Maggie had been missing for just under a year. Lorraine sat at her kitchen table, nursing a third cup of coffee. From the moment her daughter disappeared, she did not let a day go by without doing something to try to find her. However, Lorraine’s relentless pursuit of Maggie left her son and husband feeling neglected. The tragedy had put an insufferable strain on the whole family.
Rob had made it a point to spend more time with Keith since his daughter disappeared. He did it because Lorraine was unable to concentrate on anything other than her deep, unrelenting, nagging loss. But Lorraine thought the reason Rob smothered Keith was because he no longer trusted her to watch over their son. She didn’t blame him. She would feel the same about Rob if the tables were turned.
Immediately following Maggie’s disappearance, the media swarmed the house day and night. Search parties sprang up out of nowhere. Volunteers came in from New York, New Jersey, Maryland, and Washington, DC, to help look for Maggie. Then, over time, when there was not a single trace of evidence that Maggie was still alive, slowly but surely, people went back to living their own lives. Except for one person, that is: Detective Rae Harker, the lead investigator assigned to Maggie’s case.
Rae Harker was a tall, black man, a touch under six feet tall. His lean body and bulging biceps made him look a lot meaner than he was. The detective had warm brown eyes, a slender face, and strong jawbones beneath his dark skin. When Harker smiled, which wasn’t often, he gave off an air of ruggedness that Lorraine found comforting and oddly sensual, given the circumstances of their relationship.
Based on the length of time Maggie had been missing and the lack of a ransom demand, Detective Harker suspected that she was dead. He kept explaining to Rob and Lorraine that there was a high probability that Maggie had been murdered. Lorraine refused to believe that without seeing proof. She vowed never to stop looking for Maggie until she was found, dead or alive.
Shortly after the first month had passed and there were still no leads, Lorraine and Detective Harker began to meet regularly at the Clarkes’ home. Lorraine was constantly harping on Rae not to give up the search for her daughter. Finally, the detective felt that he had to come clean with Lorraine.
“I won’t ever give up my search for Maggie,” Detective Harker vowed.
“Sure, you say that now. But then the next big case will come along, and you’ll give up, just like everyone else,” Lorraine said accusingly. “Why should I believe you?”
“You’re right. There will be other cases that will require my attention.” Harker hesitated, but then decided to give Lorraine the information she needed to understand his loyalty to Maggie.
“Three years ago, I took my eight-year-old daughter to the Eagleville Fair. She was at the top of the Ferris wheel when one of my junior detectives rushed up to me completely freaking out because a guy was holding a gun to a woman’s head at the cotton-candy booth. I looked at my daughter at the top of the Ferris wheel, and we waved to each other. The ride had been stopping every thirty seconds to load more people into the empty seats. The young detective pulled on my arm. I looked up at my daughter again and knew it would be at least five more minutes before she was off the ride. So, I decided to leave her and go check out what was going on with the man who had the gun. By the time I got to the cotton-candy booth, another detective had detained the gunman, and the area was flooded with police officers. Satisfied that things were under control, I rushed back to the Ferris wheel. I stood and watched as people unloaded from the carriages. I watched a second time to make sure I hadn’t missed the carriage my baby had been sitting in. I had been gone less than five minutes, and my daughter had disappeared.” Detective Harker seemed to be caught in a depressing trance of reminiscence.
“Oh dear God, Rae, I didn’t know,” Lorraine said sadly. She was at a loss for words.
“You wouldn’t have known, Lorraine. What I’m trying to say is that you and I are the same. We are the same person, Lorraine. We both made one bad decision that cost us everything. That’s why your case is so important to me. I know how you feel. I understand the ongoing regret and self-blame. I get it,” Harker asserted.
Lorraine lowered her head. “It’s the worst feeling any human being can endure.”
“Yes, it is. I became obsessed with finding my daughter, just like you,” Harker stated.
“Did you find her?” Lorraine asked cautiously.
Detective Harker nodded. “We found her fourteen months after she was taken. The police found her body in a broken-down wooden shack in the middle of the woods one hundred miles from our home. When they discovered her body, my wife and I were relieved and devastated at the same time. We were relieved because she had been found and because she was no longer suffering. Yet we were devastated because the hope that we’d held onto for so long was gone. It was hard to move away from that place of hope. It left us with nothing to look forward to. And knowing she was dead meant that the pain would never subside. It is the most unnatural and unsettling feeling anyone can imagine. The unknown, the constant wondering and inability to stop your imagination from getting the best of you…it’s enough to drive anyone insane.”
For some reason, Harker felt that if he could return Maggie to her parents, he could redeem himself for failing his own child. But he didn’t dare tell that to Lorraine.
Lorraine knew then that she and Harker would be friends for the rest of their lives. She trusted him more now than she had thought possible.
“Harker, did you have a feeling that your daughter was dead?”
Harker nodded. “So did my wife.”
If truth were told, Lorraine wasn’t certain if Maggie was dead or alive. That fact, in itself, made her feel inadequate. She wondered where her motherly intuition was. Didn’t she have any? Shouldn’t she be able feel if Maggie was dead or alive? Of course, she was a complete failure, Lorraine told herself. If she had any motherly instincts at all, she would never have let her kid go off by herself in the mall.