Rob and Keith Clarke sat at the dinner table after the dishes were cleared. Finally, Lorraine walked over to them carrying a small cake with four candles, one candle for each year Maggie had been missing. Rob sighed heavily as he gave his thoughts over to the daughter he missed and loved so dearly.
Each year on Maggie’s birthday, Lorraine served a cake. They never sang happy birthday; it was a time for the three to remember what they’d lost.
“Happy birthday, baby,” Lorraine said, before cutting into the cake.
Keith, Maggie’s brother, now eight years old, looked to his father. Then he turned back to his mother, whose head was bowed as if she was in deep prayer.
“Mommy, why do we have a cake for Maggie when she isn’t here anymore?” Keith asked.
“Well, because it’s important that we never forget her, son. You two loved each other very much. She was a great sister to you,” Lorraine reminded him again.
“Yeah, you tell me that all the time. But I don’t remember her. Sometimes I wish she was never here ’cause you always talk about her and not me.” He sniffled, feeling overshadowed by a ghost he’d long forgotten.
“Don’t say that, Keith! I wish every day that she was here with us. And you know, just because we love Maggie doesn’t mean we love you any less. We love you both the same,” Lorraine reassured him.
“Keith,” Rob said somberly, “it’s just that Mom and I had two great kids. But one of them went away, and when you have kids, you love them like no one else in the world.”
As soon as the Clarkes finished eating their cake, Keith ran off to his bedroom. Lorraine and Rob sat together silently, each of them alone with haunting memories of Maggie.
“How is it possible that I can miss her more as time goes on?” Lorraine asked Rob.
“I know, sweetheart. I know exactly how you feel. For me, it’s because I think about the things she’d be doing as each year passes. High school, dances, parties…” He paused, dreaming of what could have been, what should have been. “We would be starting to think about college. It’s overwhelming, and it’s the worst burden any human being can carry through life.”
Lorraine broke down and cried. Rob stood slowly and pulled Lorraine to her feet. The Clarkes stood in the kitchen, holding onto each other, both wishing they could be hugging their child.
“I still think she’s alive,” Lorraine said, breaking the silence.
“I don’t know, Lorraine. Sometimes I let myself think so, too. But then I worry that if she is still alive, she is being tortured. I don’t know which is worse for me: the permanence of death or the prolonging of the agony. It slashes my heart to shreds to think about either,” Rob said with raw sadness.
“I know. Rae Harker told me that when he found out his daughter had been killed, relief and devastation overwhelmed him. He said they were the two hardest emotions he’s ever had to deal with at the same time. I think you’re right, Rob; it’s this internal conflict. I don’t want her to be alive and suffering, yet another part of me, a selfish part, wants her to come back no matter what has happened to her. It makes me feel like a horrible mother,” Lorraine cried.
“You’re not a horrible mother, Lorraine. You’re human, and you’re a great mother,” Rob said, rubbing her back.
At eight o’clock that evening, Rae Harker rang the Clarkes’ doorbell. Rae visited them at least two times a year, without fail: on Maggie’s birthday and on the date she disappeared.
“Hi, Rae,” Lorraine’s voice was sullen when she opened the door.
“Hey, Lorraine. Just wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing,” Rae said.
“We’re doing the best we can, as usual. Any word? Any new developments?” Lorraine asked with hope.
“No, sorry to say, there aren’t. I’m sure you read about the twelve-year-old girl that has been missing for three days. The one who they think was taken from Love Park in Center City,” Rae said.
“Yes, I’ve been watching it on the news. What the hell, Rae? What’s wrong with people in this world?” she asked, not expecting an answer.
“I wish I knew. But, you know, I was thinking about you and Rob. Maybe you two should think about contacting the missing girl’s parents. I mean, unless you’ve been through it, it’s hard to imagine what they’re going through. I can hook you up with a couple of cop buddies down on the Philadelphia force, if you’re willing to talk to the parents,” he said.
Rob had overheard Harker from the living room and walked up behind his wife. “I think it’s something we should try to do, Lorraine. It won’t bring Maggie back, but maybe we can help someone else while we’re living this nightmare. Remember how hard it was in those first months? Breathing, eating, sleeping—even blinking—was an effort. Maybe we can make a difference. Something to make Maggie proud that we’re her parents,” Rob offered.
Lorraine hesitated, looking from Detective Harker to her husband. “OK. We’ll give it try. Reach out to your cop friends. Tell them if the girl’s mom and dad need to talk, we’re here for them.”
Detective Harker stayed for a short visit. When he left, Rob went up to bed, but Lorraine sat on the sofa. In the silence of her home, for the first time, she accepted the idea that she could help others through their tragedy. If she were lucky, maybe by helping others, she’d actually begin to heal. Not forget Maggie, but begin to heal.