Chapter Four

Sunday morning, Mandy took Bubba for a walk, heading toward the bustling town center of Heavenly Falls. Dappled late-autumn sunshine shone through the bare branches above, and brightly colored leaves swirled around her feet in the chilly breeze.

She had a rare day off from the diner and had planned to fill it by packing up her stuff at Gina’s place to cart over to the house later. But as she strolled along, stopping periodically so Bubba could smell each tree and hydrant, memories of her dinner with Alex the previous evening filtered back into her mind. He’d mentioned having anxiety attacks, and she could understand wanting his privacy, but there had to be more to his attachment to that house than just a desire to save a historic place. She’d noticed the occasional flash of deeper pain and loneliness beneath his prickly exterior that first day when they’d toured the place with Mr. Pickett and had glimpsed it again last night. Her nature and training made her more perceptive to people’s mannerisms, and Alex’s body language all but screamed wounded warrior. But he still hadn’t told her more about what had happened to him, and she didn’t want to ask for fear of driving him further inside his hard-candy shell, no matter how curious she was.

She waited at the corner with Bubba for the light to turn green, biting her lip. Food trucks were parked at the town square nearby, and her stomach rumbled. Mandy got an egg toastie and a side of turkey sausages for Bubba, then settled on a deserted bench nearby.

While she ate, she scanned the area, spotting a few familiar storefronts and lots of new ones on Main Street. The sharp smell of burning leaves brought back childhood memories, the holidays at the Noonan household on their big old property on the other side of town. Playing tag football in the backyard. Sharing large family meals. Always having someone around to talk to or share your day with. Alex teasing her to make her laugh after she’d failed an algebra test.

Her heart pinched before she tamped it down. Sometimes Mandy feared she’d never find that kind of happiness again, that she’d end up falling into the same trap her mother did, always chasing the greener grass on the next hill instead of blooming where you were planted.

She fed Bubba another sausage and sighed. Then again, though, being an actress was by nature a traveling type of career. And she did love what she did—exploring new characters, getting inside their heads, bringing them to life, maybe giving people insights into their own hearts and problems through the catharsis of theater. Besides, nothing was permanent or guaranteed, and she was happier on the road.

Aren’t I?

The ember of grief reignited in her chest, burning deep. She missed her mother so badly sometimes it became a physical ache, choking the breath from her lungs. And even though she still didn’t quite understand why her mother had left her half the house as her inheritance instead of money, like she had Gina, it didn’t make her any less grateful. Grateful and sad. She’d have given any inheritance up immediately for just one more day with her mother.

She finished her food then tossed the trash before heading back to Gina’s with Bubba.

Based on the dog’s shaggy coat and smushed nose, the vet had guessed him to be part shih-tzu, part pug, and maybe a bit of Havanese thrown in for fun. Whatever he was, Bubba was cute as heck, and people stopped them several times to ask about him. By the time they got home half an hour later, they were both parched and tired.

“Hey,” Gina said from the kitchen table, hunched over her morning coffee. She was five years younger than Mandy and took after her Greek father, with his dark hair and eyes and tanned olive skin. Mandy took after their Irish mother, pale and blond.

“Hey.” Mandy unclipped Bubba’s leash, then hung it on a hook by the door. “What time did you get home last night?”

“After two.” Gina ran a hand through her riot of curls, yawned, then took another swig of caffeine. “It was open mic night, so at least the tips were good. How are things going at the house?”

“Okay, I guess.” She slumped down in a chair, her shoulders sagging.

Gina raised a dark brow. “That doesn’t look like ‘okay’ to me.”

“It’s just going to take longer than I wanted.” Mandy sat back and straightened, doing her best to stay positive. “Alex moved in already last night. He’s determined to buy me out. Eventually.”

“That’s good though, right? I mean that he wants to take your half. Saves you from finding another buyer?” Bubba scratched at Gina’s legs and she bent over to pick him up, frowning. “I mean the whole living there together in the interim will be weird, but still. Which you don’t have to do, by the way. You can stay here as long as you want.”

“No. I’ve already imposed too much on your hospitality. Besides, it’s my inheritance, too, so I should be there to help with the renovations.”

“Do you know anything about restoring a house?” Gina asked, in between kisses to Bubba’s head.

“No. But I’ve watched This Old House videos online.” They both snorted. “Fine. It’s not the same thing, but I just feel like I should be there.”

“Okay. Your choice. Just know that if things don’t work out, you’ve always got a place to crash here.” Gina put Bubba down then picked up her mug again. “How’s Alex?”

“Different.” She toed off her sneakers then glanced at the envelope Mr. Pickett had given her from Mom, propped up on the kitchen counter, still unopened. Mandy hadn’t had the heart before, and now just didn’t seem like the right time. Not with moving and adjusting to Alex and everything else going on. She’d get to it, eventually, once things had settled down a bit. “He used to be Mr. Popular, back when I knew him thirteen years ago, but he’s changed.” She laughed and stared down at her toes. “I guess we all have, but it’s just strange is all. Seeing him now. With the limp.”

“He’s got a limp?” Gina frowned over the rim of her coffee cup. “Why?”

“Not sure. He won’t tell me how he got injured, and I don’t feel comfortable asking.”

“Interesting.” Gina grinned. “Is he still cute?”

“What?” Mandy frowned at her half-sister. “No.” Yes. “I mean I guess he’s fine.”

“You mean like capital F-I-N-E fine?”

“I mean like I hadn’t really noticed.” Liar. She shifted her weight, tucking one foot beneath her. “We’ve decided to keep things neighborly—only between us.”

“Neighborly?” Gina gave her a look. “As in, ‘Like a Good Neighbor stay over there’?”

“Exactly.” Mandy exhaled slow. “And it’s better that way. I mean, I’ll be leaving for California as soon as we get the place fixed up, and he’s going to stay in the house and do whatever it is he does now. It’s all good.”

“Hmm.” Gina didn’t sound convinced. She’d always been far too perceptive for Mandy’s comfort and looked like she wanted to ask more, but thankfully let it drop. “You’re probably right. Keep it civil, get the house done, then get on with your life.”

“Yep.” Mandy bit the inside of her cheek, tamping down the unwanted uncertainty inside her. “Maybe you can join me in L.A. someday. I’m sure they need costume designers. How’s the new collection going?”

“With working extra shifts at the bar it’s hard to find the time to get it all done.” Gina stared up at the ceiling. “Which reminds me, I saved you some boxes from the bar.”

She didn’t need many, since she never had much. Another holdover from the frequent moves during childhood. “Thanks.”

“Is Alex going to do most of the renovations himself?” Gina asked, getting up and walking into the kitchen to open the fridge. “With his dad’s business and all, he should have lots of help.”

“That’s the thing, though. From what his friend Jack said, Alex is estranged from his dad. I think it’s all tied up with his injury, but I’m not sure how.”

“Huh. They used to be pretty close, didn’t they?” Gina plopped back into her chair and peeled the foil lid off a strawberry yogurt container.

“Yep.” Mandy was far more intrigued than she should be. She didn’t want to get involved. She had her own goals here, her own future to think of. Alex and his issues weren’t her problem, and he’d clearly stated he didn’t welcome her nosing around in his business. She should leave it, leave him, be. Never mind the compelling need to investigate buzzing inside her. He wasn’t her mystery to solve. And maybe if she told herself that enough times, her brain would get the hint.

Instead, her traitorous mind flashed an image of them playing cards in the kitchen. Up until he’d firmly slammed the door on her curiosity last night, things had been…nice. Easy even. Routine. Which only made her feel more restless. She didn’t like routine. Routine meant attachment. And getting too attached meant getting hurt. Alex all but had a neon sign flashing above his head, Keep Away. She’d be a fool to ignore that.

As Gina devoured her yogurt, she watched Mandy, and the itch to change subjects grew too strong to ignore. Mandy shifted in her seat and crossed her legs. “Did I tell you I’m applying for another part-time job tomorrow?”

“No.” Gina paused with her spoon halfway to her mouth. “Where?”

“A daycare in town called the Playground, reading to kids. It’s affiliated with the homeless shelter nearby.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of it. Good cause,” Gina said. “You like kids, so that should be perfect.”

“I hope so.” Mandy checked the time. “You have to work later?”

“Yeah. I picked up an extra shift at the bar again. More karaoke tonight.”

“Cool.” Mandy got up and grabbed one of the empty boxes in the corner. “Well, I best get a move on then. The Uber I ordered is due here soon.”

An hour later, a gray Prius pulled up at the curb, and Gina helped her carry the boxes downstairs while Mandy handled Duckie’s tank and supplies. They loaded up the trunk, then Gina gave her an awkward hug around the fish tank.

“Thanks for helping,” Mandy said. “I’ll see you when you get home tonight.”

“Yep.” Gina held the car door open for her. “Have fun with Alex.”

…

Back at the house, Alex let Mark and Jack in, their arms loaded with tools and equipment.

“Sorry we’re late. We would’ve been here an hour ago if Jack hadn’t insisted on tinkering with old Betsy again.” Mark tugged off his jacket to reveal an Accountants Cuddle Better T-shirt. “How’d it go here last night?”

“Fine,” Alex answered, shifting his weight to take pressure off his left leg. The bullet had shattered his tibia. Two metal plates and forty screws later, the ortho surgeons had managed to put him back together again like a bionic Humpty Dumpty.

“No more spider emergencies?” Jack chuckled, setting his stuff aside.

“Nope.” Alex headed into the parlor. “Whenever you guys are ready, we can move this huge piece of fretwork into place.”

Jack rested his arm on the banister near the staircase. “Hey, you got beer—I got brawn.”

“Green Frog Ale’s in the kitchen.” Alex hiked his thumb toward the end of the hall.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Jack grinned.

“It’s over here,” Alex said, pointing to a long, intact section of decorative trim resting against the wall. He’d found it behind some tarps in the dining room and was still amazed the precious thing had remained untouched over the years. “I’d like to use it to divide this area from the dining room.”

“Looks like solid mahogany.” Mark whistled, grabbing one side of the fretwork alongside Alex. Jack gripped the other side, and together they slowly moved the piece into place and got it secured.

“Looks good.” Alex patted the ornate woodwork, lightness filling his chest. It was just one thing, but it was a start. “Thanks, guys.”

“Don’t mention it.” Jack said, heading for the kitchen.

“You busy this weekend?” Mark asked, wiping the dust off his hands with a rag. “We’re gonna check out a new bar. They’ve got karaoke.”

Alex hid his cringe, barely. He and karaoke went together like glue and peanut butter. Not to mention all those people. Just thinking about the crowds made his mouth dry. “Yeah, I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll stay here and get more stuff unpacked.”

Mark looked like he wanted to argue, but Jack returned with a bottle of ale in his hand, cutting him off. “Where should I start working? Second floor again?”

“That would be great,” Alex said, the building tension between his shoulder blades releasing. “You can help me prep the stair treads and secure the railings.”

“Sure thing.” Jack strapped on a tool belt then picked up his old boom box and headed upstairs. “See you guys later.”

Alex turned to Mark. “You working on the wainscoting in the hallway?”

“Stain is my specialty,” Mark said, following Alex across the foyer to the living room where a large worktable was set up against one wall.

“Cool. I got stripper, gloves, everything you said you needed.”

“Awesome.”

Mark started mixing his stain while Alex returned to the stairs and pried off a loose endcap. While he worked, his mind wandered back to the dinner with Mandy. He still couldn’t figure out why he’d told her about his anxiety attacks, but now that it was out there, he felt too exposed, and he didn’t like it one bit. His skin felt too small for his body, and he resisted the urge to scratch and fidget. Not to mention he swore he could still feel the warmth of her pressed against him on that damned ladder. It was nuts. He had no business remembering her soft curves and silky hair. The whole situation was unexpected and unsettling. God. Maybe he needed to get laid. It had been a while. So perhaps sex would solve his problem.

Or not. Because sex with Mandy was not on the table.

Nope.

Is it?

Of course it wasn’t. He sanded the edge of the wood harder than needed, scowling down at the step he was working on. Getting involved with anyone these days, even temporarily, was ridiculous. He was crappy company since the shooting. Too moody. Too easily startled. Too cynical. At least that was what Felicity, his ex-fiancée, had said. She’d run for the hills and he didn’t blame her. He’d have escaped the situation, too, if he could’ve. But no. He was stuck here, where everything was different, his leg ached constantly, and regrets were never far away.

A key scraped in the lock on the front door, followed by footsteps as Mandy burst inside, her arms full of boxes. “Hey! I brought some things over from Gina’s. Figured I’ll put them upstairs then start on more cleaning.”

Alex gave a low grunt as she passed him on her way to the second floor, not looking at her for fear she’d see the odd bubble of relief swelling inside him at her presence. And what the hell was that all about? They’d spent a total of two days together and now she was like some freaking rainbow banishing his shadows?

Alex snorted and shook his head. What a load of crap. He was here for the house, for the promise of doing something worthwhile, for the promise of being someone worthwhile again. That was all. No romance, no emotions, no problems.

Forget that in another life, another time, if circumstances had been different, Mandy would be just his type.

Wait. What?

Man, those fumes drifting from Mark’s stain must be stronger than he’d thought. He swiped a hand across his damp forehead then started on the balustrades. Mandy passed him again on her way out to the porch and he caught a hint of her perfume, fresh and floral, the scent reminding him of spring meadows. His gut tightened in frustration. This was not how he wanted to spend his days here at the house, constantly on guard against her sunshine assaults. He liked his darkness these days. Bad enough they’d see each other around the house all the time, living together, working together to get this place into shape, sleeping one floor apart…

Booming drums and electric guitar screamed through the air, jarring him out of his thoughts. “What the—”

“Got me,” Mark yelled, leaning out of the living room. “Jack, what is that crap?”

“My band’s new demo track.” Jack called down through the second-floor railing. “We’re calling ourselves the Secret Keepers. What do you guys think?”

“I think keeping that noise a secret is a great idea,” Alex grumbled. “It should come with a warning label.”

“Whatever.” Jack lowered the volume and gave them a disgusted look through the second-floor railing. “My drum solo is crazy.”

“I’ll agree with the crazy part.” Mark chuckled and returned to his worktable.

“You guys just don’t appreciate quality when you hear it,” Jack shook his head and went back to work, humming along with the tune.

Alex moved on to the next section of crooked banister, reaching for his level, only to find it wasn’t there. He must’ve left it upstairs when he was working earlier. He straightened and started up to the second floor, bypassing Jack jamming to his tunes and heading toward the large bedroom Mandy had chosen for herself. The door was partially closed, and he stopped dead in his tracks at the off-key screeching curdling the air. He’d thought Jack’s music was bad, but this took it to a whole new level of awful. It sounded like a cross between a scream and a dying cat.

Adrenaline flooded his system. Oh God. What if the spiders were back?

Sweat prickled his forehead as he grabbed his level from the floor. Not the best weapon ever against insect attack, but it was all he had. He’d squash first and ask questions later.

He shoved the door open with his shoulder and charged inside, only to stop short at the sight of her in the corner, using her hairbrush as a microphone while she serenaded a fish tank atop a pile of boxes. Too stunned to move, Alex stood there as Mandy swiveled to face him, eyes closed and butt twerking as she belted out an ear-bleeding rendition of Van Halen’s “Jump.”

Right. Back away slowly. She’ll never know you were here, just…

Her eyes opened, and his hopes fell.

Mandy screamed and Alex panicked, throwing his hands up and dropping his level.

“Sorry!” he yelled. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you doing in here?” Mandy tugged out her earbuds, the volume still loud enough for him to hear Eddie’s scorching guitar solo. She clicked off her iPod then smoothed a hand over her messy topknot, breathing hard. “You scared me.”

“Sorry. I came to get my level.” He pointed at the tool near her feet. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning. Unpacking. Getting Duckie’s area set up.”

“Duckie?”

“My goldfish.” She pointed at the fish tank.

“Oh.” Alex picked up his level then stepped closer to peer through the glass at the small goldfish. “He’s cute. Looks kind of lonely, though, with nothing but gravel.”

“I’ll get him some stuff.” Mandy frowned, arms crossed. “Just haven’t had time yet.”

“Sure.” He swallowed hard, just then realizing how close they stood, close enough for him to hear the catch in her breath and see the rise of pink in her cheeks. Close enough that if he leaned in just a little, he could kiss her and… God. He needed to get out of here. Now. Alex cleared his throat. “I should, uh, get to work.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Except neither of them moved. Time seemed to slow. The air sizzled with possibilities.

And if that’s not your clue to bail, I don’t know what is…

His ribs ached and his temples pounded. This crazy attraction to Mandy threatened everything he wanted—safety, security, solitude. He tugged at the neckline of his T-shirt, wondering when the room had gotten so hot. “I’m, uh…” He inched back toward the door. “I’m gonna go.”

“Okay.” She fiddled with the handle of the hairbrush, lowering her gaze. Her nails were painted red, the color matching the logo on the front of her Les Mis shirt. He hadn’t noticed that before. All he could picture were those pretty crimson nails scraping down his back.

Oh, boy.

This was stupid. Insane. Idiotic. This wasn’t him.

She was strictly off-limits. Period. Amen. End of story.

Then she stepped forward, putting them toe-to-toe again. “I have one more box to get.”

Damn if her nearness didn’t cause his muscles to go lax and the pressure in his head to ease. She blinked at him, and he stared into her blue eyes. So, so blue. Mesmerizing blue. The thought of leaving and everything else went right out of his head. All he could think about now was her, how she looked, how she smelled, how those pink lips of hers might taste if…

“Hey, Lex?” Mark called from the stairs. “You still up here?”

Pulse racing, Alex stepped back and blinked, the spell broken.

Mark walked in, smears of stain covering the apron he’d put on over his clothes. His gaze darted from Alex to Mandy then back again. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Words croaked past Alex’s tight vocal cords, his eyes still locked with Mandy’s. “Mark, this is Mandy. Mandy, this is my friend Mark Goodwin. We worked together at the IRS.”

Mark pulled off a rubber glove to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Mandy finally tore her gaze away, her expression as poleaxed as Alex felt. “Same.”

“Sorry to hear about your mother,” Mark said.

“Thanks.” Mandy set her hairbrush aside and smiled, small and sad. “It’s been a lot.”

“I’m sure.” Mark rocked back on his heels. “Alex tells me you’re an actress. Not many opportunities around Heavenly Falls, though.”

“Tell me about it.” Mandy laughed. The fact his best friend had made her laugh when he hadn’t made Alex’s gut tug. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t like it. “That’s why I’ll be selling my half of this place as soon as possible and moving to Hollywood.”

The reminder of her plans caused Alex’s heart to stumble, which was silly. They’d been over this. She’d be gone and he’d have the house to himself. It’s what they both wanted.

Wasn’t it?

Of course it was.

“Cool. Well, I used to be in an improv group here in town. If you’re interested in joining while you’re here, maybe we can grab a drink sometime and chat.”

Okay. Yeah. Time to get out of here and get back to work.

“Let’s go back downstairs and let Mandy get settled.” Alex herded his friend toward the door, ignoring Mark’s scowl. At the threshold, he glanced back at Mandy. “And don’t worry about the last box. I’ll bring it up to you later.”

“Okay.” Mandy gave him a curious look. “Thanks.”

Out in the hall, Alex breathed out through his nose and forced his tight shoulders to relax.

“Explain to me what that was all about,” Mark said, his tone angry.

Alex wished he could. Except he didn’t understand it himself. “She’s busy.”

“Uh-huh.” Mark gave him a peeved stare. “If she’s taken, just say so.”

“What?” Alex frowned. “No. It’s not like that.”

“Sure. Whatever.” Mark headed back downstairs. “I need to get back to this wainscoting before the stain dries.”

“What were you going to ask me?” Alex called, but it was too late. Mark was already gone. He slumped against the wall, his mind jumbled. What was wrong with him? If Mark wanted to ask Mandy out, let him. Mandy didn’t mean anything to him, not like that. He wasn’t jealous, because that would be crazy. He had no right to be jealous. Mandy didn’t belong to him any more than he belonged to her. They were roommates, nothing more. And maybe, if he told himself that enough times, he’d make it true.

He let his head rest back against the wall and gazed around at the second floor while his heart rate steadied. There was a time, before the shooting, when he’d imagined moving into a huge house like this with a wife, filling the place with laughter and love and children.

Now, it just seemed like another reminder of chances lost.

Shoulders slumped, he went back downstairs. Two more hours passed before he’d replaced the last balustrade and fitted the landing tread into place.

Time to make other repairs. He limped down the hall to where Mark was working. “Sorry about earlier.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Mark sighed, then looked back at him. “How about dinner? My treat?”

“Sounds good.” Alex checked his watch. It was nearly six. “My treat, though.”

“Okay.” Mark called upstairs. “Jack? We’re ordering dinner. What do you guys want?”

“Let me check with Mandy,” he yelled back, then seconds later. “How about pizza?”

“Pizza it is,” Alex yelled back.

They went into the kitchen and Mark sank into one of the chairs. “She seems nice.”

“Yeah, she’s okay.” He pulled a menu up on his phone. “The regular?”

“Fine with me.” Mark grabbed a bottle of ale from the carton on the table.

Jack came in as Alex dialed, heading to the sink to wash his hands. “Mandy said anything but black olives or anchovies. And tell them not to forget the dipping sauce this time.”

Forty minutes later they dug into their feast around the kitchen table.

“So, you guys all worked together?” Mandy asked, wiping her mouth on a napkin.

“Yep.” Mark swallowed a mouthful of food. “I recruited them both out of college.”

“Wow,” she said. “Math is so not my strong suit. Most embarrassing situation I ever had in school was when the teacher called me up in front of the class to solve a word problem.”

“Ugh. Reminds me of gym class,” Jack said. “Rope climbing was hell on earth.”

“You were good at football, though. Got a scholarship.” Alex sat back and pushed his empty plate away. “Jack came in handy with some of our more difficult cases.” He hesitated, his face heating. “I mean, their cases. Not mine anymore.”

“You could always come back.” Mark watched him over the rim of his bottle. “Plenty of audits to go around.”

“And get stuck behind a desk? No thanks.” Alex pushed to his feet and tossed his trash away, restless now. “The only reason I went to the IRS was to be an investigator, which meant I’d be out in the field. Otherwise, I would’ve ended up back with my dad.”

And if he’d worked for his dad, they wouldn’t be sitting here now. The darkness outside the window over the sink matched the shadows gathering inside him. What-ifs didn’t do anyone any good. This was his present now. He needed to deal with it and move on.

“Besides, I’ve got the house to keep me busy,” he said, flashing a smile he didn’t feel. “My disability checks pay the bills and I’ve got some savings. It’s all good.”

Is it though?

The scrape of Mark’s chair across the tile floor sliced through the silence. “It’s late and I’ve got to commute to the city tomorrow.”

“Me too. Ugh. Don’t remind me.” Jack stood as well. “You’re lucky, Lex. Construction is way more fun, and you’re getting a second chance to do what you love.”

Lucky wasn’t the word Alex would’ve used to describe himself right then.

They walked down the hall, and Mark grabbed his jacket. “Seriously. You should come out to dinner with us and the gang from work one night. Bring Mandy along. They’ve got karaoke.”

“I’ve got too much to do here,” Alex said. “Besides, singing in front of a bunch of strangers really isn’t my thing. Thanks for the invite, though.” He held the door for his friends while they trudged outside.

“I’d have to check my schedule,” Mandy said, moving in beside Alex in the doorframe. “I’ve got lots going on. But thanks for the invite.”

On the street out front, cars rushed past, going who-knew-where. That had been Alex once, too, caught in the hustle and bustle. Not anymore.

“Let us know if you change your mind,” Mark called from the curb before getting in the passenger side of Jack’s truck. “Everyone would love to see you, Lex.”

Alex waved.

“I’m going up to check on Duckie then head back to my sister’s apartment,” she said, sidling past him out into the hall. “My Uber should be here soon. Don’t forget I won’t be here until later in the afternoon tomorrow. Have an early shift at the diner in the morning, then I’m filling out an application for a new job after that. What time are the exterminators coming?”

“Nine,” he said. “Why?”

“I’ll make sure the movers deliver my stuff after that.”

Right. He stowed he remaining pizza in the fridge. Tomorrow night was it then. They’d be actual roomies. A tingle fluttered inside him. Not anticipation exactly, but not dread, either. A horn honked a few minutes later and Alex called up to let Mandy know her car had arrived.

She rushed down the stairs, tugging on her jacket. “I fed Duckie and changed his water. He should be fine until I get back tomorrow. Have a good night.”

“Good luck with your application,” he called as she ran down the front stoop. He waited until her car had safely pulled away before locking the door and shutting off the lights, unable to shake the buzzing hollowness that everything was changing, whether he wanted it to or not.