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Nearly two weeks. It had been two weeks since Zoe seemed to have disappeared, and I was starting to get really worried. Even when she shut me out when she wasn’t in the best mood, it was only for a few days, and she wouldn’t completely ignore me. The longest we went without even texting was when she first found out I had to avoid her, but back then, I still got to see her. This time, I wasn’t getting through to her.
Could something have happened to her?
I thought about asking Ben, but I was reluctant. He didn’t seem worried when I saw him yesterday that Zoe had failed to show up again. The first few times, he’d at least asked after her. Did he know where she was? Was I the only one she wasn’t talking to?
Fuck, did I do something wrong without realizing? Or... was she pulling away because I told her I loved her?
I knew I should have talked to her properly first!
If she was running scared because I said I loved her, then what did that mean? She’d said she felt the same way, but that couldn’t be true, could it? Was her disappearance her real answer? If only she would answer my texts or my calls and explain things, then I wouldn’t have to be this anxious.
My phone vibrated, and even though I knew it couldn’t be her, I scrambled off my bed and picked it up where I’d left it on my nightstand. Of course, it was just Grady asking if I’d be late to practice. I sat down in disappointment and sent him a quick text back, telling him I wasn’t well enough to come in. he didn’t ask any questions, just texted back saying I should feel better and get my ass to practice tomorrow. That got me to smile a little.
I hadn’t been pulling my best at practice. Ever since that disastrous first time I’d played while distracted, I had improved a bit, but not enough. After the near fight in the locker rooms, Grady had talked everyone down, and I was lucky no one held a grudge against me. He’d told me to do whatever I had to, as long as it didn’t take too long, to get my head screwed on straight before the practice match Ben planned to set with another local team in another couple weeks.
“Where do I start looking,” I murmured to myself.
She hadn’t been home. Since Mom had moved in with them, I’d asked and she’d told me that Zoe hadn’t been home the whole time. No way was I going to talk to Ben. What about her friends?
I groaned, rubbing my forehead. Her friends would be a problem, because I only knew of a few of them, and she’d only introduced me to one in passing. She was a short red head called Kayla. I didn’t have her number, I didn’t know where she worked, as for where she lived...
Besides, while I was skipping practice, it was the middle of the day. She’d be at work right now, so having her number and address wouldn’t be helpful immediately. I had time to look, though.
Wait...
I picked my phone up again and got into Facebook. Zoe had a page she rarely posted on, but she had a friends list. Maybe I could find Kayla if I checked there. It took a few minutes, but I did find her page. She was careful, though, there was nothing posted online that revealed anything about her personal life. I got distracted for a minute when I saw a picture on her page of her and Zoe. When I looked through the photos, I saw several more, including some that should have been from around the time Zoe was in high school.
Focus!
There was no other way to contact her, so I could only send her a private message and hope she’d reply. I dropped my phone back on the nightstand and fell back into bed.
What if she didn’t respond today? What if I had to wait days before she did? I was growing more desperate by the day, and I figured, if there was no other way, then I’d really go to Ben and ask. He was my stepdad now, so he could at least listen to a request of mine, right? He’d told me to stay away from Zoe, but he had to wonder about where she was himself.
I didn’t know how long I lay there, but my stomach started to ache with hunger. I checked my phone, but there was no new notification, and I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I didn’t feel like cooking, so I found some instant noodles and boiled some water. Ten minutes later, I sat at my table eating my lunch. My phone was on the table beside my hand, and when it vibrated, I picked it up. I paused, when I saw it was a notification from Facebook.
Kayla had replied. She must have been on her lunch break. I opened the message quickly, she was asking me what I wanted.
I typed quickly.
“I haven’t heard from Zoe in a while and I’m worried. Do you know where she is?”
I chewed on my noodles as I waited for her to reply back, and she was quick. The answer was simple, too.
“No.”
“Dammit,” I cursed.
“Then, can I meet you? I need to talk to you about something.”
She might not know where Zoe was, but they were close friends. If there was something wrong with Zoe, then Kayla might know. Even if it was just clues to where she was, or getting my message across. Zoe wasn’t responding to me, but she wouldn’t ignore her friend, right? The only other issue was whether or not she would tell me even if she did know anything, and if I could get her to talk.
“Sure. After work, though.”
She sent me her address and let me know to be there by six p.m. it was hours until then, but I figured I could waste the time at home. I did regret missing practice now, though. I felt like I would play well if I was on the field now, because at least, I would get answers instead of just sitting around worrying.
The excitement followed me for the rest of the afternoon, and it felt like time was crawling at a snail’s pace. I wanted it to be time already so I could go. In the end, I decided to try and take a nap, setting my phone for half an hour before six. I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, laying there for a while in frustration.
I must have drifted off, though, because the next thing I knew, my alarm was ringing, and when I opened my eyes, the room was darker. I turned off the alarm, and went to the bathroom to wash my face. Kayla lived a bit far from my place, but I knew the area. I called for a taxi before I left the apartment, waiting outside for the cold air to wake me up.
By the time I arrived at her door, it was exactly six. I knocked, and paced around in impatience.
“Coming!”
I heard her call through the door, and I stood still and waited. Some seconds later, the door opened.
“Kayla?” I said.
She was dressed in a skirt suit, obviously having just come from work, with her red, wavy hair left to fall around her shoulders. I’d only seen her once before and for barely a minute, but even if I hadn’t seen her pictures on Facebook, I was sure I could have recognized her if I passed her on the street again.
Kayla looked me up and down, then stood aside and gestured inside. “Howard. Please, come in.”
She wasn’t unwelcoming or anything, but for some reason, I got the feeling she didn’t want me there. I wondered what Zoe told her about us, if she’d even said anything at all. After closing the door behind us, she led the way to the living room. It wasn’t a big apartment, a bit smaller than mine.
“Why don’t you sit down?” She said. “I can get you something to drink, if you’d like? Beer, juice, or water...”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Thank you for your hospitality, but I really just wanted to ask you about Zoe.”
She sighed and took the single seat, and I went to sit on the couch.
“I figured that out from your messages earlier. I don’t know why you came to me, though. Like I told you, I have no idea where she is. It’s been more than two weeks since I last spoke to her.”
“Right,” I murmured.
I leaned forward with my elbows braced on my knees, fingers folded together as I rested my chin on top of them. My body wanted to fidget, but I forced myself to look calm. Actually, I was the furthest from calm. I desperately needed Zoe.
“Did she say anything to you?” I asked after collecting my thoughts. “She hasn’t spoken to me and she’s not picking up my calls, answering my texts. I’m just worried about her, if something happened to her, or if there’s something I should know. Does she not plan to come back?”
That would be bad. I didn’t doubt, though, that I would follow her no matter what. I’d been daunted, before, by the thought of starting over if I didn’t have football, but I’d been an idiot for thinking that. So what, if I couldn’t play the game I loved in an official capacity? I was sure there were ways of getting around it. Starting over wouldn’t be easy, but there was nothing impossible about it, I was just afraid. But, I was more afraid of losing Zoe just when I’d come to realize how much she meant to me.
“Has Zoe really not said a thing to you?” Kayla asked.
I locked on that immediately. “So there is something I should know? Is she really not–?”
“It’s not that,” Kayla said. “It’s something else, something important. I’m sure she’ll tell you, if she went away without talking to anyone about it, then she probably just needs time. I heard that your parents got married, and other stuff happened, too. Everything happened too fast, she just needs to process it.”
“But she didn’t have to go away just for that. And she already told me she was okay with our parents. What else could have happened that she’s hesitating to tell me?”
Kayla looked at me for a while, then frowned, running a hand through her hair before twirling a lock around her finger.
“Well, there was one thing. She got a job offer as General Manager, for the same team you’re playing for. The owner talked to her himself, too. It’s been her dream job for forever, you know?”
“But, shouldn’t that be good news?”
Zoe had been looking forward to it for so long, I didn’t doubt she would jump on a chance like that.
“You’d think it was, but apparently there was a condition. As a member of the staff, she wouldn’t be allowed to have any relationships with someone from the team. Do you get what I’m trying to say here?”
Yes, I understood. It was almost the same condition I got. Join the team and stay away from Zoe. I wondered if her Dad had anything to do with this.
Zoe.
I wanted her so bad. The thought of losing her and the thought of losing everything else, I already knew what would feel worse, because my chest had been aching for over a week now. Starting over would be a pain, but giving up Zoe would be way worse.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said, standing up. “I do have one favor to ask. If you can speak to her, please tell her that I don’t care. She’s the most important thing to me. I don’t care about anything else, not even football, please let her know that I want to talk to her.”