Ava needed some air. Heather was checking them into The Ceilidh Place. Ava had initially gone with her to reception but the tourists milling around made her edgy so she bailed and stood outside. The truck was parked along the road, Lennox and Sandy inside. When they’d come back from the water, Lennox seemed dazed. Eventually he started babbling about a giant creature underwater, a collection or ecosystem. Part of her wanted Sandy to show her. But another part just wanted all this to go away. She wanted to go to a hospital, have her baby and hold her in her arms. Have nothing else to worry about except breastfeeding, nappies, sleep, the millions of things new mothers were supposed to worry about.
The baby was moving around less now which probably meant she was locked into position and ready to fire. Head down by the cervix. Ava wished she’d paid more attention to the baby books Michael bought her. But that was the problem, she didn’t trust a single thing that came from him.
Her breath was racing, constant anxiety. Acid reflux burned her stomach and she glugged Gaviscon then put the bottle in her bag. She pushed off the hotel wall and walked down the road away from the truck. The sun was on her face and she felt warm.
The town was a grid of narrow streets spread across the small headland by the loch. It wasn’t easy to get lost, you always had your bearings from the sea and the mountains across the water. She walked past old couples in matching clothes, bikers in leathers, a tall outdoorsy family. All enjoying the sun without a care.
She turned to the shore, walked along the front and looked at the water, reflected sunlight making her squint. Fishing and sailing boats bobbed out there. It was so beautiful, such a sense of space. She tried to relax her shoulders, imagined what it would feel like to be happy. The salty air was fresh. She walked past a youth hostel then The Ferry Boat Inn, then saw her mum a hundred yards away, walking towards her.
Ava touched the wall next to her. She was suddenly aware of the lapping of waves, the clanks of masts and rigging. She recognised the roll in her mother’s hips, the way she took weight off the left side where she needed a knee operation. Always carrying that little edge of pain.
Her mum stared over the loch then turned and saw Ava. She stopped for a moment then hurried forward. Ava smiled, tried to work out what this meant.
‘Mum.’
Her mum wrapped her in a hug. Ava felt awkward, not just because of the bump between them.
Her mum stepped back and tucked hair behind Ava’s ear. ‘Darling. I’ve been so worried.’
‘What are you doing here, Mum?’
‘Looking for you, silly.’
Ava shook her head. ‘How did you know I was here?’
‘Never mind that, I’ve found you, that’s most important.’ She looked Ava up and down. ‘Look how big you are. It can’t be long now.’
Ava put a hand out again and felt the rough wall, tried to steady herself. ‘Mum, no one knows we’re here.’
‘We?’ Her mum frowned. ‘Don’t tell me you’re still with those others. The boy kidnapped you!’
‘Nobody kidnapped me.’ She felt like a kid again, trying to explain some injustice her dad had imposed on her and Freya. Mum always took his side. It had been a distance between them just when she needed her mum most, and it was still a distance now.
Her mum ignored what Ava said and looked at her belly. ‘I was just as big with you and Freya, Gallacher babies are not small.’
Ava took hold of her mum’s shoulders. ‘Tell me how you’re here.’
‘I’m staying in the Royal Hotel, just back there.’ Her mum pointed.
Ava saw a spread of white buildings set back from the road past the junction, large windows, views of the water.
‘Why don’t we go there now.’
Ava’s fingers dug into her mum’s shoulders, making her squirm. ‘Mum, I wasn’t kidnapped or coerced. I ran away, understand? For the first time in ten years I did exactly what I wanted without control from Michael, without having him watch my every move.’
Her mum took Ava’s hands and squeezed. ‘You’re not well, darling. You were in hospital, remember, the stroke. It’s made you confused.’
‘No.’
‘You don’t know what you’re saying. You need your family to take care of you.’
‘The stroke has nothing to do with this, Mum, please just fucking listen.’
Her mum looked shocked. ‘Ava, dear, there’s no need for language.’
Ava laughed and shook her head. She thought about everything that had happened. She could understand Sandy’s thoughts, Lennox’s thoughts, yet she couldn’t get her mother to believe the truth.
‘Trust me, there absolutely is need for fucking language.’
Her mum tutted. ‘You never spoke like that when your father was alive. And you never spoke like that to Michael.’
Ava went wide-eyed. ‘That man abused me for years, Mum, just like Dad abused you.’
Her mum looked confused. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Please understand, I was in an abusive marriage. Why won’t you believe me?’
Her mum shook her head. ‘Michael would never hurt a fly, he’s the nicest man I know.’
She gave a slight nod towards the Royal Hotel.
Ava’s skin prickled and her stomach tightened. ‘Mum, is Michael here, did you bring him?’
Her mum pursed her lips. ‘Don’t be silly, Ava, he brought me.’