If a woman is over thirty and has strikingly full breasts that sit very high on her chest, you have reason to be suspicious.
1 Remember: if they look too good to be true, they probably are.
If a woman is over thirty and her breasts defy gravity without a bra or she has a strikingly full and firm upper cleavage and bosom, chances are her breasts are not fully natural. You should also be suspicious of breasts that sit very high on a woman’s chest; this is another good sign of implants.
2 Assess breast size as compared to frame size.
Most, though not all, petite women have naturally small breasts.
3 Be suspicious of baseball-shaped breasts or strangely arranged breasts.
In cases of a poor augmentation, the outline of the implant may be noticeable, or the breast may have a very firm, round, baseball-like appearance. Poorly placed implants can often be seen through tight tops. While a good augmentation procedure can be difficult to detect by visual inspection alone, a bad one is quite noticeable.
4 Check cleavage for rippling of the skin.
Implants may ripple in the cleavage or on top of the breasts; look for a wave pattern across the surface. Natural breasts, even very large breasts, although soft, will never have a rippled appearance.
If a woman is over thirty and has strikingly full breasts that sit very high on her chest, you have reason to be suspicious.
5 If appropriate, brush up against or hug someone with suspected breast implants.
If her breasts feel firmer than normal, implants may be in use.
6 Check under and around the breast for scarring.
In an intimate situation, the opportunity may arise for a closer visual and tactile inspection. Look for scarring under the breasts, around the nipple, and in the armpit area.
1 Look for uneven hair texture.
Since toupees do not cover the entire scalp like a wig does, there will always be a place where the real hair meets the purchased hairpiece. Generally, men who wear toupees have thinning hair, so look for a patch of thick hair surrounded by areas with thinner coverage.
2 Beware of an abnormally thick patch of hair on the top of the scalp.
Toupees are very thick in order to effectively cover the nylon or fabric cap that is attached to the scalp.
3 Watch for inconsistent coloring.
Toupees generally do not perfectly match the color of the hair surrounding them. A very dark area of hair surrounded by thinner, lighter hair may indicate a toupee.
4 Note any shifting of hair on the scalp.
Toupees are usually attached to the scalp with wig tape or special adhesive, which can come loose, especially during high winds or excessive perspiration. A patch of hair that has moved or is out of place is a sure sign of a toupee.
5 Test your theory.
Reach for your date’s head, saying, “You’ve got something in your hair.” If he reacts quickly to stop you from touching his hair, you may have found a toupee.
Because toupees do not cover the entire scalp, there will always be a place where the real hair meets the purchased hairpiece.
• Many men with thinning hair choose hair plugs, which are hair follicles that have been surgically implanted in the scalp. Lots of small bumps that resemble knots at the base of the hair shafts are a good indicator of hair plugs.
1 Grasp the shirttail.
For internal snags, slide your hand inside the front of the pants above the zipper area. Otherwise, hold the material that is sticking out.
2 Pull the stuck fabric taut and upward.
3 Guide the zipper down with your free hand.
Apply steady force to the zipper: pull but don’t yank too hard. Be careful not to pinch your fingers. Also, be sure to keep the garment away from the body, so the teeth of the zipper don’t bite your skin. This is especially important if you’re not wearing underwear.
✪ If you are splashed with water, head for the nearest restroom and use the hot-air hand dryer. Stand very close to the dryer and rock from side to side, using your hands to billow and fluff whichever garment is wet.
✪ If you are splattered with mud, add a dash of salt to a glass of club soda from the closest bar and dab it onto the dirty spots. The soda will work on the mud; the salt will lift out any oil from the street that was mixed in with the mud.
✪ If you are wearing a skirt, turn it around so that the splash is less visible. Untuck a shirt or blouse to cover a splashed skirt or pants.
✪ For white wine, wet a cloth napkin with cold water and dab the stain. Avoid hot water, which will set the stain.
✪ For red wine, soak a cloth napkin with white wine and apply to the stain area. Then dab the stain with cool water.
✪ Rub toothpaste—the white, pasty kind only—onto the stain to make it easier to clean later.
✪ If you spilled the wine on your date, apologize, offer to pay the dry cleaning bill, and immediately pour or order another glass of wine.
✪ Apply a generous amount of petroleum jelly to the spot. Baby wipes or wet towelettes will also remove most of the stain. Dry clean as soon as possible.
✪ Use a scarf to camouflage the area, unless it is on your date’s pants.
✪ Use clear nail polish or a spritz of hairspray to keep the run from spreading.
✪ If the rip is at the toe, stretch the toe out further and tuck the excess fabric under your foot so that the rip cannot be seen.
✪ If the rip is down the front, twist your pantyhose to your inner thigh so that the tear is less visible. Be careful as you twist to avoid ripping it further. Or put the hose on backwards, as long as they are not seamed or embellished.
✪ As a last resort, remove the stockings and go barelegged.
1 Apply a warm compress.
Soak a hand towel in hot water, then hold it against the pimple for a minute or more.
2 Apply a topical medication.
Use any over-the-counter benzoyl peroxide product.
Place your fingers on either side of the pimple and gently pull away from the pimple. Do not push inward.
Leave the pimple alone for as long as possible.
4 Reassess the situation.
Immediately before your date, determine if the pimple has come to a head. If so, proceed to step 5.
5 Pop the pimple.
Place your fingers on either side of the pimple and gently pull away from the pimple. Do not push inward. The pimple will expel its contents if it is ready to, but no harm will be done if it is not.
6 Apply a cover-up.
Dab the now-empty pimple gently with a tissue to remove any remaining liquid. Apply any cosmetic with a green tint, which will conceal a pimple or the red mark left from a popped pimple (red and green are complementary colors and will negate each other).
1 Rinse the cut with clean, cold water.
2 Apply alum salts or talcum powder.
Alum, a mineral sometimes sold as styptic powder or a styptic pencil, stops blood flow. Hold the alum in place for 10 to 20 seconds, depending on the severity of the wound. While effective, this technique can be painful, since it is literally applying “salt to the wound.” The quickly dried cut may also form a noticeable scab. Alternatively, apply a liberal coating of talcum powder to the cut. Although slightly messier than alum, talcum is considerably less painful and will conceal the nicks and cuts. If alum or talcum powder are not available, proceed to step 3.
3 Apply toilet paper.
Tear off a tiny piece of toilet paper or tissue and press it onto the cut for at least 15 seconds, until it adheres by itself.
4 Wait a few minutes.
Moisten the paper before carefully pulling it from the cut. If it is not moistened, the paper may reopen the cut when you peel it off.
Most serious shaving wounds occur to the neck, underneath the nose, or underneath an earlobe. The steps below focus on a neck laceration, but can apply to a major wound anywhere.
1 Apply firm pressure directly over the wound.
Place your fingertips at the point where the bleeding seems to be most severe.
2 If the bleeding stops, continue the pressure for an additional 10 minutes.
Remain still until the bleeding subsides. Then go to an emergency room.
3 If the bleeding does not stop, do not panic.
You probably have slowed the flow enough to have time for the next steps.
4 Pinch and hold the bleeding area.
Use your dominant thumb and index finger to pinch the skin where the blood flow is coming from. This will most likely close the vessel even if you cannot see it and will stop the serious bleeding.
Apply firm pressure directly over the wound. Place your fingertips at the point where the bleeding seems to be most severe.
Pushing above or below the site will help seal the area where blood vessels enter the wound.
5 Locate the bleeding vessel.
If the bleeding continues despite the steps above, use a piece of cloth or tissue to help you find the exact location of the cut vessel. Carefully ease off the finger pressure while wiping blood away from the wound with the cloth. This should make it easier to see the end of the cut vessel, or to pinpoint its location even if it is deep under the skin. When you see it, try pinching it again.
6 Apply pressure directly above and below the bleeding site.
If bleeding is still profuse, maintain finger pressure over the wound while pushing immediately above and below the bleeding site. This will seal the areas where blood vessels enter the wound.
If you are being driven to the emergency room, recline with your head raised slightly. Keep firm pressure on the wound even if the bleeding seems to slow.
• If the blood flows in a steady stream, you have hit a vein and can block the blood flow by pressing above the wound. If the blood is spurting, you have lacerated an artery and can block the blood flow by pressing (hard) below the wound. (See step 6.)
• There are four jugular veins. The external jugulars, paired on the right and left sides of the neck, are vulnerable because they lie right under the surface of the skin. The internal jugulars, also paired, lie close to the center of the neck front, but are about an inch under the skin in a protective sheath. If you accidentally cut your neck razor-shaving and notice a great deal of bleeding, you’ve probably cut the external jugular.
1 Apply cologne or perfume.
If you are on the way to a date and discover a problem with body odor, find a drugstore or department store. Apply the scent liberally.
2 Change your shirt or remove the offending article of clothing.
A simple change of clothing can often eliminate the odor, especially from an undershirt. Purchase a new shirt if you have to.
3 In mid-date, use one of the following techniques in the bathroom:
• Wet a stack of paper towels with hot water and a bit of soap. Take a second stack of towels and wet them without adding soap. Wash under your arms and wherever necessary with the soapy towels, then rinse with the remaining towels.
• Obtain chamomile tea bags from your server if you are in a restaurant. Soak them in hot water, then wipe down the offending areas with the bags. If possible, leave them in place for several minutes.
• Obtain a handful of fresh rosemary from the kitchen, wet it slightly, and rub it over the offending areas.
• Apply bathroom soap (powdered works best) to the offending areas to mask the scent.
Soak chamomile teabags in hot water. Wipe the offending areas with the tea bags. If possible, leave the bags in place for several minutes.
• To avoid B.O., try bathing using an antibacterial soap. Prolonged use can cause dryness, however.
• Avoid spicy or garlicky foods—these can cause body odor to worsen.
• Unusual body odor—not the typical “sweaty” smell—may indicate a more serious condition.
• Watch for the warning smells of B.O.:
• Beer smell may indicate a yeast infection.
• Nail polish smell may indicate diabetes.
• Ammonia smell may indicate liver disease.
1 Chew gum or mints.
Excuse yourself from the table and head for the host’s desk, where there may be a dish of mints. A waiter or busboy may also be able to give you a piece of gum. Go to the restroom and chew the gum for two minutes, then spit it out. This will get your saliva flowing and keep bad breath at bay for an hour or more. Chewing for more than a few minutes is not necessary. Sugar-free gum is best.
2 Chew parsley, mint, or a cinnamon stick.
On the way to the bathroom, pull your waiter aside and ask for one of these common garnishes. Parsley and fresh mint leaves are natural breath fresheners. A cinnamon stick, if chewed, will also clean your breath; do not use ground or powdered cinnamon. Most bartenders will have a stick on hand.
3 Order a salad or some fresh carrots.
If you cannot leave the table, order coarse foods that can help clean the tongue, a major source of bad breath.
• Food odors are generally not as bad as you think, but when possible, avoid onions and garlic during your date.
mint sprig
cloves
egg shells
lemon
gum
cinnamon stick
orange
parsley
salad
Before going to bed, floss your teeth. Use unscented floss and smell it after each pass through. Areas that smell the worst need the most attention. Flossing may also help you live longer, as gum disease can shorten your life.
2 Sweep the tongue.
Gently sweep the mucus off the very back of your tongue with a commercially available tongue cleaner. Avoid cleaners made from sharp metal and do not scrape the tongue.
3 Brush with mouthwash.
Use an effective mouthwash. Shake if necessary, then pour some into the cap. Dip your toothbrush into it and brush your teeth properly for a few minutes. Do not use mouthwash and toothpaste at the same time as they can cancel out each other’s active ingredients. Rinse and gargle with the rest of the mouthwash in the cap.
1 Hold the bottle you wish to open upright in your nondominant hand.
Grip the neck of the target bottle, placing your index finger over the back edge of the cap.
2 Hold the second bottle horizontally around the label.
Grip this bottle, the opener, as though shaking hands with the bottle.
3 Fit the shallow ridge found at midcap of the opener bottle under the bottom edge of the cap of the bottle you wish to open.
By using this ridge, and not the bottom of the cap, you will not risk opening the second bottle in step 4.
4 Using the opener bottle as a lever, press down and pry the cap off the target beer bottle.
5 Enjoy.
Alternate Method:
Hold both bottles end to end perpendicular to the ground, with the crimped edges of the caps together, locking them in place. Pull. Be careful, however, as either or both bottle caps could come off.
1 Grip the bottle in your nondominant hand.
Make a fist around the top of the bottle so that your thumb overlaps your index finger and the web between your thumb and index finger sits in the groove under the cap.
2 Fit the bottom of the lighter under the teeth of the cap.
Position the lighter so that it rests on the middle knuckle of your index finger.
3 Press the top of the lighter down and toward the bottle.
Use the index finger on your dominant hand to provide resistance.
4 Pry off the cap.
If necessary, turn the bottle and repeat.
1 Put the teeth of the bottle cap against the edge of a table.
The cap should be on top of the table edge; the bottle should be below the table. Do not attempt on a soft wood or antique table.
2 Use your fist to hit the bottle.
The bottle will take a downward trajectory, and the cap will pop off.
1 Place the implement under the bottle cap, as high as it will go.
2 Pry off the cap.
Slowly go around the cap and lift up each crimped area with the tool, similar to opening a can of paint.
3 When the cap starts to move, fit the tool higher up under the cap and remove it.
1 Unfasten your belt buckle.
If your pants are in danger of falling down, sit.
2 Pull the “tooth” of the buckle to one side.
3 Fit the cap into the buckle so that one edge is wedged against the buckle.
4 Pry off.
Pull the bottle slowly. A quick tug may result in a spill.
5 Refasten your belt.
1 Fit your bottle into the lock.
Place the head of the bottle into the recession in a doorframe into which a deadbolt slips, so that the cap fits against the notch in the lock’s frame.
2 Pull up slowly.
The bottle cap should pop right off.
1 Look for an arrow on top of the hydrant labeled “open.”
2 At the end of the arrow, locate the recess between the screw and the nut.
3 Insert the cap into the recess.
4 Press down slowly on the bottle until the cap comes off.
1 Place the cap between the shoe and the blade.
Hold on to the bottle with your dominant hand. If you are wearing the skate, use the hand opposite the skate to open the bottle.
2 Pull up slowly on the bottle and pry off.
Quickly right the bottle to avoid spilling.
1 Hold the stick of the bridge in one hand and a beer bottle in the other.
Do not attempt to open over the pool table.
2 Position the cap inside the opening of the bridge.
Fit the cap snugly against the edge.
3 Press down on the bottle.
Slowly increase the pressure until the cap loosens. Right the bottle immediately to prevent spillage.
1 Locate a newspaper, snack, or soda vending machine.
An older soda machine might actually have a bottle opener.
2 Place the cap in the coin return.
Wedge the cap against the top of the opening.
3 Press down slowly until the cap is removed.
• Never drink from a bottle with broken or chipped glass.
1 Introduce the canine to your significant other on neutral ground.
Coordinate the first meeting at a public place, such as a nearby park. Avoid introducing the two on the dog’s home turf, which risks encouraging the dog to defend his territory around a stranger.
2 Instruct your significant other to approach the dog calmly.
This is particularly important if your pet is overly fearful or very dominant. Advise your companion to avoid prolonged eye contact (which can be construed as a threat) or immediately and enthusiastically petting the canine (which the dog might find unnerving). Coach your partner to greet the animal in a low-key manner. Later, if the dog seems amenable, your significant other can offer a pat on the back. Do not overdo it.
3 Provide treats.
Praise your dog for good behavior and offer him a treat. Even better, have your significant other offer him a treat.
4 Wear a garment that has been in contact with your new companion.
When alone with your dog, wear an article of your partner’s clothing. This will help familiarize the canine with your significant other’s scent, making your dog more at ease when he actually encounters your significant other.
5 Have your significant other feed the dog.
Occasionally a canine may develop dominance issues with a newcomer. To diffuse this, have your new friend feed the dog for a while. Being in charge of the animal’s sustenance will make the person seem “dominant” in the eyes of your pet.
• A “significant other” might be a lover, a new roommate, or a newborn baby. Most of these steps also apply to introducing another dog, cat, or llama.
• If your dog’s suspicion and distrust of a new acquaintance seems unshakable, do not dismiss it. Canines are experts at “reading” human personalities and intentions. He may understand your new friend’s true nature far better than you do.
✪ Shower off perfume.
Scrub off any perfumes or feminine soap smells. Spray on some cologne or male deodorant after drying off.
✪ Cut your hair.
Shape your hair into a short, masculine style. Cover with a baseball cap or other men’s hat.
✪ Simulate a beard.
Spread burnt cork lightly across your face to help give you a stubbled look.
✪ Flatten your chest.
Put on a sports bra or tight T-shirt, then wrap a long bandage around your torso several times, starting at the top of your chest and moving downward to push your breasts down. Cover with another T-shirt.
✪ Rough up your hands.
Rub your hands with dirt. Trim your nails and remove all nail polish, even clear polish.
Do not cross your legs while sitting. With your feet flat on the ground, leave your knees slightly apart. Alternatively, rest one ankle on the opposite knee. Before going out, practice walking like a man in front of a mirror while wearing men’s boots.
✪ Cover your neck and arms.
Unlike women, most men have a protruding Adam’s apple and coarse forearm hair. Wear a high collar, long-sleeved shirt, or hooded sweatshirt.
✪ Wear oversized clothes.
Bulky shirts, jeans, sweatpants, or other pants with large pockets will hide your contours.
✪ Lower your voice.
Bring your voice up from deep in your diaphragm. Do not talk about your feelings. Keep your answers short.
✪ Look people in the eye.
Stare directly at people when you are talking to them. This will make it seem like you have nothing to hide and keep them from scrutinizing you for too long.
Clean yourself thoroughly in a bath with a feminine soap, then lightly scent yourself with a quality brand of perfume.
✪ Remove all facial hair.
Shave off all the hair on your neck and face, then shave it again, getting as close as you can to your skin to eliminate all the stubble. Get rid of sideburns. Apply lotion to your face to make your skin moist.
✪ Pluck your eyebrows.
Get rid of stray hairs and try to achieve a thin, arched brow.
✪ Apply makeup.
Apply a tasteful amount of eyeliner, lipstick, and blush. Avoid foundation covering unless you absolutely need it to cover up stubborn beard stubble—and make sure it matches your natural skin tone. While some makeup will make you look like a woman, too much will make you look like a drag queen.
✪ Fix your hair.
If your hair is long enough, shape it into a typical feminine hairstyle. If your hair is relatively short, use a wig, but only a high-quality one. An ill-fitting wig made of cheap, synthetic material will draw more attention and scrutiny than short hair. If you can’t find a good wig, wear a headscarf or a hat with a floppy brim to help cover your face.
✪ Cover your neck.
Use a scarf or turtleneck. Most women, unlike most men, do not have protruding Adam’s apples.
✪ Manicure your nails.
Thoroughly wash your hands, removing any dirt underneath the nails. Trim and shape your nails and cover them with a colored polish. Wear a pair of feminine gloves if your hands are hairy or scarred. If your arms are on the hairier side, shave them or wear a long-sleeved shirt.
✪ Walk with a wiggle.
Swivel your hips and your shoulders more when you walk. Put more weight on the front instead of the back of your feet. Practice walking in front of a mirror while wearing a good pair of women’s shoes.
✪ Pick out your wardrobe.
Dress to blend in with the other women who will be in your vicinity. Select a dress or outfit that de-emphasizes your biceps, shoulders, and midsection. Add a little padding to approximate feminine curves in the hips, chest, and buttocks. Wear a woman’s coat, if weather permits.
Put money and other small items you’ll need for your escape into a purse. Add lipstick, a hairbrush, and perfume. Use a purse without a strap so you hold your hands in front of you—a more feminine position than dangling at your sides.
✪ Cross your legs.
When sitting, place one knee over the top of the other.
✪ Raise the pitch of your voice.
Close off your throat when you speak so you don’t breathe from the diaphragm. Keep your answers short.
