Chapter Thirty-Four

Hannah…

I stay at Roarke’s place again. I decide that if he wants me to leave, he’ll have to tell me to my face. I need him to know that I’m in this, wherever it takes us. So I stay, but I don’t fall asleep with a call from Roarke. I also don’t wake up to a text or a call the next morning. I wake up to the doorbell and knocking. Afraid something is wrong, I pull on a robe and rush downstairs to the front door to find Jessica standing there, already dressed, with bright-pink gloss on her lips.

“We have to go to Dallas. Every Halloween the team has a huge party for charity. It’s a perfect time for you to meet everyone who will be involved with the auction.”

“Dallas?”

“Yes. I booked you a room at the Ritz, which is where the party is taking place. We’re paying. We’re staying there, too, despite having an apartment in the city. Drinking and driving don’t mix, and we figure we’ll drink.”

We. We. We. She and Jason are a great “we.” My heart hurts just thinking about being at some party while Roarke is gone. “Jessica—”

“He had an emergency last night. They were out on the range somewhere dealing with it. I heard he fell asleep a few hours ago. He’s not avoiding you.”

“Right,” I say. “That makes sense.” Only it doesn’t because he’d normally tell me about it, but then, that was the past. This is the present, after the mess between us.

“Stop looking like you’re being punished. I promise you, you will love this, and it’s good for the festival.”

That snaps me out of my negative attitude. “Right. The Christmas festival. When do we leave?”

“The minute you’re ready. It’s a long drive, and I want us all to have time to rest.”

“All?”

“Well, you and me. Jason is already up there. He had a team meeting.” She waves her hands at me. “Go. Dress. I know a Whataburger on the way.”

I laugh and rush toward the stairs. A girl trip will be good, and I can check in on Linda before I come back. Actually, I need to just buy a car while I’m there so I don’t have to keep paying for the rental. I hurry up the stairs and grab my phone from the nightstand. I’ve missed a call from my mother. I dial her back. “Happy birthday!” It’s both of my parents singing to me.

“Thank you both,” I say to them, as I’m on speakerphone. “How’s the annual event coming together?”

“Horrible,” my father grumbles. “If we had you here, you could organize it for us instead of some Sweetwater Christmas festival.” He grunts as my mother has obviously elbowed him. Her famous move to shut him up is easy to pin down.

“Why don’t you come to that festival and see my good work?”

“I don’t think we can do that, honey,” my mother says. “But send me pictures.”

“We have a gift for you,” my father says. “But we don’t know where to send it.”

“Bring it to the festival,” I say. “It’s a great way to celebrate Christmas early. You can sit on Santa’s lap and ask for a bottle of that whiskey you like to land under the tree.”

“You don’t give up, daughter, do you?”

“I wouldn’t be your daughter if I did.”

“You come here for Christmas,” he counters.

Christmas. Where will I be for Christmas? “We’ll talk at the festival.”

My father laughs. “Ah, daughter.”

A few minutes later, we hang up, and I check my phone. Nothing from Roarke. It’s as if the idea that I might punish him turned a switch. I’m on, and he’s now off, and it’s letting me see how easily he could hurt me. He still has too much power over me, and I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t even know if I want to try.

…

I enjoy the ride with Jessica, and during our travels, she tells me all about meeting Jason and her ex cheating on her. It’s a story that has me in knots because I felt all the things she felt, but more so because I love Roarke. She didn’t love her ex. There was no better man waiting on me. There was only Roarke, left behind. It’s fairly early when we arrive in Dallas, only two o’clock, and both of us are tired. We head to our rooms to rest.

“Oh, by the way,” she says as we both step away from the registration booth. “It’s a costume party. I had a bunch of options sent to your room. I like the nurse for you. You’re Roarke’s nurse to all the animals. Now you can be his naughty nurse. It’s kind of hot, you know?”

I laugh, but Roarke isn’t here, so he doesn’t need a naughty nurse. My room is of course luxurious, and I collapse on the bed, willing my phone to ring. It does. With Linda’s number. “Happy birthday!” she exclaims. “Tell me how happy!”

“Very last minute, I’m here in Dallas for a Halloween party,” I say. “I thought I’d invite you to breakfast tomorrow.”

“What? Oh no. I’m not there. I’m in Houston for a photoshoot.”

“Well, that kind of sucks,” I say.

“It does, and I have a present for you. I need your Sweetwater address.”

My Sweetwater address. That’s a complicated topic. “Come and bring it to me at the festival.”

“That sounds perfect. It’s good. You’ll love it.”

We chat a few more minutes, and when we disconnect, I toss my phone on the pillow and curl on my side. I need to sleep and forget that today is my birthday. Roarke knows it’s my birthday, and his silence makes a point. He can’t do this. We aren’t doing this. Why did I let myself try to believe otherwise?