A Picture of the Heart

Tom raised the windows against the brisk Tennessee mountain air. Albeit only a twenty-minute drive into town, it felt like it had taken years to get there, and in some ways, it had. After all, he couldn’t stop performing his disappearing act. His most recent had lasted nearly a year, and he seriously doubted Lilly had enjoyed the show. Still she was the only reason strong enough to convince him to dress in his Sunday best, break his promise, and step into the chapel again.

Fear and excitement swirled within him at the thought of seeing her and finally expressing the feelings that he’d spent years unsuccessfully trying to drown. Eventually, he’d found the key wasn’t to drown the feelings but hide them. So, he’d taken the truth, along with his emotions and pictures of his mother, and placed them inside a simple shoebox. And it had worked until yesterday.

After work, he’d returned to his city apartment to find the door kicked in. Initially, he’d laughed at the thief’s poor choice of victims. There was nothing to steal besides a raggedy couch, an empty fridge, and some clothes. Then he’d spotted the shoebox. The lid was off, and its secrets were spilled across the floor. That’s when the dam he’d carefully constructed around his emotions broke free. It was also the moment he’d decided to break off the strained relationship with the place he’d often fled to from Eureka, his refuge from the truth, the city.

The Welcome to Eureka Springs sign pulled him from his thoughts and back to the present. As expected, the normally sleepy town was bustling today. After all, it was Sunday, the day when everyone attended the little white chapel. Anxiety surged as he drove along the long line of cars parked along the roadside. Fighting the temptation to keep driving, he pulled over and parked at the end of the row. That’s a start. Come on, Tom, we can do this; just turn the vehicle off and get out. He’d barely made it twenty feet before spotting the bicycle with the basket on the front—Lilly’s bike. Somehow, he managed to fight through the anxiety and keep walking. One step at a time, he told himself.

His next obstacle—Lilly’s grandparents—stood atop the chapel steps, greeting the church-goers. Suddenly, he felt unworthy to be here with people like the Bakers who didn’t know how broken he was and could never understand his suffering. Get it together. You promised. He’d already broken too many other promises. A deal is a deal, he encouraged himself. We’re here for Lilly.

“Look who it is, Mr. Baker,” Mrs. Baker said.

“Tom McKinley!” Mr. Baker said, extending his big hand, which engulfed Tom’s. “You back for good this time?”

“Mr. Baker!” Mrs. Baker chastised.

“It’s okay,” Tom said, forcing a smile. “It’s a fair question, and yes, or at least I hope so. Umm, is Lilly here?”

“Right, Lilly. Son, even in a place like Eureka, things and people change,” Mr. Baker said.

“Yes, sir,” Tom said, wondering why the man had made such a strange comment.

“Okay, well, you better get on in there,” Mrs. Baker said nervously. “It’s been a long time since you’ve been here, and I wouldn’t put it past Pastor James to stop the service and say hello if he spots you.”

Tom cringed at the thought as he stepped past Mrs. Baker and paused momentarily at the next door. Would the Pastor really do something like that? If so, promise or not, he was leaving right now. But, before abandoning the ship, he cracked the door and peeked in. Thankfully, the Pastor’s back was to the crowd. So, he stepped inside and scanned the room. It only took a few moments to spot Lilly’s blonde hair. As Mr. Baker had said, she was in her usual seat, but Jimmy—Tom’s best friend—wasn’t. Instead, his arm was draped around Lilly. Jimmy had always been a little flirtatious toward her, but he’d never thought much of it. If there was any doubt, it ended as Lilly laid her head on his shoulder. Turning abruptly, he bumped into the door, which thudded against the wall.

“Tom, are you okay?” Mrs. Baker asked as he rushed past her and down the stairs.

They should have warned me!

“Tom,” Jimmy called. “Wait up.”

This is not the time or place for this conversation. Nervously, he fumbled his keys. Jimmy was right there to pick them up.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“How would you prefer I found out?”

“Tom, it’s not like we planned this; it just sorta happened.”

“I have to go,” Tom said as he spotted Lilly coming down the sidewalk. Snatching the keys, he hopped in the Jeep and slammed the door. He’d planned to share the truth today, but with Lilly, not Jimmy, and certainly not under these circumstances. Was he overreacting? Maybe. Should he turn off the Jeep and face them? Probably. After all, they were the only friends he had. But instead, he panicked and sped off when Lilly knocked on the window.

“I know it’s hard,” Lilly said.

“He used to say that you were the only bright spot in his life,” Jimmy responded as he watched the Jeep grow smaller.

“Tom had plenty of opportunities to tell me how he felt. How long was I supposed to wait? Wasn’t seven years long enough? He never gave us the chance to get close to him. Every time we tried, he’d leave town without a goodbye or a phone call.”

“I know. Still, I can’t help but see the broken kid with tears streaming down his face after finding out he had to leave Eureka the day after his fifteenth. The day he left, he made me promise not to tell you until after he was gone. He couldn’t bear to tell you himself.”

“My heart aches for Tom, but Jimmy, you and I have something special. I had decided to be here for Tom every time he came back, but the Tom we knew never returned from the city. I don’t blame him. After all, I can’t imagine what he suffered after Paul left and his mother passed, but I couldn’t carry that burden for him even if I wanted to. So, now, I’m going back inside. Are you coming?”

“You go ahead. I’d better message him.”

“Been a year since you’ve been to town, spoken to Lilly, or come to church. What were you expecting?”

What was I expecting? First Paul, then Mom, and now Lilly. Looking up, he screamed, do you have a vendetta against me? He looked back at the road as a brown blur darted from the woods. He jerked the wheel. Metal crunched. Glass shattered. Tom was ejected.