Joe was late in coming home, and since he had Bobby with him, Rachel was alone at the house for most of the evening. Unfortunately, she was also alone with her thoughts. They were not kind thoughts or conciliatory ones. All she could think about was that she and Joe had just had their first real argument since they’d gotten married, and it had been a doozy.
She blamed it all on Carl. If it weren’t for him, she and Joe would still be happy together.
Had Joe actually threatened to leave her?
When she heard Joe’s car pull up, Rachel made certain that she was busy doing something else. What? Dusting. She grabbed a rag from the closet and began to skim it over the nearest surface.
As Joe and Bobby came through the door, neither acknowledged the other. Bobby was subdued, looking from one parent to another and sensing that something was wrong.
“Time for bed, Bobby,” Rachel said. “I’ll run your bathwater.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Joe said.
“All right.”
For the first time since their marriage began, she did not help Joe tuck Bobby in after his bath. Being in the same room with Joe didn’t seem like a good idea right now.
Forty-five minutes later, Joe came down the stairs. Having dusted everything she could in the small house, she was now energetically polishing the kitchen faucet.
“Excuse me,” he said. She politely moved aside while he got a glass of water. The air was thick with unspoken words.
She could hardly believe Joe was being so cold to her. In the past, he’d always been so understanding and comforting. But if they were going to talk, he was going to have to initiate it—which he did.
“You didn’t come up to tuck Bobby in,” he said. “I know it’s because you’re hurt and mad, but he was upset about it. I think we’d better talk this out before we damage him further.”
That was the second time he’d accused her of being a bad mother. Instead of hearing the concern in his voice, she was incensed by what she felt was an accusation. Being Rachel, she knew only one thing to do. Fight back.
“You threatened to leave me—when I’m pregnant with your child. I never expected that out of you. What kind of man does that?”
“I wasn’t threatening to leave you; I was telling you that I’ll do whatever I have to—no matter how much it hurts me—to protect my son.”
“From me?”
“From your anger. I love you, Rachel, but tonight Bobby asked me why you are mad at him. I tried to explain that you aren’t mad at him; you’re mad at someone else. He said he understood, but how can he? I’m not sure that I even understand. It feels like you’re mad at me all the time too. Bertha tells me she’s afraid to say anything to you for fear you’ll blow up at her. Even Darren is feeling the tension.”
“You’ve been discussing me with other people?”
“No, other people have been discussing you with me. They are worried about you. So am I, but I won’t let you hurt my son with your inability to get over the fact that Carl is out of prison and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re an adult. You can make your own decisions. I realize that what you went through as a child damaged you far beyond what I ever suspected, but I can’t change that now. All I can do is try to make sure my son is okay. Bobby’s a child. He needs to have a parental buffer between him and the world. That’s what I intend to do. But I never dreamed I would have to be a buffer between him and you.”
Rachel felt as if she were going to explode. “I need to get out of here,” she said.
“Good idea,” Joe shot back.
It surprised her that he didn’t try to talk her into staying.
She drove around town trying to decide where to go. Under the circumstances, the sanctuary of her aunts’ house did not feel like an option. She would probably get a lecture. Naomi had an extra room and was a good friend, but if she went there, she would probably hear some Amish platitude about not letting the sun go down on her wrath. With their money issues, a hotel was too expensive.
Finally, she went to the only place she was certain would welcome her. She had a key to the police station and there was a cot in the back room. With any luck, she could come in by the back door without the dispatcher noticing. Explaining why she was there was not something Rachel wanted to do right now.