6

Communicating with your cat

Cats are whole-body communicators. To understand what your cat is telling you, look at its eyes, ears, whiskers, tail and body. Listen to its vocalisations as well.

Body language

Eyes

Not only are your cat’s eyes beautiful, but they are also highly efficient. Your cat’s visual field is greater than yours and that possessed glowing look that emanates from its eyes in the dark is due to a reflective layer behind the retina that maximises the amount of light available and offers superior vision in dim light conditions.

‘The eyes are the windows to the soul’ is a perfect metaphor for describing your cat’s optical organs. Understanding your cat’s gaze is a great way to tell what it is thinking.

Slightly oval pupils → This is a sign of relaxation.

Droopy lids accompanied by blinks → Trust and affection. This is how your cat conveys that it loves you. You can tell your cat you love it back by sending it the same slow blink.

A direct unblinking stare at you or another cat → Watch out! This signals danger. The cat is either displaying dominance or it feels threatened.

Round pupils that seem to make the iris disappear → This is intense excitement: either the cat is about to launch into a playful frolic or it is displaying defensive aggression. Look at the rest of the body to work out which: an inverted ‘u’ shape to the tail suggests play; a fluffy tail and drawn-back ears mean trouble is brewing!

A cat has colour vision, limited to blues and greys and perhaps yellow and green. While your cat’s peripheral vision is better than yours (it will spot a spider crawling up the wall faster), they don’t have the muscles necessary to change the shape of their eye lenses, so they can’t see things as clearly up close.

Ears

You might be fascinated at how your cat can rotate its ears independently of each other in order to pinpoint the exact source of a sound. What a skill to have! Your cat can use one ear to stay aware of what is going on in one part of the room while tracking the sound in another; a distinct advantage at any cocktail party, to be sure. Ears are also the way your cat indicates its mood.

Perky and facing forward → Alert and interested.

Back and flat → Do not approach a cat with his ears in this position. It is feeling threatened and will attack if approached. Flattening its ears is how your cat protects these precious organs in a fight.

Tail

Your cat’s tail is an extension of its spine, so be gentle with it. Don’t grab it or tug on it. It has an important role in your cat’s ability to balance. It is also a powerful mood indicator.

Horizontal → Neutral position.

Erect and curled at the tip like a question mark → This is an extremely friendly gesture. Your cat wants to approach you and usually follows up with headbutting and rubbing against your legs.

Wrapped around the body → A touch wary and not in the mood to interact.

Between the legs → The cat is timid and submissive.

Flicking → Irritated or frustrated.

Lashing → A sign of agitation.

Thumping → The cat is in a bad mood.

Fluffed up like a skunk’s tail → This is a very anxious cat that is either ready for defence or attack.

Whiskers

While the discovery of whiskers sprouting from her face will send almost any cat lady running to the nearest beauty salon for therapy, whiskers are vital devices for your cat. The whisker follicles are highly sensitive. Because a cat doesn’t see objects up close well, it uses its whiskers to detect movement—an extremely important advantage when it has captured prey (or preferably a toy). The whiskers help a cat navigate when the light is dim by detecting air currents, and they allow a cat to assess if it is really going to be able squeeze itself into that tight space behind the sofa when a stranger comes into the house. You can also tell your cat’s state of mind from what their whiskers are doing.

Straight out to the side → The neutral, relaxed position.

Fanned forward → The cat is intensely interested and possibly about to pounce.

Flattened back → The cat is fearful.

And what about those whiskery eyebrows on your cat? These trigger blinking to protect its eyes when your cat moves through bushes.

Fur

While we need hairspray or gel to make our hair stand on end, your cat’s fight-or-flight system will send hormonal signals to the muscles in its skin that say: ‘Puff up! Danger coming!’ A fluffed up cat is a frightened cat. It is trying to make itself appear bigger than it is to scare off a potential predator. The fancy term for this is ‘piloerection’.

Body

Just as we can tell whether someone is confident or timid from their posture, the position of your cat’s body communicates its state of mind.

Walking on tiptoes, head lowered → An aggressive or hunting stance.

Crouching → The cat is fearful and on the defensive. It is trying to avoid being noticed by making itself as small as it can.

Arched back → The cat is ready to react offensively or defensively.

Belly up → This is a friendly position when the cat is in a relaxed state, especially if your cat is welcoming you home or is lying in the sunshine, but a cat will also roll on its back in a fight so it can utilise the claws on all four of its paws. This is where people get confused between cats and dogs. When a dog rolls over it wants its tummy scratched. A cat in a similar relaxed state might tolerate a tummy rub for a little while, but if you continue too long you will stimulate it into an attack state and it will claw or bite your hand. When your cat displays its tummy, appreciate that it is showing you that it trusts you, but pat it on the head or scratch it under the chin rather than touching its stomach. Or you could simply speak affectionately to it.

Rolling side to side → Your cat is in love with you! This is a good time to grab your cat’s toys and have a play together.

Vocalisations

Your cat will have its own repertoire of sounds that it makes with you. Try to understand the sound in relation to the context. At what times does your cat make this sound? What does its body language tell you about its mood? Then, if the vocalisation is a positive one, you might try to imitate the sound back to your cat. My cats Valentino, Versace and Gucci all have a variation of a ‘mrrh’ greeting they give me when I come home. I find that if I send that sound back to them, they get a look on their faces as if to say that I have paid them the highest compliment by attempting to communicate in cat lingo! Perhaps they feel gratified, the same way the native speakers of a country do when visitors attempt to learn the local language. Although it is tempting sometimes, I never make aggressive cat sounds at my cats, like hisses or snarls. Trust is a precious thing between a human and their cat and you should avoid frightening your cat, unless it is about to do something dangerous, such as jump onto a hot stove!

Dear Pebbles,

Recently I met a very handsome gentleman who seemed right for me in so many ways. Things were ticking along nicely until he suddenly became very jealous of the attention I lavish on my cat, Romeo. Sure Romeo has his own social media accounts and had a star named after him for his tenth birthday, but Romeo has been with me through thick and thin. Now my boyfriend has given me the ultimatum: ‘It’s me or the cat!’ What should I do?

Torn Between Two Lovers

Dear Torn Between Two Lovers,

Rest assured that almost every true cat lady will be given this ultimatum at least once in her lifetime. If you internet search the subject ‘It’s me or the cat’, you will see that almost every true cat lady chooses her cat in the end! Why is this? Because they know, deep in their hearts, that if someone really cares about them, they aren’t likely to ask them to give up something they love so much. If you give up Romeo, he will just be the beginning of a long list of things you will be asked to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. Secure men don’t get jealous of your cat! Nor do they get jealous of your relationship with your sister, your best friend, your mother or even your hairdresser!

So, Torn Between Two Lovers, I think you already know the answer to your own question. As hard as it is to believe, it’s important to accept that there are people who really do not like cats and that life for you would be a trifle joyless with such a person. In the future, try to get this sorted out on the first date before emotions become involved. Show your potential beau pictures of Romeo, waft some of his fur around to see if your date sneezes, and ask questions; for example, ‘Have you ever had a cat companion? Did you let your cat sleep in your bed? Do you have any animal companions now? What are their names? What is your favourite designer animal clothing store?’ If your date runs a mile, have faith that there is someone better suited to you . . . and Romeo! I know a cat lady who finished a first dinner at hors d’oeuvres when her date told her he detested cats. She stood up and said: ‘I’m sure you have many good qualities, but let’s not waste each other’s time.’ That’s being clear about what you want! Who is she partnered with now? A man who adores cats as much as she does. What bliss!

Sometimes someone who doesn’t like cats will change his mind. But this is far too rare to be counted upon. Cat hating is usually deeply ingrained. According to Pebbles’ Cat Book of Human Psychology, possible explanations for cat hating include:

a	Jealousy—He is angered by the thought that you might love your cat more than him. And maybe you do.
a	Illogical Intergenerational Thinking—‘My father hated cats, as did his father before him’ . . . possibly dating back to the Inquisition.
a	Childhood Trauma—A cat scratched him when he tried to pull its tail.
a	Empathy Deficit Disorder—He cannot understand the appeal of cute, fluffy creatures that purr and bat at sunbeams.
a	Freudian Tendencies—He equates cats with women and is frustrated that he can’t control either.
a	Ancestral Memories—He was eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger in a past life.

Better luck next time!

Pebbles    

‘The definition of insanity is chasing your tail. Stop going around in circles. Get a new perspective and go forward.’

* * *

The one positive sound I have never managed to imitate competently is a cat’s purr. That noise comes from muscles around the cat’s larynx: as the cat breathes in and out, the muscles dilate and constrict the glottis, causing the air to vibrate. For me, it’s about as complicated as playing the didgeridoo!

Friendly vocalisations

Meow → A greeting usually directed at a human rather than another cat.

A very loud meow → A command to that same human. Feed me! Wake up! Open the door!

Chirp → Cats make this rolling meow sound when they are about to receive something they want, such as a meal, some attention, or your lap. A mother cat vocalises like this when she tells her kittens to follow her. Your cat wants you to follow its instructions: ‘put the food in the bowl’ or ‘let me sit on you’.

Trill → A very affectionate greeting (sounds like a musical ‘Mrrh!’).

Murmur → Often part of the purring process and suggests a relaxed greeting.

Purring → Usually a contented sound, but also a self-soothing sound when a cat is fearful or hurt.

Hostile vocalisations

Stay away from any cat that is making any of the following sounds to you. If it is a frightened cat that you are trying to settle in to your home, use comforting language towards the cat but don’t try to touch it or pick it up. Give the cat a box to hide in or a high place to sit. It will eventually calm down.

Chattering → Your cat might make a chattering sound when it sees prey but can’t reach it; for example, when it sees a bird on the other side of the window glass. It is frustrated that it can’t eat it. Some behaviourists suggest the cat is practising its killing bite. One of my cats, Gucci, used to make this sound at a man in my life who turned out to be a very bad person. I can’t help thinking that Gucci sensed something was wrong long before I did!

Growl → This is a warning. Pay attention to it.

Hiss → A sound made by a frightened or threatened cat. It has been suggested cats are imitating the sound of a snake (a cat’s mortal enemy) in order to frighten away other cats and possibly you. Remember, a frightened cat is just as likely to attack as an aggressive one, so use comforting language towards the cat or ignore it until it calms down.

Spit → This is a sudden, short expulsion of air usually given at the end of a hiss. The sound is emitted to make you jump. And jump you should, just as if a snake was about to strike!

Cat etiquette

Cats have a great sense of dignity and self-respect. Have you ever seen a cat attempt to jump on a shelf and miss its target? Did you notice the cat immediately look around to see if anyone noticed? Never laugh at your cat. Its pride will be severely bruised. As long as your cat hasn’t hurt itself, the best thing you can do is pretend you didn’t see the mishap.

You may have had the experience of lying on the sofa or reading in bed and your cat has jumped onto your chest and pressed its nose to yours. You patted your cat and then it turned around and showed you its butt? You may have thought that the second part of this ritual was a bit rich, but in terms of cat social etiquette your cat is paying you a compliment! When you stroke your cat, it remembers the pleasure it received from its mother’s affection. Its mother also used to clean its little butt with her tongue. Don’t worry, you don’t have go that far!

Can a cat be trained?

Can a cat be trained? The short answer: ABSOLUTELY!

We never question whether dogs can be trained. They are highly social animals and most of us are aware of puppy schools, police dog training academies, airport sniffer dogs and guide-dog charities. Dog owners recognise the need to train their canines. An untrained dog can be a liability, difficult to live with and possibly even dangerous.

Dogs need masters. This makes sense because they are pack animals and are used to following a leader. If you don’t like giving orders, preferring cooperation, collaboration and group input, a dog may not be the right companion animal for you. Because cats are so self-sufficient, most cat guardians think that not only do cats not need training, they couldn’t be trained even if you tried. Those who have acquired kittens rarely find any need to toilet train them. Even cats from stray-cat colonies seem to instinctively know how to use a litter box.

Unfortunately, because of the common notion that training a cat is a lost cause, we often put up with behaviour that is difficult to live with. Many of us have had the experience of telling our cat to get off the kitchen counter or dining table, only to have our cat repeat the behaviour a minute later. It becomes a battle of wills, where the cat is most often the winner. Sadly, many otherwise good cats are surrendered to pounds and shelters each year because of behavioural issues, but cats are intelligent, sensitive creatures that are more than capable of being trained. You just can’t train them the same way you train a dog.

Dogs were domesticated long before cats, and cats have not been bred to serve a particular purpose. Dogs are almost completely dependent on their owners, to the point where they will stay loyal even to someone who abuses them. When I was researching my novel The Invitation, I came across the chilling story of Claude Bernard, a French physiologist who used to dissect dogs alive in the late 1800s; he was awarded medals for his ‘scientific’ work and was even honoured with a public funeral. I cried when I read that the dogs he tortured would lick his hands, begging for mercy. Dogs are loyal, no doubt, but sometimes to their own detriment. Cats are loyal too, but only if you treat them well. Treat a cat badly and it will have no hesitation in leaving you and looking for someone who will treat it better. (That’s what I love about them. Many of us could learn a lot about healthy relationship standards by watching our cats!)

‘There are few problems that can’t be solved by taking a good nap!’

* * *

Cats don’t need masters, but they do need a good mother. Mother cats go through a process of training their kittens. When the litter are very young, the mother cat will hunt for them and bring back dead prey, but when they are weaning she brings back live prey, which the kittens must learn how to hunt and kill. Although the kittens would still like to cuddle up to her to drink her milk, she deliberately lies on her stomach so they can’t reach her teats and ignores their cries, knowing if they don’t learn to fend for themselves, they won’t survive.

To harness your cat’s learning style, you have to think like a mother cat and not a master. I picked this up when I had two sister cats, Gardenia and Lilac, and then three brothers, Valentino, Versace and Gucci. My cats would follow me around wherever I went during the day. They rose when I rose, they stayed in my writing room when I worked, and if I took a break to play the piano they would come with me. When I went to bed, they would settle down for the night too. They seemed always to be looking to me for their cue about what to do next.

At some level you have already trained your cat. Have you noticed that it suddenly appears in the kitchen when you open the cupboard where the cat food is kept? Or it wanders into your bedroom when it hears your alarm clock go off? Why do you think your cat places itself in front of your computer screen when you are working or sits on your book or newspaper to stop you from reading it? It has learned that such behaviour gets it attention.

Cats love attention. They especially love positive attention, but they will use negative behaviour if that gets attention too. They know that nudging your favourite vase off a table will immediately get you up from whatever you are doing. If you understand that your cat wants attention, you are halfway to learning how to train it: reinforce positive behaviour and ignore bad behaviour (unless the cat is about to jump on a hot stove!)

Punishment will not work with your cat. This is because cats live in the present moment. When you come home and find that your cat has chewed through its dry-food bag and eaten all the contents, scolding it won’t work. Your cat doesn’t associate your anger with anything it has done. It was naughty an hour ago and this is now. Rather, it thinks there is a problem with you. When it slinks off, that’s not guilt: cats make themselves as small and inconspicuous as possible when they are afraid and at that moment when you are scolding your cat, it is afraid of you. Not because it thinks it has done something wrong, but because it is worried you have lost your marbles.

Dogs in the wild live in packs and depend on each other for survival. Cats, however, place more importance on their territory. That’s why they sniff and mark it so much. They have to know that everything in their territory is familiar in order to feel secure. That includes you. So if you start behaving erratically, they will feel very unsafe indeed. Do this enough times and your cat will display nervous and stressed behaviour around you.

Stately, kindly, lordly friend, Condescend Here to sit by me.

Algernon Charles Swinburne (English poet, 1837–1909)

Cats love activity, they love having their minds and senses stimulated, and they love learning from the people who love them. And it doesn’t matter what age your cat is: an old cat can learn new tricks!

What can you teach a cat?

a	To come when you call.
a	To sit and stay.
a	To get along with other cats and new people.
a	To curb aggression (after you have checked that the cause is not health or environment related).
a	To not jump on kitchen counters.
a	To not dart at doors.
a	To not scratch furniture.
a	To be calm at the veterinary surgery.
a	To let you give it pills, cut its claws and brush its teeth.
a	To roll over and high-five with you.
a	If you have a very active cat, you can teach it to jump through hoops, fetch and even play dead. Just don’t expect it to bring you your slippers; that might be a bit below its dignity.

Get your training started with these excellent books

The Trainable Cat, by John Bradshaw and Sarah Ellis (Penguin Books, 2017)

This book is great for people like me who love to read all the nitty-gritty detail on cat behaviour and want to get inside a cat’s head: how they think, how they have evolved, how they view people. It’s an extremely thorough book written by two renowned cat behavioural scientists and covers absolutely everything you need to know about cat training. Maybe even a lot more than you would actually need to train your cat. Highly interesting reading.

Naughty No More, by Marilyn Krieger (Lumina Media, 2011)

This is a straightforward book describing the process of clicker training, which is based on the science of operant conditioning. When you are training your cat you use a small device to make a ‘click’ sound before issuing a reward (such as a small food treat, a pat, a toy) after the cat performs a desired behaviour. Eventually the cat learns that, in order to get that positive attention, it has to get you to make that ‘click’ sound and to do that it has to perform the desired behaviour again. Not all trainers use a clicker, but advocates of the method claim it is the fastest way to teach a cat to do what you want. I have personally found this to work well.

Cat Training in 10 Minutes, by Miriam Fields-Babineau (TFH Publications, 2003)

As the title suggests, this book gets right to the basics of training by positive reinforcement. If you are feeling a little sceptical that you will be able to train your cat, start with this book. Follow its instructions, stick with the program and eventually you will not only surprise yourself with what your cat can learn and do, but you will also be able to amaze your friends.