Chapter Forty-One

Hannah…

In the month following me moving in with Roarke, we grow closer than I’d ever imagined possible, and I’d thought we were close the first go-around. But this time, it’s as if we value us all the more because we know how easily we could lose each other.

Easily, as if it’s natural, I start doing what I’ve always loved doing: photographing nature and the animals, in particular the horses and even the Horse Wrangler himself. Secretly, at first, I submit my shots to magazines, contests, and my agent, who is glad to see me active again. After seeing my recent shots, she coordinates a gallery showing for me in Dallas in January, and this news not only has me excited, it earns me more lilies from Roarke, who shares in my joy. He knows what this means to me, I feel that in him, and that’s easy to do, considering we spend every moment possible together and without interruption thus far. That is, until the weekend before Thanksgiving, when we wake to an emergency call for Roarke that will take him to Tennessee.

“I can’t go,” I say as he throws the blankets off our bed. “The festival is only a week away.”

“I know, baby,” he says, meeting me at the end of the bed. “You can’t always be with me, no matter how much I wish you could. You take care of the festival.” He strokes my hair and kisses me, before setting me aside to hurry to the shower.

I pull on leggings and a tank top and rush downstairs, fighting a wave of weird queasiness as I make him coffee and then fill a thermos with it blended just the way he likes it. It’s not long before we’re at the chopper pickup site with me behind the wheel of the Jeep I’ve been driving and loving for the past few weeks. “After this festival,” he says, “I want you to come with me on these trips. You can bring your camera.”

“I’d love that,” I say, because as much as I’ve enjoyed planning the festival, my camera is loving my new direction, and it’s given new life to my photography.

I watch as he rushes away and the helicopter lifts off, disappearing into the horizon. Once I’m back at the house, I hurry upstairs to shower and change when I have a sudden realization. I haven’t started my period. I grab the bathroom sink, stunned. I can’t get pregnant. Or I can, but it’s like a five percent chance. That basically means I can’t get pregnant. And if I did, by some odd, freak chance, have that happen, we aren’t ready for that. Roarke hasn’t said a word about marriage. Not a word. Not that it matters. We’re happy. We are, but we’re still new to this second chance we’re giving ourselves. I press my hands to my face. I have so many feelings right now. I drop my hands. I need to take a test, but I can’t get one in this town without word getting out.

I glance at the clock. Jessica will be here soon. We’re headed into town because holiday lights are being installed, right along with a massive tree to be lit at the festival. Grabbing my phone, I call her now, thankful for the friend she’s become. “I can’t believe I’m asking this. You wouldn’t have a random pregnancy test lying around, would you?”

“Wait. What? I thought you couldn’t—”

“I can’t, but I didn’t start my period, and I just need peace of mind that isn’t town news.”

“Well, it just so happens,” she says, “that I had a scare a month back. I might have one test left. I kept repeating just to be sure.”

“But you weren’t pregnant?”

“No. The doctor said it happens sometimes. We aren’t ready yet, you know? We want kids, and if it happened, we wouldn’t be upset, but we want to plan. Anyway, I’ll grab the suitcase I think it’s in. We were traveling during my panic attack.”

“At least that kept it from being town gossip.”

“Amen to that,” she says. “I’ll see you soon.”

We disconnect, and I quickly shower and then dress in black jeans and a red sweater. We are, after all, decorating for the holidays today. I’ve just filled up a cup with coffee when Jessica walks into my kitchen, also wearing a red sweater. “Aren’t we cute?” she asks, joining me at the island and whispering. “Where’s Roarke? Does he know?”

“He flew out to handle an emergency. And no, he doesn’t know.”

She sets the test in front of me. “Let’s go take it.”

I pick up the kit. “I can’t believe I’m doing this to myself. I can’t even get pregnant. I’ve told you the story.”

“It would be a special miracle, since you want kids. Go. Take the test.”

I pant out a breath, and we both hurry upstairs. I walk into the bathroom, pee on the stick, and leave it on top of the trash can to join Jessica in the bedroom. “It’s going to be a fast result, and I can’t look. If I am pregnant, I don’t even know if I can carry to term. I don’t want a miscarriage to shake me and Roarke up right now. I don’t.”

“Why are you thinking about miscarriages, woman? Stop working yourself up. You and Roarke are strong. You will be fine. The baby will be a miracle and wonderfully full-term and healthy. You want me to look at the results?”

“Yes. Please. I feel sick.” Literally, actually. I sit down on the bed and watch her disappear into the bathroom. She exits in thirty seconds, her eyes alight with joy. “It’s positive. You’re pregnant.”

I stand up. “What? Really? I am?”

“Yes, honey. You are.”

I rush past her and stare down at the test. I throw it in the trash and turn to face Jessica, who is now in the doorway. “Roarke hasn’t even asked me to marry him. What if he isn’t ready? And what if I can’t carry a baby? I need to see a doctor. I need to see one before I tell him.”

“You need to tell him, and then you both go see the doctor.” She stops in front of me, her hands on my shoulders steadying me. “You’re a team. Be a team. Tell him. There is no other answer.”

“Right. Right. You’re right. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him on Thanksgiving. That gives him time to get back and for me to decide how to tell him. It’s a gift, right? I know he’ll feel like it’s a reason to be truly thankful on Thanksgiving.”

“Yes. Exactly. Tell him. That’s what matters.”

“Thanksgiving it is.” I don’t know why I’m letting this be an issue with Roarke. I’m not going to doubt him. He wants this, too, but nevertheless, my world is spinning. I’m afraid of believing this can be real only to have it fall apart.