After Annie died, Pa started drinking. It was no wonder he was bad sick with liver and heart problems. My own chest wasn’t feeling too good either. Heart attacks and heartaches, it was hard to tell which was paining me more.
“You ever think back on when we were kids?” I asked Rebecca.
“No,” she said.
“You don’t ever pick out a favorite time and go over it in your mind?”
“Try not to,” she said. “What good would it do?”
“I don’t know if it does any good,” I said. “But I like to do it. Makes me happy. We did have some good times, didn’t we?” Rebecca gripped the wheel tight but didn’t say anything.
“Like that New Year’s when Mama and Pa had that party,” I said. “Remember?”
“You mean the night Louise was sashaying around Pa, hanging all over him?”
“I think everyone was doing a bit of that.”
“You didn’t take a good look,” she said.
“I watched everybody good as you,” I said.
“You didn’t read between the lines,” Rebecca said.
I knew what she was getting at. I hadn’t understood it at the time, but something happened later where it all made sense. Then the pieces fit together like a picture puzzle, one I put out of my mind so I wouldn’t have to believe it really happened. That particular New Year’s night was the only time Mama and Pa ever had a real type party with lots of folks over. We girls were supposed to be in bed. Rebecca and I peeked around the corner from the sleeping porch. Wasn’t long before Clarissa joined us. Pa was dancing with Aunt Louise. She had on a shiny red dress. It was too tight, and her butt wiggled back and forth all the while she danced to the music.
“Lou, you got a face put Jayne Mansfield to shame and a body would too,” Pa said. Me and Clarissa covered our mouths and giggled. The record player was going full blast. The floor boards hummed and tickled our bare toes. We laughed harder.
“Sssshh…be quiet,” Rebecca said.
“Can’t no one can hear anything above all this racket,” I said.
Conway Twitty was singing “It’s Only Make Believe,” Daddy’s favorite. Mine too. Mama was serving steaming hot bowls of vegetable soup, spiced apple rings, and fruit compote. She said the combination brought good luck. I’m not so sure. Or maybe she forgot an ingredient in one of the recipes. It turned out to be a very bad year.
Close to midnight, she started passing around glasses of Mogen David wine.
“Everybody! Git a glass, now,” she said.
Arms, attached to bodies dancing about the room, reached around the others trying to grab one as Mama walked by. They were jelly jars Mama saved once we got the last lick from the bottom. Real pretty jars.
“Charlie,” Mama said. “Git a glass, honey. The New Year will be here and gone.”
Everybody was laughing and hugging on one another. Mama turned the record player off and switched the radio on and dialed up the volume. The announcer was counting down the numbers to the New Year. “Happy New Year, folks!”
A singer crooned “Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot.” Everybody clicked their jelly glasses together and downed the wine Mama’d passed out. Then the kissing started. Pa was kissing Louise like the men in the movies do.
“Louise, let go of my man, you hussy!” Mama said, but she laughed when she said it and Louise did, too.
“And Charlie, stop hanging on her like some moonsick boy not dry behind the ears. Red and me’s liable to think something’s going on.” Mama looked over her shoulder.
“Red? Where are you?” she said. “Git over here and make your wife behave herself.”
Red was dancing with Ruth Mosley and didn’t hear her. Pa pinched hold of Mama’s backside and squeezed her behind. Mama brushed his hand away.
“Stop that, Charlie,” she said. “And behave yourself.” Pa let go of Louise and put his arm around Mama’s shoulder and pulled her close to him. He tugged her head backwards and smacked her on the lips. Pa’s other hand was cupping Louise’s butt. Louise didn’t bother pushing his hand aside like Mama did when he patted hers. Mama took note.
“Cut it out, you dirty old man,” she said and swatted his hand off Louise’s butt. They all laughed.
“Louise, honey, trust me,” Mama said. “It ain’t no big thing.” Aunt Louise laughed.
“Well, if it ain’t no big thing, then I guess it ain’t no big thing!” Louise said and winked at Pa.
“Happy New Year, everbody!” Pa yelled.
His voice sounded funny like his tongue wasn’t working right. Mama grabbed hold of him and gave him another smack on the lips.
“Happy New Year, hon’,” she said.
“This gonna be the best one yet, Ruby,” Pa said. He drank another swallow of wine. Mama caught sight of us girls.
“Girls, git back in bed,” she said. “This party’s for grownups. You’ll have your turn soon enough.”
“Ah, let ’em have a toast, Ruby,” Pa said. “Bring this year in right. C’mere, girls.”
We gathered around Pa—Rebecca, Clarissa, and me. Annie was sound asleep in her crib the last time we checked. Mama turned the record player back on full blast. Annie padded out in her jammies that had the bunny feet, rubbing her eyes. I picked her up and bounced her about the room.
“It’s New Year’s, Annie!” I said. “We’re having a party and Pa said we can come.”
Pa stuck a paper horn in Annie’s mouth. She blew into it and giggled when a curly paper tongue whipped out under her nose. Mama said she was the sweetest baby this side of heaven. She was right about that. But Pa was wrong about the new year being the best one ever. It turned out to be the worst year.
“I’ve been having nightmares about Annie again,” I said to Rebecca as she drove. She had the window rolled down and her arm hanging out like a truckdriver. She nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“You blame me, don’t you?”
“I used to. Shoot, you were just a kid,” Rebecca said. “Pa had no business taking off and leaving you at the lake with Annie.”
“He said to stay on the path. We went off to the lake on our own.”
“He had no business leaving you two by yourselves, period. That nonsense about him seeing bear cubs and going off to see if the mother bear was nearby—”
“I saw them,” I said.
“Bear cubs?” she said.
I shook my head.
“Pa and Aunt Louise,” I said. “They were…on this blanket…I saw them and they were—”
I fidgeted with my hands in my lap, wishing I hadn’t said anything, but not able to stop myself. I took a deep breath. “I saw them good as I’m seeing you.”