24
Carrying her guitar case, Nia made her way to the chapel. She still couldn’t believe Bart broke up with her. It had happened so suddenly and with so little emotion, it had made her wonder if their relationship had even been real.
The last few days she’d felt distracted, unable to concentrate on her class work or her meditation.
Sunny had even called her on it during today’s meditation session.
Nia had shrugged it off with the excuse of being tired and not feeling well. Sadness was a form of not being well, right? Her plan tonight was to talk with Bart about the situation. Surely, there was still a chance for them. At least a possibility? She opened the door.
Bart wasn’t on the stage.
“Hey, Donita. Where’s Bart?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“He told me he was stepping down, and that it was time to spread my wings and be the leader.”
“You’re kidding.”
“What? You don’t think I’ve got what it takes?”
“I know you do. I just can’t believe he quit the worship group.” And after telling her she couldn’t quit.
“He didn’t tell you? I thought the two of you were…close.”
“Not as close as anyone thought. We were just friends.”
“Were?”
“Are. So what’s the first song?” Nia could barely keep her mind on the music, but she did her best. The moment they were finished, she packed up her guitar and headed for the door.
Donita caught up with her. “Where ya going?”
“Where do you think?”
Donita hugged her. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Good luck. I hope you change his mind. Tell him his position is still here waiting for him. I can wait until after graduation to take it.”
Nia trudged across the campus. She hoped she could change his mind. But about what? Her or leading the worship time? He’d told her they could still make music together. It was one thing to break up with her. They’d only been dating for a few months—hadn’t even kissed yet. But to stop playing music? She walked into the lobby of his dorm and then pulled out her phone. “I’m in your lobby, and I want to talk.”
“Nothing to talk about.”
“You can come down here and talk or I can come up there and yell through your door at you. Those are your choices.”
There was a slight pause.
“Fine. I’ll be down in a minute.” Two minutes later he strolled across the lobby to where she sat on the sofa. “Hey, Nia. I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Well…I expected to see you at worship tonight.”
He shrugged.
“But you weren’t there.”
“I know.”
She motioned for him to sit beside her.
“Look, Nia. It was nice of you to come over, but it’s not what you think. I didn’t step down as worship leader because of you.”
“Really?”
“Really. This is my last semester, I’ve got things to finish so I can graduate.”
“Really? When we talked, you told me everything was on schedule.”
“And it is, but I just want to make sure it all gets done on time.”
“I’m not buying it. First you break up with me, and then you quit the worship group. I’m pretty sure there’s a connection.”
“There’s no connection, Nia. I know you think the world revolves around you, but it doesn’t. I didn’t quit the worship team because of you. In the scheme of things, you’re just not that important.” He stood and walked away.
She sat on the sofa not moving, her eyes filled with tears. He thought she was self-centered. No wonder he broke up with her.
He turned and walked back to her. His voice was soft and gentle. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I’m just trying to explain to you. Me quitting the worship group’s not about you.”
“Then what is it about?”
He obviously struggled to say anything for the longest time.
Nia waited.
Finally he sat down. “My mom died two weeks ago.”
His words stunned her. “I…I am so sorry, Bart. I had no idea. Why didn’t you call me? I would have…” Her words trailed off.
“There was nothing you could do.”
Now she understood why he’d broken up with her. He didn’t want his white family to meet his black girlfriend. “I could have been there. For you.”
He shrugged.
“What happened?”
“Car accident.”
“That’s just horrible. I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks.”
“Not to make it about me, but I’m guessing this had something to do with us breaking up.”
“It just sort of put things in perspective for me. Made me realize I’m not ready for any kind of a relationship right now.”
Perspective? Maybe he hadn’t called her because he’d been embarrassed for his family to know he was dating an African-American. Biting her lip, she nodded. “I get it.”
“Get what?”
“I’m probably not the type of person your family would expect you to bring home.”
“You think I didn’t call you because I thought my family might not like you.” He sounded and looked confused. “They’d love you. What’s not to love? You’re sweet and kind and beautiful.”
“And black.”
His eyes widened. “Is that what you think, Nia? Really?”
“Well, what am I supposed to think? Everything was fine with us when you left. Your mother dies and you don’t even call me. You know I would have been there in a heartbeat for you. But you didn’t want me there.” She stood. “How’s that for perspective?” She walked outside, welcoming the fresh air—even if it was a bit chilly. Well that was that. Bart had made that clear enough to her. She wasn’t important to him. Apparently, she didn’t fit in with his life.
His mother’s death just clarified that for him.
***
Bart considered her words. Nia thought he broke up with her because she was African-American. But he really broke up with her because of her faith. It was strong and real and he didn’t want to damage her relationship with God. He should have told her the truth. She didn’t deserve to be hurt by him.
He jogged out.
Ahead, Nia strode with her arms stiff at her side. Every step looked a little angrier than the step before.
She was almost at the door of her dorm when he finally caught up to her. “Nia, hold on.”
She turned toward him. Tears tracked down her cheeks.
“Nia, I’m so sorry. I guess I didn’t really explain myself very well if you think the reason I broke up with you was about you—or your skin color. Trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s me.”
“It’s OK, Bart.”
“It is not OK if that’s what you think.” He put his arms around her. She tensed but didn’t move away. “I don’t care what color your skin is. I care that you are a sweet and kind person. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to do that.”
She stepped out of his arms. “Didn’t mean to do that? What did you think would happen when you broke up with me? I believed you when you told me that we were a possibility.”
“And I meant that, Nia. Really I did. At the time. But…” He ran his hands through his hair. He needed to tell her the truth. Did he really believe there was no God because his mother died? Or was he just so angry at God that he didn’t know how to handle it? “But everything’s changed now. I…don’t know what to say.”
***
Nia listened—really listened. Bart’s pain was etched on his face. Her anger and distrust disappeared, replaced with compassion. “Of course everything’s changed, Bart. Your mother died. How could it not change?”
“So you understand then.” His tone was hopeful. “It really isn’t about you. It’s definitely me.”
“I do understand, and I’m sorry I overreacted. There was no reason for me to think those hateful things about you. I’m really sorry I accused you of them. Please forgive me.”
“Of course, I can see why you’d think that. So we’re OK now?”
Her heart was still broken but she just had to suck it up. “As long as we’re still friends, we’re OK.”
He held out a hand. “To friendship.”
Nia forced a smile. “To friendship.”