Chapter Twenty-Eight

Hannah…

I grab the few things I have with me from the car, and without hesitating, I walk up the steps to the house, with a motion detector setting off a splay of light. I know where the key is hidden. Roarke knew I’d know where the key was hidden. I walk to the statue of a stallion in the corner of the porch by a rocking chair, pull open a hidden compartment, and remove the key.

I waste no time heading inside, flipping on lights, and locking up. I grab my box that is now on the ground by the door and find myself staring at the living room, where I’ve spent so many days of my life. I was always here. Jason, Roarke, and me. Our parents had all been best friends. We’d been best friends.

Eager to talk to Roarke, I head up the stairs and go to his room. Once I’m there, I set my box by the bed, run to the bathroom, and when I finish up there, I kick off my shoes and climb onto the mattress. I dial Roarke, and he answers on the first ring. “Silly woman. What are you doing sleeping out there alone? Sick animals can act out. You could have been hurt.”

“You’re right. Sorry. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep out there. I guess I didn’t want to go back to my room. I wanted to be here.”

He’s silent for several beats. “Where are you right now?”

I swallow hard. “Your bed.”

He breathes out. “Ah fuck, Han.”

“I, uh—if you don’t want me to be—”

“You know I want you there. I just want you to be there with me. Or hell, maybe you don’t know. Maybe you never knew. If you knew, you’d have been in my bed all these years.”

“I’ve been thinking about that.” I settle back against the headboard.

“What about it?”

“Maybe you were right. Maybe I ran. I was young, and I felt in over my head with you, Roarke. Maybe I didn’t let you explain because I just always thought I wouldn’t be enough, so if you didn’t cheat, then you would.”

“That’s what you think of me—that I’ll cheat? That it’s inevitable? That’s what you thought of us?”

“I was a girl, not a woman. You’d been my crush my entire life. I’m not a girl anymore, but the girl ruined it for the woman. I miss you.”

“But you don’t trust me.”

“I was a girl,” I repeat, “and I was wrong not to listen. I don’t know what else to say besides that I’m sorry. And I wanted to say this in person, but you’re there and I’m here and I couldn’t wait.”

“Why the change, Hannah?”

“Being with you woke me up. That’s why. I missed you and us, but I’m getting the feeling that you won’t get over me judging you instead of trusting you.”

“I’ll answer that this way. I’ve been doing some thinking, too.”

I inhale and breathe out, terrified of what he’s going to say next. “And?”

“I was angry that you didn’t trust me, but not once did I look at myself and ask why. Not once did I ask what I did to allow you, the woman who was everything to me, to doubt me. I thought we were so damn strong, that we were shatterproof.”

“You didn’t cause that in me.”

“I don’t believe I caused it. I’ve thought about that as well. I loved you beyond all else. There was no way I could love you more, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have done more. I didn’t notice your insecurity. I should have seen it, but damn it, you should have talked to me, too.”

“I don’t think I realized how strong it was, how insecure I was. Honestly, Roarke, I’m only now admitting to myself how I felt. But it was me, not you. I think it was the wrong time for us. Maybe I needed to find my own place in the world, to stand next to you in yours.”

“And now?”

“I’m a damn good photographer. I have a reputation. I left because my boss got in some trouble, but I could have stayed. I’d have had some discomfort for a short window, but I would have made it. I was close to stepping out of his shadow, but I didn’t really like that world. It’s not me. I’m not high fashion. I’m Sweetwater chic. I’m animals and horizons and people’s faces, not their dress sizes.”

“That never felt like you, but why event planning not photography?”

“Because I love making everything come together into something beautiful. It’s like my form of surgery. I’m having fun. I haven’t had fun in a very long time. And as for my photography, at my core, it’s my passion, yes. I have some ideas about where I want to go with it, and I’d love to tell you about them, but the point is, I know who I am now. That changes a person. I wish you were here.”

“Me, too, Han. Me, too.”

“How are the horses?”

“I believe it’s a food-borne illness. We’re running tests, and I’m treating a good half dozen horses. I called my father. He’s joining me here tomorrow.”

“Your father? I thought he retired.”

“I hope this shows him that he has a purpose beyond a scalpel. I think you inspired that call.”

“Me?”

“Yes. At some point, I’ll explain why, but not now. Not on the phone.”

“When do you think you’ll be back?”

“I don’t have a timeline.”

“What about Bella and Snowflake?”

“One of my staff additions who you haven’t met, Javier Vasquez, has been on a humanitarian trip to Mexico to help deal with a cattle contamination. He’s back tomorrow. Javier is damn good. You’ll like him.”

“I like you here better.”

“And I will be soon. We both need to rest.”

“Yes. I suppose we do.”

He’s silent a moment. “I wanted to know where you’d go when you got to the house. I wanted to know if you’d go to my bedroom.”

A hotspot starts in my chest. “And I did.”

“Yes. Yes, you did. Goodnight, Han.”

“Goodnight, Roarke.”

We disconnect, and I lie back on the mattress, his mattress. The man I love, and yet, even here, on his bed, in his house, we’re worlds away, and not just in miles. We just opened a door. Now we have to find out if it can stay open.