The blanket of stars above her was astounding. She’d never seen so many shimmering lights across the sky. The moon cast a ghostly glow over the fields next to the house, light spilling from the kitchen in two thin beams.
She was on a bench in the back garden, although there was no separation between the garden and the miles of grass in every direction. She could see two houses across the glen, beacons in the darkness, and thought about the Fidra lighthouse and Yellowcraigs. She looked up again, picking out shapes and patterns, lines of stars that meant something to the ancient Greeks, gods fighting or hunting or cavorting. So much life up there.
She thought about Sandy, their communication with Lennox was so opaque. But then she wondered what it would be like if they developed the ability to talk to all animals. You might literally understand what a monkey, eagle or octopus was saying, but would it actually make sense? Their worldviews were so completely alien. How can we ever hope to bridge that divide between utterly different minds? Sandy didn’t even have a single mind. Lennox talked about octopuses having a collection of mini-brains around their bodies making autonomous decisions. That’s why Sandy was plural, a collective of consciousnesses like a hive mind. Working together but separate. A bit like her, Ava, Lennox and Ewan.
Light spilled from the back door and Iona appeared, silhouetted against the doorway. ‘Mind if I join you?’
Heather gritted her teeth. ‘Sure.’
Iona sat on the bench, moving with careful grace. She looked up. ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’
‘Stunning.’
‘It’s so peaceful.’
‘I can see why you and Paul live here.’
‘It’s good for us.’
Heather glanced at Iona as she looked at the sky. Long, slender neck, beautiful skin, kind eyes.
‘I was just thinking,’ Heather said. ‘The menfolk are off gallivanting while we womenfolk sit at home and twiddle our thumbs.’
‘Like something out of The Odyssey,’ Iona said.
‘Such a misogynist cliché.’
Iona shook her head. ‘But neither of us is that kind of woman, are we?’
‘And they’re not alpha males either.’
‘I hate all that shit.’
‘Same.’
‘Yet, here we are, staring at the stars.’
Heather laughed. She wondered about Iona’s life, what had led her here to Heather’s grieving ex-husband.
‘I know this is hard for you,’ Iona said eventually. ‘Being here, seeing Paul.’
Heather nodded. A dull throb at the base of her skull made her raise a hand to her neck. She thought about her brain slowly killing her.
‘You were a surprise,’ she said. ‘He never mentioned you.’
‘But you weren’t in touch, right?’
The tone of Iona’s voice made Heather realise she was nervous. She tried to see it from Iona’s side, an ex-wife with a whole bunch of history turns up and asks for help.
‘No, we didn’t stay in touch.’
‘He never really mentioned you,’ Iona said. ‘To be brutally honest, I was glad. But I realise it runs deep. He talks about Rosie sometimes but then gets this look in his eye and clams up. It must be so hard.’
Heather reached into her pocket and touched the photo of Rosie. Thought about taking it out but didn’t. ‘It is.’
Iona leaned back a little. ‘All that has come up again recently.’ She looked at Heather. ‘I wasn’t sure if I should tell you but fuck it. I’m pregnant.’
Heather felt like she’d been cut adrift in the sea of stars, dizzying specs of light making her head pound. ‘OK.’
‘It wasn’t planned,’ Iona said. ‘But I’m happy. We’re happy.’
Heather swallowed, felt like she was drowning. She breathed in then her body shivered as she exhaled.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘You should be.’
‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘No.’ Heather put a hand into the air between them. ‘I’m glad you did. I’m happy for you. And Paul. He deserves to be happy.’
Iona shocked her by taking her hand. Heather almost jerked hers away. Iona’s skin was soft and Heather caught a scent from her, hippyish but fresh.
‘We all deserve happiness,’ Iona said.
‘You think?’
‘Of course. But it’s not easy to find. You have to grab it where you can.’
Heather removed her hand from Iona’s as smoothly as she could, hoping it didn’t seem weird. ‘You and Paul are happy?’
‘Yes. It took me a long time to realise that I deserved to be happy.’
Heather gave her a look.
Iona shrugged. ‘I didn’t have an idyllic childhood, let’s put it that way.’
Another silence. Heather had no right to resent Paul or Iona and she tried hard to find the truth in that. But she was human and it stung that her ex-husband had another life, another child. After what happened. Iona was right, they all deserved happiness. The trick was how to find it.
Iona cleared her throat. ‘Do you think the menfolk will be all right in Inverness?’
Heather thought about what she’d seen Sandy do. ‘They’ll be fine.’
‘What’s so important in that van anyway?’
Heather felt a familiar sweep of pain flooding in from her neck up the back of her skull, another tumour headache sent to destroy her. She swallowed hard, her mouth filling with saliva, and clutched at the bench underneath her. The stars spun overhead.
‘Are you OK?’ Iona said.
Heather leaned away from her, shaking her head, carried away by the pain pulsing behind her eyes, then her stomach heaved and she puked watery bile on the ground. When had she last eaten?
‘Oh my God,’ Iona said. Her voice sounded a million miles away.
Heather convulsed three more times, each one with less force, her stomach empty. The pain receded as quickly as it came, leaving her washed out in its wake. She was still gripping the bench as she spat and righted herself.
‘You’re not well,’ Iona said.
Heather widened her eyes.
‘How bad is it?’
Heather tried a nonchalant shrug, a shivering aftershock through her body. ‘Not good.’
‘Does Paul know?’
Heather breathed deeply, tried to come back to the world. ‘You can’t tell him.’
She looked at Iona, who held her gaze. Somehow she understood and nodded.
‘Heather.’ Ava’s voice made Heather turn. She stood in the doorway in the sweatshirt and joggers she’d borrowed from Iona, one hand resting on the frame, the other at her crotch. She stepped into the garden and Heather saw the material of the joggers was dark under her hand.
‘I’m bleeding,’ Ava said.