree, Micah. I want you. And, unless you can look me in the eyes and honestly tell me you don't feel the same about me, I'm not walking away from this.”
Micah averted her gaze to look out the window. She could not do what he asked, and he knew it as surely as she did.
“Don't be afraid of ‘us,’” he said, touching her damp curls.
“It's not what you think it is.”
“Then tell me what it is.”
Micah had never come close to sharing her secrets with anyone until that moment, looking into Rob's warm eyes. But she had not moved all those miles, halfway across the country, only to tell the story again. She shook her head, her hair moving against her shoulders.
Rob searched her troubled expression and sorrowful green eyes that reflected painful memories. “Did someone hurt you?” he asked hesitantly.
“No, nothing like that,” she answered. But the remarks and gossip a decade ago had stung almost as though it had been a physical affliction. “Rob, I can't talk about this. Not now—” Her voice broke off.
He nodded. “All right, when you're ready.”
But Micah sensed there would be some things she'd never be ready to discuss. Not with Rob.
“I should go,” she stated softly, turning to leave.
“I'll walk you to the door.”
“No,” she protested. “You have a long drive home. If you get out in this rain, you'll get drenched again.”
“C'mon, let's go,” he said and opened his car door.
“But there's no reason—”
Rob disregarded Micah's argument and came around to open her door. “You're not walking through that dark courtyard by yourself.” He took one of her hands in his, and they hurried through the rain to the gate and back toward the rear apartment.
Micah slid the key into the lock and they stepped inside the doorway, out of the stormy spring weather.
“Thank you, but I walk through that courtyard alone nearly every evening.”
“You shouldn't,” he stated. “You need an apartment that isn't so secluded.”
She switched on the light in her not-so-tidy living room. Paints and brushes were scattered on top of her old coffee table and an easel sat in front of the window.
“Thank you for dinner…the movie…everything,” she said.
“I want to see you again.”
“No, Rob, please, let it go.”
“I won't.” Rob's warm hand brushed her face, tilting her chin up, and he studied the glimpse of honesty Micah had unknowingly shown him in a lingering gaze. “Tomorrow?”
Mixed feelings ran through her at the sound of his words. Another evening with him. What would it mean? Would it really matter so much? “Rob, we shouldn't.”
“But we will,” he stated bluntly.
“You're the one who will be hurt.”
“I'll take my chances,” he responded, and kissed her lightly on the temple. “Seven o'clock?”
“No, I have a class to teach at the tech school tomorrow evening. I'll be home around seven-thirty.”
“That's not so late. I could come by then for a while,” he commented with a hint of a smile returning. He hesitated for a moment, and Micah thought he might kiss her again. But he made no move to touch her. “Tomorrow,” he said as he slipped away from her, through the door into the rainy evening.
Micah closed the door and leaned against it. This was going in the wrong direction…and quickly.
The next day passed slowly for Micah as she silently berated herself throughout the hours for agreeing to see Rob again. More time spent with him would only make her want him more. But her heart was still winning out in the decision-making process when day turned to evening.
Rob arrived at exactly half past seven. Micah had returned home from class only minutes earlier, and she excused herself to change clothes.
“Could I use your phone to call my brother while you are changing? He left a message for me at work today asking me to call and, so far, I haven't been able to reach him.”
“Sure, go ahead,” Micah replied before disappearing into the bedroom and slipping out of her slacks and blouse and into a sky blue top and a soft, summery skirt splashed with color. She slid both feet into her favorite leather sandals and was walking from the bedroom back to the living room while running a brush through her free-flowing hair when she overheard part of Rob's telephone conversation.
“Yes, you can use the boat. I'm going to be too busy this weekend anyway. No, I had dinner with Liz tonight. Right. We had a good time. Sure, no problem. I'm at Micah's apartment now. See you later.”
Micah stood in the doorway, and Rob replaced the receiver and looked up at her. “Ready? I thought we could go out for coffee and dessert.”
Dessert. He had obviously already had dinner. With Liz.
“Micah?” he said when she failed to respond.
She forced a smile. “Fine. That sounds fine.” Then she picked up the sweater she had left on the sofa. So what if there was a Liz? Micah had no future with him anyway. What had she expected?
“There's a little restaurant a few blocks from here that's famous for its strawberry pie. Does that sound good?”
“Yes, it's fine,” she replied, wondering why her mind had gone so blank that “fine” was the only adjective she could think of. Other than “jealous.”
They left her apartment and walked the few short blocks to the corner café where pie and coffee awaited them. Once seated in a semiprivate booth in the corner, Rob placed their order and studied the distant look in Micah's eyes.
“You're not talking much this evening. Did you have a bad day?” he inquired.
“No.” The day had been good. It was the night that was falling apart. “How about you?” she asked politely.
“What's wrong, Micah? Something has happened.”
“No, it's nothing.”
“We said we'd be honest,” Rob reminded her. “It was your idea.”
The waitress appeared with their food. Rob thanked her, then returned his attention to Micah, who sat staring into the swirl of cream she had poured into her coffee.
Honesty. It really had been her idea. “How was your dinner?” she asked in an artificially even tone. She knew it was none of her business, but the question would give her no peace.
“Dinner?” he responded with a frown. “Good. Fun. Why?”
He was going to make this difficult. She could see that in his casual reply.
“Just wondered.”
“Liz called and said she was free for dinner and I was, too, so—”
“You can be free now, too, if you want to be. I told you we shouldn't see each other again,” she said softly, being careful not to show any emotion. “You didn't need to cut your other plans short to keep this late date with me.”
Rob had every right to be angry, and Micah fully expected to be informed that this was none of her business. But there was no sign of anger evident. In fact, Micah thought she saw a glimpse of a smile as he raised the coffee cup to his mouth before responding.
“You don't know who Liz is, do you?” he commented, a definite smile now curving his lips.
“Is there any reason I should?” She studied her untouched dessert. Even strawberry pie didn't look good. What was this man doing to her?
“You've worked with her every day this week.”
Micah looked up at him in blank surprise.
“Angela Elizabeth,” he stated.
“Your sister?” A warm blush of embarrassment colored her cheeks, and she raised a hand to her mouth. “I didn't know…I mean…you call her Liz?”
“I have since I was old enough to know she preferred being called Angela. Teasing that has stuck over the years.” Rob reached across the small table, covering Micah's hand with his own. “Feel better?”
“Better?” she moaned. “I feel like a fool. I thought—”
“A little jealousy is good for a relationship,” he replied and released her hand. “Now, eat your pie.”
After several minutes of discussing the events of their workdays, Rob began a new line of conversation which surprised Micah almost as much as finding out who Liz was. It was about his past. And Nick.
“I remember coming in here for lunch occasionally, with Nick, years ago. The strawberry pie was the main attraction. Well, that and a pretty blond waitress.”
“That you liked?” Micah stuck a fork into a berry and raised it to her mouth.
Rob shook his head. “Nick. He fell in love with her.”
Nick. Rob's friend who had died, Micah recalled. The link between the man Rob is now and who he used to be. She put down the fork. “What happened?” she asked quietly.
“She died with him in the accident” Rob stared into his coffee cup, and Micah knew he was avoiding her gaze. She sat silently, uncertain whether or not to pursue the subject. Finally, she offered, “You still miss him.”
And Rob met her eyes, the stern look Micah glimpsed suddenly softening. “I always will.”
Micah nodded. She understood how that pain felt. “Always” could be a very long time. She placed her hand around the warm cup, hoping Rob would continue. And he did.
“Nick and Rachel had gone to hear a missionary they both knew speak in Cincinnati. They started home after the service. It had been raining…the roads were slick. And, in the dark, in the drizzle… he missed a curve.”
Micah's heart ached for the loss. Rob's. Nick and Rachel's. She watched him avert his gaze to look out the nearby window.
“They hit a tree and died. Just that quickly, Micah. He made a mistake, and they both died.”
She listened without comment…and waited.
“Nick is…was the finest Christian I've ever known. He didn't deserve to die so young…and not like that. What a senseless loss.”
“Yes, it is,” she agreed softly. “I don't know why so many things happen that we don't understand.”
Rob glanced back into Micah's eyes with a critical look. “Neither do I. At the funeral I asked the district superintendent how something like this could happen. To Nick of all people. He loved the Lord and tried to serve Him how he knew best. And yet, he was dead. So, what do you suppose the D.S.'s answer was?”
Micah gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “I don't know.”
“That's it. ‘I don't know,’” Rob gave a harsh laugh. “‘I don't know,’” he repeated, running a hand through his hair in a restless movement “What kind of an answer was that for the deaths of two good people?”
“An honest one.”
“An inadequate one,” Rob retorted. “And I knew I was about to plunge into a world of inadequate answers…a lifetime of them.”
“That's what faith is all about, Rob. None of us will get very far in this life without it.”
“I didn't have enough. Not then, not now.”
Micah weighed her words carefully. “Nick was your best friend. He wouldn't want his death to cost you your relationship with the Lord. I think it would break his heart to know that about you.”
“Knowing Nicholas Alsmore the way I did, I'm sure you're right.” Rob's eyes flashed an angry glance, and he signaled for their check.
“Alsmore? Of Alsmore, Barlett and Maine? Your law firm?”
“One and the same,” he responded, pulling several bills from his wallet. “Nick was the son of Taylor Alsmore, the senior partner. He had planned to become a lawyer.” Rob rose from his seat in the booth and held out his hand to Micah.
She took the hand extended and stood up to leave with him. “And now you work with Nick's dad…in place of Nick….”
“No one can replace Nick,” Rob remarked while opening the door to exit the restaurant “But, yes, I work with his dad.”
They stepped out onto the brick sidewalk and began to walk the several blocks to Micah's apartment, hand in hand, and Micah couldn't remember such a simple pleasure meaning so much. She walked silently by his side, knowing she could have held his hand forever, through lack of faith, loss of friends, days of thunder and lightning or sunshine. Forever. And the thought terrified her. She needed to think about something else. Anything else. Maybe Rob would talk more about his past.
“Do you work with Alsmore because you want to, or because you think you should?” She asked the question that nagged at her.
“The shoulds and the oughts make a lot of demands on us, don't they?” he replied and squeezed her hand. “It's a good job, Micah. The money is great, the future looks promising….”
A stab of guilt pierced her heart. She was enjoying the present far too much to consider the future. His or hers. And she wanted to know more about his past.
“Rob, tell me about Nick. What was he like?”
“We grew up on the same street, started kindergarten and went all through school together.” He smiled. “We played army and cops and robbers after school. Then came Little League, and junior-high basketball. We both learned to drive the same summer.” Rob stopped speaking, and Micah walked along with him in silence.
“I'm trying to think how to describe him. Confident, I guess, and happy…funny…self-disciplined…optimistic…a good judge of people. He'd have made a great lawyer.”
Too soon they reached their destination, and Rob swung open the black wrought-iron gate. They entered, walking through the courtyard to Micah's front door.
“Rachel always said Nick was a gentleman. I think that's a good word for him.”
Micah unlocked the door, and they stepped inside. “Then Nick was a lot like you,” she offered, looking up at the warmth she knew she'd find in his eyes.
Rob took Micah easily into his arms, gently pulling her close. “You've reminded me to be a gentleman at a most inopportune moment, you know.”
“Sorry.” She whispered the insincere apology with a tender smile.
“Me, too,” Rob responded, the words nearly smothered as his mouth descended to meet hers in a kiss that slowly weakened every fiber of Micah's resolve. But, too soon, Rob pulled away, brushing her forehead with a tender “Good night.” Then he stepped out into the courtyard again and was gone. With no mention of tomorrow.