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When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room. It took a minute before I remembered where I was, and stretched out, then sat up. I slipped out of bed and went to my luggage for a change of clothes before I headed for the bathroom.
I was in Montana, in my grandma’s house. It had been a while since I’d been here, but nothing had changed, and unlike my stifling house, this was comforting. After getting dressed, I made my way downstairs and found Grandma up and in the living room, watching TV.
“Good morning, Grandma.”
“Morning, Zoe,” she said, looking up with a smile. “Though you’re a little late getting up, it’ll be time for lunch in under a couple hours. Are you hungry? I had some cereal for breakfast, but I can make you something to eat.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll just have some cereal, too. Sorry for sleeping in.”
She waved a hand at me. “No need to apologize, it’s not like either of us have anywhere we need to go.”
I could have cooked myself, but I didn’t feel like it. Grandma was good at taking care of herself, and since I’d come here, she was insistent on taking care of me, too, because it had been so long since I visited, but that just made me feel guilty. Besides, it had only been a few days since I got here and I was feeling the most relaxed I had in weeks, but that didn’t mean I could completely ignore my worries as if they never existed.
“You can come and sit here with me while you eat, then, don’t stay in the kitchen by yourself.”
“Okay, Grandma.”
I walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek before heading to the kitchen. I found the cereal and poured some in a bowl, then added milk and some berries from the fridge, before going back to the living room.
She patted the space next to her on the couch, and I sat down. The program on the TV looked to be some kind of soap, but I’d never been interested much in TV if it wasn’t the sports channel. Still, the guys looked cute, and I was trying to distance my mind from football for the time being.
After I finished eating, I went to wash the dishes and returned.
“I saw you didn’t have a lot of food in the fridge, so do you mind if I go to the supermarket? I wanted to get something, too, but I could bring you some groceries.”
“Well, I’ve been meaning to go. Why don’t I come with you?”
“No, no, you can just sit here. It’s not that far of a walk, anyway, and some exercise would do me good.”
She gave me a worried look, but let out a sigh as she nodded. “Fine. But don’t take too long, okay? I’ll text you a list of what I want. Do you need money?”
“Let me treat you. I’ll see you soon, Grandma.”
I was already dressed, so I just pulled on a pair of sneakers and left the house. The neighborhood Grandma lived in was an old one. Mom was even born and raised here, though not in that specific house, Mom had told me when I was younger that they only got the house when she was around ten years old.
Grandpa passed away after Mom got married and moved away, I was only five at the time, and Mom and I had moved in with Grandma for a while to keep her company until she all but threw us out. I’d come here often, but not much since Mom got sick. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I either didn’t have the time or just forgot completely.
The street was familiar, since nothing had changed much in the area. The same supermarket that had been there when I was five still existed. Not that I thought they’d be running out of business, soon. I could see some new stores that hadn’t been there at my last visit, but it was still the biggest supermarket in the area.
Walking there took about fifteen minutes. I got a cart and walked slowly down the aisles. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see what Grandma wanted, then went around picking up the things on her list, and getting a few things for myself, not that I needed much. I was mostly just picking up a bunch of snacks. I wasn’t depressed or anything, but I did like snacking a lot when I was upset and had nothing to do.
I didn’t realize I’d taken a while until my feet started aching. When I checked the time, I’d been in there for forty minutes already. I hurried to finish then went to pay. The bags I left with were a little heavy, but I took my time walking back.
The reason I came all the way out here wasn’t just to get away, but because I knew no one would come and look for me here. If Dad even realized I hadn’t been home the past few days, he would assume I was with my friends instead of going hours away to Grandma’s house. He hadn’t even tried to contact me.
Howard, though, had tried, and I’d completely blown him off.
I’m sorry, Howard.
It wasn’t fair of me to just shut him out like this, especially after he’d told me he loved me. He might get the wrong idea, but I knew I needed this break. I loved Howard, but I still wasn’t sure getting into a relationship with him was the best idea, with us being legally related and all. Especially now that I was pregnant. I’d been the one to say not to let our parents know about us, but with this, I would have to even if I didn’t want to.
Dad would ask who the father of the baby was when he found out I was pregnant. I’d thought of moving out before I started showing, but where would I go, and where would I get the money for it? I had some money, I wasn’t entirely broke, but not enough to live on my own, especially with a baby on the way since I’d have to put on hold any job plans for months before and after the baby was born. I didn’t want to ask Dad for the money, either, even though I knew he had plenty.
This was going to devastate them, Dad and Katie, both.
I needed to think, though, and not just about how they would react, but what I was going to do with my future. Turning down the GM job with the team wasn’t going to cripple me or anything. I didn’t think Howard would refuse to take responsibility for the baby, but I didn’t want to end up like my mom, playing housewife while my husband worked and brought in money. It had worked for my parents, but there were times when I could tell Mom wasn’t all that satisfied having nothing to do, especially since her own parents had worked hard to get her through university before she got married.
That idea didn’t sit well with me at all.
So, do I take the job or not?
That was the question I’d been asking myself since before I came here. It was a dream come true for me, but suddenly, that dream wasn’t looking as beautiful as I thought it would be. What would happen if I got the GM position? I wouldn’t be allowed to be in a relationship with one of the players, but I was going to have Howard’s baby. Would they make him quit? Or would I have to?
Or, if we explained everything, would they make an exception?
I let out a sigh, looking up in relief to see the house was close. The weight of the bags was a little heavy and my arms were growing tired. With how slow I was walking, I wouldn’t be surprised if the walk back took twice as long as it should have. I had to maneuver the bags in my arms so I could open the door without spilling anything.
“I’m back, Grandma,” I called, walking inside.
“Let me help you with the groceries.”
“There’s no need.”
In spite of my protests, she stood up and came to take one of the bags from me. We moved them to the kitchen, and she helped put them away. She sent me looks every time I took out one of my snacks and set them aside, but she didn’t say anything. Of course, I’d gotten some for her, too. I knew she loved chocolate, and I’d gotten some bars for her.
We moved back to the living room with some ice cream, chocolate and fruits. We each had a bowl, and we used the ingredients to make some desert.
Grandma sighed. “We’re spoiling lunch with this, you know,” she admonished. “But it’s been a while since I indulged, so I guess we can have lunch a little later.”
“Sorry, Grandma.”
“You’re a grown up now, so I can’t tell you what to eat and what not to eat. Once in a while is fine. But I do have to ask, Zoe, are you actually going to tell me what the matter is, or do I have to guess it?”
I froze, then sighed as I spooned some ice cream and chocolate. “Why do you think anything is wrong? Maybe I just wanted to visit you?”
“It’s fine that you want to visit me. You can consider this your home, too, so come as many times as you’d like, but anyone who knows you well can tell that you’re moping. Did something happen? Is it your dad?”
“No, it’s not Dad...” I paused to think it over. “Actually, it might have a little bit to do with him, but it’s mostly just me, because I have a problem and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“What problem is that?”
I chewed on my lip, and looked at her from beneath my lashes. “Grandma... I’m pregnant.”
Surprise crossed her face. I wasn’t sure exactly what I expected her to show, but it surprised me when she smiled.
“Baby, that’s a good thing. Don’t tell me that’s the problem? Or is it the father? Does he not want the baby?”
“No. I mean, I don’t know, I haven’t even told him yet. The situation is just... complicated.”
“Then explain it to me,” she insisted. “Maybe it’s something I can help you with.”
I took in a shaky breath. There wasn’t anything wrong with telling her. She’d have to find out eventually, too, because this wasn’t something I planned to keep to myself. Besides, talking to her was a lot easier than Dad or Howard right now.
“So, have you heard that Dad is dating someone?”
She shook her head. “No. You know your dad and I don’t exactly talk, Zoe. When did this happen?”
“I couldn’t tell you when, but he told me about it a few weeks ago, then told me a few days ago that he got married to her. They ran off to Vegas over the weekend, had a quick ceremony, and came back with the legal papers.”
“Well, that’s a surprise. I didn’t know your dad had it in him. He must really like this woman.”
I nodded. “He does, I can tell. She moved in with us, too, so I get to see her at home every day now.”
The house wasn’t quite as empty as it usually was, with the addition of just one person, but it didn’t make me feel as good as I would have thought to have the extra presence at home. Maybe because she wasn’t my mom, and because she was Howard’s.
“So where does the problem come in? Do you not like her? Does she treat you terribly?”
“Nothing like that,” I murmured, fidgeting as I spooned some more ice cream into my mouth to stall for time. Unless I wanted to stuff it all down my throat, though, I wasn’t saving much time. “It’s just that... she’s the mother to my baby’s father, so it’s awkward living with the both of them.”
I didn’t look at her when I said it, I couldn’t. What would Grandma think of me? I’d worried about that, which was why I didn’t say anything the first day I got here. Would she tell me it was wrong?
“I swear, I didn’t even know they were together when Howard and I started seeing each other,” I said quickly. Technically, I was fibbing a bit, since what we started out as could better be termed as fuck buddies, except we weren’t friends. Maybe a one night stand that lasted more than one night. “Neither of them know that we’re together, either.”
“Is that all?”
My head snapped up in surprise at her casual tone. “G-grandma?”
She smiled. “Really, Zoe, is that the only problem? While it will come off as strange to some people, if this is someone you care for, it shouldn’t matter. You’re not blood related, and you didn’t grow up together in the same house, so you aren’t doing anything wrong.”
I gaped at her for the longest moments. Her words, simple as they were, had eased the strongest vice tightened around my chest. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was how I thought, too, but because I didn’t want to hurt my dad, I couldn’t help but worry. Hearing someone else say it took a lot off my shoulders.
“If that’s the only problem, then it’s not a problem at all. Go ahead and tell your parents, both of you, instead of waiting for them to find out about it later. If you’re keeping quiet for their sake, you’re sacrificing your own happiness, and that isn’t fair to yourself, Zoe.”
I winced. “Well, actually, Howard was supposed to be part of the team, but Dad kicked him out. Dad doesn’t like him, but he just recently got drafted. Well, actually, I met Howard when I went to draft him for our team. But Dad doesn’t like him because Howard was kicked off his last team for making some mistakes. He got caught up with drugs, but he’s been clean and sober for over a year now. Dad finally relented and allowed him on the team, but with the stipulation that he not see me. And then, I was called by the team’s owner and he offered me the position of General Manager, which is something I’ve wanted for so long, but Dad wouldn’t take me seriously, only now if I take the job, then I’m not allowed to have relations with anyone on the team.”
With my relief, I found myself blurting everything out, and when I stopped, I had to take in a breath. Grandma looked amused as she looked at me with her eyebrows raised. I blushed, dialing back on the excitement as I had some more ice cream.
“I can see it is a bit of a problem,” she said. “But not enough for you to give up everything, Zoe. Something will work out. I’ll support you no matter what, okay? Ben is a damn bully. He bullied your mom and kept her shackled all her life, you shouldn’t let him determine what happens in your future.”
“He did that?” I said, surprised.
Dad and Grandma didn’t exactly get along. Of course, that was the reason we never came to visit Grandma anymore after Mom was too sick to make the trip all the way out here, and I’d have to come by myself if I wanted to. I always wondered why, but could this be the reason?
“Yes, he did,” she said solemnly. “Your mom didn’t want to be a housewife, Zoe. She wanted to do something with her life, but your dad insisted on her staying home and taking care of you. She wanted a career, but he wouldn’t let her have it, said it was fine as long as he could provide her with everything. You shouldn’t let him do that to you, too, just like he did with your mom. Whatever you want to do, go ahead and do it.”
All this was news to me, but it wasn’t anything I could change now, anyway.
“There’s still the problem with the team’s policy, though. I don’t want to give Howard up, but the job...”
“If this position with the team is a problem, try talking to the owner again and explain things. If it doesn’t work out, then look for another position with another team. Not everything is going to be so black and white, Zoe. You’re thinking too hard. Just go with the decision you’re likely to regret the least for now.”
Was it really that easy? When Grandma said it, everything sounded so simple that I had to wonder what had me so stressed out I had to run away from home. Overwhelmed with emotion, I set my bowl down and reached my arms out to hug her.
“I love you, Grandma,” I whispered, a little chocked up, holding her tightly for a minute. “I want to keep the baby, no matter what, and I don’t want to raise him alone.”
She nodded in satisfaction. “That’s good. Now, the first thing you need to do, is tell the baby’s father. Tell him everything you told me, so you can make decisions together. Okay?”
I nodded, wiping at the tears that wanted to spill from my eyes. “I will, Grandma.”
Of course, I would tell Howard, I never had any intention of keeping it from him, but I wasn’t ready. Not yet.