‘Well?’ Michael stood at the mantelpiece and lifted their wedding picture, young and smiling at Dirleton Castle. It was a small ceremony, he persuaded her she shouldn’t invite most of her family. He was cutting her off even then, isolating her so he could have complete control.
Ava looked around their living room. Part of her couldn’t believe she was back here, but another part felt it was inevitable, like some Kafka nightmare she couldn’t wake from. She felt the baby nudge her inside, wondered how she could keep her safe once she was out in the world.
‘Well?’
There wasn’t a good answer. Anything she said would enrage him. His silly little wife didn’t know what she was doing or thinking. He’d said that so often she began to believe it, let him destroy her confidence, her sense of self.
‘I just needed some space,’ she said, flinching.
He turned and beamed, a smile she used to love. Now it meant something totally different.
‘Space.’ He ran a finger across the wedding picture, down the length of her dress, across her face like he was trying to remember something. He rubbed harder, like he was trying to erase her. Then he threw the picture against the marble fireplace, glass shards flying.
‘Fucking space.’ He walked to the sofa, stood over her with fists clenched. He didn’t hit her, that wasn’t his way, too easy for her to escape, evidence a doctor could see. He was careful.
‘Have you seen our fucking house? There’s loads of space.’
‘That’s not—’
‘Is this not enough space for you? It cost plenty. Haven’t I fucking provided for you? Haven’t I given you everything?’
He stared at her belly. This was his line, he provided everything, gave her the baby she apparently craved. Without asking whether she wanted children or asking permission to fuck her all those times. Rape her. She needed to use the correct term. She hadn’t physically resisted but hadn’t wanted to either, so it was rape. He was a rapist. She said it in her head while he stood over her. She looked down at her belly, then the ground.
They stayed like that for a long time, then he sat down and took her hand. She jumped at the contact. His hands were warm and smooth.
‘It’s the baby,’ he said. ‘Hormones messing you up. You’re not thinking right. It’s OK, I understand. But you were out in your pyjamas in the middle of the night. I could have you seen by a psychiatrist. Sectioned. You know that I know people. This is dangerous behaviour, Ava. I’m worried about you and the baby. You could’ve both been killed.’
He squeezed her hand too tight, getting the message across. He could have her locked up. He had enough money to get away with it. Rich people can do what they want. She was endangering the baby, after all. And herself.
‘You know you’re a nervous driver, especially at night.’
He hadn’t even mentioned yet that she’d totalled his Mercedes. But he would hold that over her, despite the fact he still had his precious Range Rover outside.
Michael still held her hand. Her skin crawled. He knew it and was enjoying it. She couldn’t work out what his end game was. Intimidate, gaslight and abuse her for the rest of her life? And the baby, his own daughter? She remembered him forcing himself on her and thought of something much darker, something she couldn’t let happen. That’s why she tried to escape. All she could do was keep her head down and hope for another chance.
‘Please don’t worry about the Mercedes,’ he said, standing up.
She thought about last night, the light in the sky, the smell of burning, dizziness. It was more than just being dizzy, she’d felt like she was outside her body for a moment, inside the burning light, looking down on earth with a sense of excitement and trepidation. The blue-green glow was soothing and she’d felt weirdly calm as the car went off the road.
And earlier today, that thing on the beach on television. She shared something with the boy from her school and the woman too. They’d all seen it and felt it. She didn’t believe in supernatural stuff, she was a practical person, but she had an urge to see that creature up close. Or maybe it was just concussion, maybe Michael was right about the hormones.
‘You need to lie down.’ Michael held out his hand to help her up. She didn’t take it. He produced pills from his pocket. ‘I got these from the doctor. To help you sleep.’
The doctor was his rich pal Fergus who he went to Gordonstoun with, another over-privileged wanker trying to control the world.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said, rubbing her stomach. ‘Not with the baby.’
‘It’s fine.’ He grabbed her forearm and yanked her off the sofa.
An alarm sounded outside, a loud yelp Ava recognised as the Range Rover.
Michael put the pills in his pocket and went to the window. ‘What the fuck?’
He ran to the front door and pulled it open. Ava moved to the window. She saw him reach the Range Rover which had a brick embedded in the shattered windscreen and two flat tires.
Michael looked around, walked to the bottom of the drive then back to the car. He got his phone out, no doubt to call one of his cop friends.
She jumped when she heard a tap on the window at the other side of the room. She turned and saw Lennox smiling in her back garden. He nodded towards the rear of the house and raised her phone with the message on it. She glanced out front, saw Michael on his phone, pacing up and down, staring at the car.
Another tap from Lennox. He threw a thumb to the back of the house and shrugged. Isn’t this what she wanted?
She walked fast through the house, picking up her suitcase Michael had left in the hall, and out the back door where Lennox was waiting.
‘What are you doing?’ Ava said.
‘Helping.’ He took the case from her. ‘This way.’
He strode towards a gap between the fence and hedge. It was a way through to next door’s garden.
Ava watched him but didn’t move. Her feet were frozen to the ground. She could still hear the alarm.
Lennox turned at the fence. ‘Coming?’
Ava remembered the thing that passed between them earlier. A sense of connection. But she couldn’t run off with a teenage kid, for fuck’s sake. Then again, she’d done it her own way and ended up back here. Then she felt something, her daughter pushing her feet against the wall of Ava’s womb, letting her know she was there. She needed help as much as Ava.
She followed Lennox through the gap in the fence, away from her home, her husband and her life.