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THE NEXT DAY PAT, EMMA, and I were crowded around my computer screen, examining a photograph. It had been taken at a music festival out in the California desert. If you looked closely at the crowd, where Pat had inserted a highlighted circle, you could see Scott Nixon, missing chair of the English department, holding a red Solo cup. A teenage girl in cutoff jeans and a swimsuit top sat on his shoulders.
“What’s the date on the picture?” I asked.
“From the date stamp, it was three days ago,” Pat said. “It looks like he’s there of his own free will.”
“So are you gonna write a story about it?” Emma asked. “The runaway department chair, or something?”
“I don’t know if there’s much of a story here. It’s summer. We’re not on duty. If Scott wants to travel, there’s nothing to stop him. Making this public would just embarrass Nicole.”
“Convenient that when the police wanted to talk to Scott Nixon, he was out of town,” I said. “I really thought it was significant that Nicole Nixon was asking whether blood and bones make good fertilizer. But now that Scott’s turned up alive, I don’t know what to think.”
“It would depend on what your soil needs,” Emma said. “Bone meal is a good source of phosphorus, and you would use blood meal to supplement the nitrogen. So Pat, are you going to tell us how you found Scott so fast?”
“You know the facial recognition site you guys showed me? I grabbed Scott’s photo from our department website and started there.”
“Brilliant, Pat. Thank you.” I picked up the phone and dialed Honey Akiona. “Scott Nixon isn’t dead,” I told her voicemail. “He’s alive and partying in the high desert. Pat Flanagan found him on someone’s blog. I’ll email you the photo. I’m in my office right now.”
“Should we tell Nicole?” Emma asked.
“Tell me what?”
Nicole stood in my doorway. “About Scotty?”
Emma and I nodded.
“Pat, I got your message. Can I see?” She came in and peered at the computer screen. “Oh yeah, it’s him. I’d recognize that entitled, self-centered...ugh”
“How about the girl sitting on his shoulders?” Pat asked.
Nicole looked more closely, then nodded and began to blink rapidly. I retrieved a new box of tissue from my bottom desk drawer, pulled off the plastic, and handed it to her. She was blowing her nose as she left my office with my tissue box.
“Still looking forward to getting married?” Pat asked when Nicole was gone.
“We’re just going to the Business Boosters thing tomorrow night. No wedding bells.”
“And you don’t mind getting Sherry Di Napoli’s leftovers?” Pat persisted.
“I don’t like referring to people as leftovers.”
“It is weird,” Emma said. “And it’s happened twice now. First Donnie, then Mad Dog. First they’re with Sherry, then they end up with you. Except Mad Dog went back to Sherry.”
“Thank you for the summary, Emma.”
“You two do look kind of alike, you and Sherry. Everyone says so.”
“I don’t see it,” Pat said. “Sherry’s really gaunt. Molly’s a lot more well-nourished.”
“Thanks, Pat.”
“What’s wrong with being well-nourished? So Molly, are you gonna be a good Catholic and have a kid every year? Put those childbearing hips to use?”
“Are Catholics supposed to have a kid every year?” Emma asked. “Molly, I thought you were an only child.”
“Technically you’re not supposed to use artificial birth control. But people don’t really follow that to the letter.”
“My parents did,” Pat said. “Ma didn’t get a break till Dad kicked the bucket.”
“Maybe Irish Catholics take the birth control thing seriously. But look at Italy, for example. It has one of the lowest birthrates in the world. You think the Italians are all abstaining?”
“Lucky for you, Pat,” Emma said. “Aren’t you the youngest? You wouldn’t have ever been born otherwise.”
“Yeah. Nine older brothers. Depends what you mean by lucky.”
“Anyway, if I ever get married and decide to have kids, I think I’ll stop at two. Sorry if that makes me a bad Catholic.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me for being a bad Catholic,” Pat said.
“Have your parents met Donnie yet?” Emma asked.
“They haven’t. Oh, and last they heard, we had broken up for good. I’ll call them right now. They should know Donnie and I are back on speaking terms, at least.”