The Blue Twinkies

(Your Swollen Vagina)

Blue Twinkies does not refer to your vagina after delivery. That would be called Blown-Out Vagina. This section is about the evolution of your vagina in preparation for blowing it out. Though I really do find the vagina fascinating, I promise I’m not going to get all Vagina Monologues on you here. Those girls talk about the vagina like it’s got feelings and needs a wardrobe!

For years I’ve been getting my bikini area totally waxed. That includes any hair that might be lurking in the darkest regions. All things being equal, I have to say I’ve taken pretty good care of myself down there. Then one day I couldn’t see anything in that region anymore due to my growing belly. So I decided to take a break from waxing, a well-deserved break. I figured since I really wasn’t having sex with my husband, why worry about how pretty my hoo-hoo looks? So days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and my crotch turned into the South American Jungle. It still didn’t bother me. After all, I couldn’t see it.

What DID bother me was when I went to wipe one day and noticed that things felt a bit puffy down there. Feeling curious I decided to take a peek. Considering I couldn’t see a damn thing without help, I pulled a mirror out from under the bathroom sink and took a look-see. Holy shit! If I had been standing, I would have staggered. What the hell was going on? My labia (those flappy things) looked like two blue Twinkies cuddling under really bad carpeting.

How could no one have warned me about this? I’ve come to find out that I wasn’t abnormal. Your hoo-hoo becomes engorged with blood when you’re pregnant, and that can sometimes cause swelling and a bluish or purplish coloration. Not everyone is lucky enough to go through this. But check yours out for yourself, and if you dare, ask around. I’ll bet a stack of cash that lots of women have looked and that “Blue Twinkies” best describes the sight. Whether anyone is willing to talk about it is another matter entirely.