Murphy’s suffering was written all over his body, from the way he jerked his head back and forth when the townfolks came calling to the way his feet shuffled when he walked out of a room in the middle of their sentences. Murphy cared for Margaret Mary; he told me so. But knowing him, that wasn’t enough. She’d given him a son, a whole new generation, and caring was important, but he should of loved her more, when he just loved her sort of. That was stamped all over his heart, guilt striking him like a sledgehammer.
My own life wasn’t working out too well, either. At the doctor’s office the nurse said, “Your rabbit died.”
When she saw the look on my face, she put down the clipboard. “Not what you wanted to hear, huh?”
I shook my head sadly, “When am I due?”
“Better ask the doctor,” she said, picking up the clipboard, “but I’d say in about eight months.”
Buck came by to get some things that afternoon. He was full of surprises, that one.
“I joined the Marines,” he said. “Leaving in the morning for boot camp.”
“What about Imelda Jane and the baby?” I said. “And what about me and Grace Annie? I plan to have her back here real soon, you know.” Buck was dumping his tee shirts and socks into a dirty green duffel bag.
“I stay around here, her Pa is likely to kill me,” Buck said. “That wouldn’t do you and Grace Annie any good. Least now I can send you some money. Least I’ll be alive,” he said and hoisted the duffel bag over his shoulder.
“In case you’re interested,” he said, “I would have never left you for her.”
“Is that so!” I said, more a statement of anger than a question. “Then why did you bother getting involved with her in the first place?”
“Adie, women like her are magnets for men like me,” Buck said. “Strutting around, waving everything they got like it’s better than money…when the truth is…is…Adie, don’t you know you’re what men want in their hearts?”
I looked at him and didn’t answer, but I felt the words slide over my temper and begin massaging my anger.
“She’s only what men use,” he said. He balanced the bag over his shoulder with one hand and headed for the door.
“You ain’t gonna have no more trouble with Mama or County over the baby,” he said. “I straightened that all out this morning—”
“But…how’d you do that—?”
“Let’s just say there’s some stuff Ma and Imelda’s pa would rather no one knew about. He knows everybody in town and has most of the money that floats around the place to boot. So it wasn’t real hard once I explained what the deal was.” Buck shifted the duffel bag from one shoulder to the other.
“See? I ain’t all bad, darlin’,” he said with a grin. “I’d give ya a kiss, but you’d probably smack me.”
I stood there too shocked to say anything. I was getting Grace Annie back!
“I’m gonna send you money, soon as they pay me and every month after, too,” he said. “I signed up for that Vietnam place. Most are ending up there anyway. The pay’s better, too. Besides, I reckon I’m gonna need to be a hero for you to ever let me come back home,” he said and tried to laugh but it come out more like a huff.
“Serious, Adie,” he said. He dropped the duffel bag on the porch and reached for me. “I’m gonna make you and Grace Annie proud of me. She’s gonna grow up knowing her old man did his part in that war over there. She is. I swear. I’m gonna be a real man when I git back, too, Adie,” he said. “But I need you to wait on me and write to me. Can you do that?”
I couldn’t answer. There was a knot in my throat. I swallowed hard trying to get rid of it. I bit my lip and shook my head sideways. No good. The tears started in. The next thing I knew, my arms were around Buck’s neck.
“Honey, listen,” he said. “I don’t expect you to forgive me for all I put you through, just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “I just want another chance is all, okay?” I nodded. “I want to prove to you I can change. Can I have me another chance?” he said.
I nodded again. He kissed me good, patted my hair down over my ears, then picked up the bag.
“I gotta go,” he said. “I’ll be at Ma’s. I told her you’d come by for Grace Annie in the morning. Give her one more night with her grandbaby. That okay?”
“Uh-huh,” I said. I followed him down the steps. He tossed his duffel bag through the open back window and climbed into the car.
“Adie?” he called out, and turned over the engine. “Why you doing this?”
I pursed my lips together and tilted my head to the side, not sure what he meant.
“You know. Giving me another chance,” he said.
It was a very good question. And I had a very good answer. “Well, it ain’t because you deserve it,” I blurted out.
“Why you giving me one, then? Can’t be just my good looks.”
“Because I’m…I’m pre…I’m pre—” I looked down at my tiny belly and stumbled over the word, wondering if I should tell him the rabbit died.
“Well, I’m pre…pretty sure that’s what being married’s all about, Buck,” I said. “Taking chances.”
He grinned. “Whooeeee!” he yelled and spun the car around, stirring up a cloud of dust as big as Texas. I fanned my arms to no avail. The thick mass danced about in the humid air before slowly descending on everything beneath it, including me. I brushed at my clothes, managing to rub the moist particles of dust into the fabric instead of onto the ground.
What’s next, Lord? You take away my pa and give me back my baby. You take away Margaret Mary and give me back my husband. Maybe I best not ask what’s next. But, whatever it is, pleeease, pleeease don’t let it be twins!
• • •
In the morning I took the wagon and went over to Verna’s to get Grace Annie. She was walking! Trying to pull herself up on the furniture. Verna was watching every move. Her eyes were swollen and her face was puffed up.
“Losing all my babies,” she said and blew her nose.
“That’s not true, Miz Jenkins,” I said. “Buck’s coming back, Austin ain’t going anywhere, and you can come over to visit Grace Annie and me as often as you want. You can babysit, too,” I said. “In case I get a hankering to climb up on some old chicken shed.” I laughed and what do you know, she smiled. Goodness to heaven. God had a way of taking so much and giving back even more. Grace Annie was coming home. Verna was actually smiling at me. Maybe she’d find out she liked me, that she was happy Buck had married me. And maybe Vietnam would make a man out of him. If a war could do it, this would be the one. The papers showed every day how bad it was. Look magazine had pictures to break your heart and haunt your soul. The soldiers in the photographs looked like boys, except for their eyes. They were full grown.
Grace Annie toddled over to me and held up her arms.
“Well, aren’t you a big girl!” I exclaimed, picking her up. I danced her about the room. “We’re going home!” I crooned. “You wanna go home?”
She grinned, then she smacked her lips and planted a sloppy kiss on mine.
“Oh, a nice big kiss for mama,” I said and blew air bubbles into her neck. She giggled out loud. A tooth was making its way to the surface—her first molar. It had to be a sign; a beautiful reminder that even important things, necessary things, can have small beginnings. But with time and care, they can grow, grow so strong that nothing can ruin them. A tooth, it was a good sign. Even a fire won’t burn up a tooth. We tried to do that once in a science class experiment and it didn’t work. The teacher burned one in the sink. We piled on paper and twigs, and then he splashed it with lighter fluid. The entire heap burned to ashes, except for the tooth. It was still there—charred black—but still there, waiting to be brushed good as new. You know, some things, no matter what, just can’t ever be destroyed.