Kekla Magoon
Put down that book and pay attention for a minute.
Someday soon, you’ll live an amazing and very different kind of life than the one you’re living now—but you’ll have to put the books down and get out into the world before that can happen. I know how lonely you are. I know that what you want most is to have a best friend, someone that you can trust with your secrets and be real with, and who will hug you and tease you and accept you for who you really are. (Whatever that means.)
When you try to blend in it doesn’t really work, does it? You’re the only biracial girl in your class. That ‘fro can’t hide from nothin’. You don’t feel black, so you don’t fit in with the “real” black kids, but you don’t look white, so you stand out among the white kids, too. But, when it comes down to it, you really don’t need to try so hard to fit in. People actually like you. It’s okay to be yourself and let down your guard.
It’s not just being biracial that makes you feel different. Remember the time in gym class when that girl said you were probably a lesbian? Of course you remember. You thought about nothing else for weeks after, and it scared and confused you. Let it go. It scared you because it might have been a little bit true; it confused you because it wasn’t totally true. You’re going to love some guys in your life and you’re going to love some girls, too, and that’s fine. Most people aren’t going to understand this about you, but you’ll have to get used to that feeling, because it’s never going to go away.
Everything about you is a little bit different. The way you look, the way you act, the way you are. You just have to remember to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and see yourself as beautiful. If you can manage to do that, the rest will take care of itself. It might be hard to believe that you will ever find your place in the world, but you will—once you start being truly yourself. Sometimes by just relaxing a little you can accomplish a lot.
There are going to be a lot of crazy ups and downs—once, for instance, in the course of a single week you’ll go from crying on the floor of your apartment wondering where you’ll get the money to pay your electric bill, to standing among a crowd of Hollywood celebrities, walking the red carpet. I kid you not.
Your whole life will be a balancing act, between having money and not having money, between being noticed and being ignored, between looking black and feeling white, between liking boys and liking girls. The key to finding your balance is feeling the earth beneath your feet and taking one step at a time. That will keep you grounded. Then, find the courage to stretch your arms a bit, and reach out for the things you want. Take some risks! Yes, this means showing your true colors, but it also means unfurling your wings. It’s scary, but it will help. You won’t ever feel surefooted, but you won’t topple either.
This daily balancing act will turn you into your own kind of person: strong enough to stand alone, and unique, with a voice that rings out like morning thunder. And to think, they used to tease you for being so quiet. Your dreams are going to come true, and it’s going to blow your mind.
Kekla Magoon is the award-winning author of YA novels The Rock and the River (2009), Camo Girl (2011), 37 Things I Love (2012), and Fire in the Streets (2012). She teaches writing to teens and adults, speaks at conferences, and visits schools and libraries to share her work. She lives in NYC… and at KeklaMagoon.com.