Chapter Fifteen
How receptive are you to the idea of the Big Man (or Woman) in the Sky directing your life?
MADDIE SWUNG herself up into the driver’s seat of Trent’s truck. Excitement surged through her. She loved her car, but there was power in a big truck. Also power in being able to reach the gas and brake pedals, so she scooted the seat up, then took her time adjusting anything else she could think to adjust. The seat reclined a bit, and ooh, lumbar support. She could mess with that. Definitely had to move the mirrors. She’d change the radio station too.
Forget power in the truck. She wanted to have some power in whatever this screwed up relationship with him was.
He buckled into the passenger seat and sat silently while she made herself comfortable. She flashed him a smile full of mock innocence. “All set. Gee, I hope it won’t be hard for you to get it back the way you like it.”
He’d apologized. Again. And now he was letting her drive his truck. Maybe there was hope for him after all.
Not that she’d let up on pushing his buttons. She still didn’t entirely trust him.
He leaned across her and hit a switch on the door. While she tried not to inhale the clean scent of his hair or notice the way her breasts tightened where his arm brushed them—because he still wasn’t good enough material—the seat moved beneath her. Maddie squeaked out a surprised protest. Soon she couldn’t reach the pedals, the incline was wrong, and her lumbar support disappeared. She gawked at him. “What did you just do?”
“Memory seats. Ella wasn’t much taller than you. You gonna drive us back or what?”
Ella. So that’s who she was. Maddie rolled the fluffy name over in her mind, and decided it was a very good thing she hadn’t eaten. “I’m starting to think or what. You can be a real jerk, you know that?”
“Curse of being a man.”
Maddie got the seat right again and rolled the engine over. It purred to life like a tiger with a full belly, unlike Maddie, who’d developed a permanent twinge of nausea over her dating life. She reached over to mess with the radio and noticed a paper bag at his feet. “Is that from Ruby’s?” Maddie asked.
Trent nudged the bag with the toe of his sneaker. “Sacrifice to the election gods. Think if I burn it, they’ll let me out of the race?”
She shifted the truck into reverse and backed out of the parking spot. Trent stiffened beside her. So her driving made him nervous. Excellent. “Doesn’t matter to me one way or another.”
“Because you don’t think I have a shot at winning.”
She shifted into drive and tested the gas pedal. The engine whined, then the truck inched forward. He was right. The truck was heavy in back. Not the same as driving tractors over at the Simpson farm all those summers ago, but she could handle it. She pointed the truck out of the parking lot. “Win, lose, run, don’t run. I really don’t care anymore.”
Her heart danced in her chest. She was playing a dangerous game and she knew it. But she was tired of dealing with Fake Trent, and he was either on his game today, or he’d finally found where he fit in, and neither option gave her much hope for her survival instincts. Her temper tantrum had apparently amused him, so apathy was the only weapon she had left.
If only she could convince herself she didn’t care.
Trent stayed quiet until they hit the edge of town and she coaxed the truck up to fifty-five. “So,” he said, “guess you weren’t expecting Abel.”
She gritted her teeth. “No.”
“You looked interested last week.”
How polite of him to notice. “I was having a bad day.”
“You meet all your boyfriends on bad days?”
The cab was too wide for her to reach him with an elbow jab, so she settled for swerving the truck. She barely turned the wheel a fraction of an inch, but with the back end loaded down, it was enough. He hit one foot on the floor like he was looking for his own brake pedal and flailed his right arm for the oh, shit handle. “Jesus Christ.”
Maddie flashed another innocent smile. “There was a squirrel.” She made a minor adjustment to the rearview mirror. “But in answer to your other question, the dating pool here isn’t what I’m sure you’re used to in a big city.”
He grunted. “At least you know better than to settle for anything less than good enough.”
She started. Was that was she was doing? Instead of settling, trying to find something better, something that finally was good enough?
The implications hit her like an errant paint can. Maybe Parker was right. They had been selling it wrong. She needed a new campaign. A small one. They could afford a Facebook ad or two. Wouldn’t hurt to try it. Try a different angle for the men. Challenge them. Draw them in.
Hit ’em in the ego.
She started to smile. No reason to get too optimistic yet, but this had serious potential.
“It makes me nervous when you smile like that,” Trent said.
She smiled bigger. New marketing plan, new way to torture Trent. Maybe this day could be saved after all. “It should.”
“Do I want to know what’s got you happy now?”
“I was wondering,” she started, then shook her head. “Never mind.”
“Wondering what?”
Oh, yeah, he’d taken the bait. “If you’re good enough.”
“I seriously doubt it.”
Aw, crap. Now she was being the bully. Not to mention he’d poked a huge hole in her new marketing plan. If Trent couldn’t hold on to his ego, what chance was there the guys on MisterGoodEnough.com even had egos? “Jeez, first no electronic gadgets, and now no pride. You really are going to have to turn in your man card.”
“Probably.”
She glanced over at him. He was staring out the window at the rows and rows of dried up cornfields. They had a spooky quality in the dimming light. She sent an evil glance up at the Cupid devil in the sky, then sucked in her own sense of self-preservation once again. “She dumped you, huh?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Guess she didn’t appreciate your kissing other women, huh?”
“You’re the only woman I’ve been interested in kissing. And for the record, that was after she dumped me.”
She tightened her grip the steering wheel. “What happened?”
“Got a letter about delinquent property taxes on my parents’ place. My father hadn’t paid because he drank himself to death a couple of years ago, and my mother hadn’t paid because she never did anything.”
“You got dumped because your parents didn’t pay taxes?”
He let out a wry chuckle. “I got dumped because I told her I didn’t have parents.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“Wasn’t six years ago.”
Maddie’s stomach dipped so fast she thought she might’ve left it behind in a cornfield. Six years. He’d dated perfect little Ella for six years.
Lied to her for six years too. Sounded like Fake Trent at his finest. Available probably wasn’t the right word for him at the moment. “How do you sleep with somebody for six years while lying to them about something so fundamental about yourself?”
“You have parents. I had an alcoholic sperm donor and a wallflower egg incubator who were both more than happy to ship me off to Linda’s house every chance they got.”
“And yet you somehow managed to rise above it and, by most appearances, almost make something decent of yourself. If you didn’t trust your girlfriend to get it, you deserved to get dumped.”
“Sure did.” He sounded downright giddy about it.
“That makes you happy?” And they said women were confusing.
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Made me realize I’m tired of hiding who I am. Feels like I’m free now.”
She snorted. “Uh-huh.”
“You think I’m still hiding?”
“I think you’re too busy trying to charm the world and make yourself look good to let anybody see the real you.” She slowed the truck as they approached an intersection. If she went straight, they’d hit Wendell Springs in five minutes.
But if she went right, she’d get something else. Push him further. Test him.
Probably test herself in the process.
She switched on the right blinker.
“The real me wants to know why we’re turning,” he said.
“Ruby’s bathroom.”
“Uh-huh.”
The automatic lights flipped on, adding a faint illumination to the road in front of her. They wouldn’t have long. But the fading light propped up her courage. “So was that the real you hitting on me in Ruby’s bathroom last weekend? Or the real you at the Trough?”
“The real me can be an ass.”
She couldn’t help smiling at the self-deprecation in his tone.
“And I gotta tell you, the real me can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”
There was that tingling again.
She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. She needed to remember he’d leave sooner or later, and she needed to find a man she could count on. But there was that part of her that couldn’t let go. He’d been her first love. She’d always carry that with her.
She’d fallen for Fake Trent a long time ago, but her glimpses of Real Trent, good and bad, shook something more than just her composure.
She took a shaky breath. “Wow, that’s gotta be rough on you.”
“Maddie—”
“Where’d you find that mechanic? I hope he’s better with cars than he is with people.” She squeezed the wheel so tight it felt as if she were pushing the truck into the ground with her bare hands.
She could feel him staring at her. After an eternity, he finally spoke. “He is.”
“He had some very uncomplimentary things to say about your mechanical skills.”
“All true, I’m sure.”
“Although he did have the good taste to offer me a horrible pickup line.” She slowed down as the old junkyard sign came into view. “Oh, look. We’re here.”
She swung the truck into the small drive and stopped with the headlights pointed at the object of her desire. It was beautiful and special and full of a promise to piss Ruby off like nobody’s business.
“What’s the junkyard have to do with Ruby’s bathroom?”
“We’re putting a partition between the sink and toilet.” Maddie pointed straight ahead. “Buy me the passenger side.”
Trent’s jaw hung open for a second. He started to say something, stopped, and rubbed his chin. “You want to put the passenger side of a crappy old VW van in Ruby’s bathroom.”
“Yep.” If he wouldn’t do it, she was off the job. She didn’t know Ruby’s budget, but she didn’t care. From what she’d heard, Trent could afford to work for free.
She’d heard other stuff too. Stuff about his reputation. About the quality of his work. Not a single bad word from a customer. It’d been enough to lure her into googling him herself, and if there was one thing she knew for certain, Trent’s reputation wouldn’t let him put the side of a VW van into any job he worked, even something as inconsequential as a bathroom in a dying town in the middle of Illinois.
She watched him study the dilapidated old van. It wasn’t dented or rusted, the engine had simply stopped working, and now the poor old hunk of metal had no purpose beyond sitting on the side of the road as a reminder of times gone by. All Maddie wanted was a chance to give it a respectable home. Certainly wouldn’t hurt to irritate Ruby by bringing her hippie out. She’d flat-out rejected a Scooby-Doo!-inspired Web design two years ago with the declaration that she
“wasn’t a sellout,” and God help anyone who suggested flowers or peace signs.
Trent shook his head. “Driver side. You put the passenger side in there, people won’t be able to get past the sink.”
Maddie twisted toward him. “Passenger side, driver side, whatever. Put the whole thing in her bathroom for all I care. I want it in there.”
A devious chuckle rumbled from his chest. He hit Maddie with a full-force smile, then leaned over and planted a smacker on her cheek. “You got it.”
He lingered in her space for another beat. Maddie sucked in a breath. She loved the scent of soap and shingles trickling through her nose. But she still didn’t trust him.
Still, when was the next time she might get kissed like that?
He eased back into his own seat and cleared his throat. His gaze hung on her lips and his voice came out husky. “Think you can rustle up some love beads for a door?”
Her entire face flushed and her toes curled. This wasn’t Fake Trent. She didn’t know if it was Real Trent, but he was risking a hit to his name for her. His pulling away didn’t feel like a rejection. It felt like an honest show of respect.
She fluttered her hands toward the van and pretended her heart wasn’t mimicking them. Her voice wasn’t as steady as she would’ve liked either. “Leave the decorating to me. I know what I’m doing.”
His lips quirked. “I can see that. Can they split it for us here?”
“Sarah Jo’s dad can do it. He’ll appreciate the work.”
“You and your brother,” Trent muttered. “You’ll save that town yet.”
Her pulse evened out. “It’s home.” And it always would be, no matter where she lived, no matter how much her fellow citizens irritated her at times.
“They’re lucky to have you.”
More warmth spread to her cheeks.
“I’ll call about the van in the morning,” Trent said.
With a smile, Maddie put the truck in reverse before everything went completely to her head. “I’ll get the first coat of paint done before the weekend. Let me know when the partition and floor are in so I can finish up.”
“Sure.”
Her phone buzzed. She pulled it out and glanced down at the display, then snuck a peek at Trent. He stared at the phone, one hand on his oh, shit handle again. She handed the phone to him. “Answer that, will you?”
He took it, but didn’t answer. “You want me to talk to Simon?”
“You told Abel I was your campaign manager. My brother’s going to want some answers.” She pointed to the clock on the dash. “It’s been half an hour. Most of the town probably knows by now.”
He sighed but he answered it. “Hey, Simon.”
A tinny string of obscenities exploded from the phone. Maddie grinned.
“This thing got a volume control?” Trent grumbled.
Maddie giggled. “Never been a problem for me before.”
He sighed again and put the phone back to his ear. “You kiss your mother with that mouth? Relax. You can have the job. I don’t want it.”
Maddie couldn’t make out Simon’s answer, so she had to settle for piecing it together from the side of the conversation she could hear.
“Look, the mayor’s not running. You want my advice, get in this race fast. Got a whole list of complaints to pass on to you if you want ’em. Longer you wait, better I’m gonna look, and I want out as of yesterday.” Trent said. “Uh-huh…That’s between you and your sister, man.”
That was the second time he’d insisted the mayor didn’t want the job anymore. Maybe it was true. And if it was, why had they waited so long? “What’s between us?” Maddie asked. “What did he say?”
Trent ignored her. “Interrupt her date? Don’t think so. She was talking to Abel Doogan. Looked friendly, but not friendly, you know what I mean?”
She didn’t know if she wanted to shove him out of the truck or thank him for helping her save face.
“Nah, her car wouldn’t start, so I offered her a ride…No, I—Oh. Nuh-uh, man. You tell her yourself.”
“Tell me what?” Maddie poked at him. He caught her fingers. And held on.
Her belly dipped again.
She didn’t trust him, but his hand felt better than Abel’s had. Stronger. Warmer.
Capable.
All those things she always thought she’d found, just to be proven wrong.
She tugged her hand away and switched the blinker on. Five more minutes, and they’d be back in Wendell Springs. She’d drive herself home, lock him out, finish Ruby’s bathroom, and kiss him good-bye.
Figuratively, of course.
“Me? Can’t Parker—Oh. Yeah, I can do that. How about an hour?” Trent said. “Sure, I’ll tell her...Okay. Later.”
Trent shifted beside her. “How do you turn this thing off?”
She took it, glanced down to see that Simon had hung up, and put it away. “Did you just charm my brother?”
“Nope. I set the record straight. He wants you to call him.”
No doubt. “Why?”
“Apparently I’m not trustworthy, and I don’t deserve you as a campaign manager.”
Maddie smiled. “You don’t say. What exactly is he supposed to tell me himself?”
“That you’re too good for me.”
She snorted. “Liar.”
“What? You think Simon wouldn’t say that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because big brothers threaten to kick a guy’s ass for their little sisters, but they don’t go so far as to offer compliments to said little sisters at the same time. It’s a rule.”
“Not a very good one.”
Maddie sniffed. “What are you two up to?”
“Taking care of some business.”
Something felt off. She didn’t like it. “Nice of you to help him out with all the mayor stuff.”
“I try.”
It struck her out of nowhere. He really was trying. She didn’t know the particulars of his home life or why Linda didn’t want him back, but for tonight, with her, he was being a decent guy.
She suspected it wasn’t something he’d learned from his parents, and that made his efforts worth even more.
And here she was again, about to jump deeper into his life. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“What happened with you and Linda?”
For a long minute, he didn’t say anything. She stole a quick glance at his profile and found that he was watching at her. Finally, he shook his head. “You know what I like about you?”
Her pulse leapt. She wasn’t entirely sure she could handle the answer. “I think I’d do better with the list of what you don’t like.”
“I trust you.”
She imagined for him, that was saying something. Maybe it wasn’t saying a lot of good about his judgment, since she wasn’t sure she trusted herself tonight. “That must really bother you.”
He fidgeted with the air vents. “Here’s the thing. That’s my problem, but I’ve been blaming you for it. I’ve put more on you than I have any right to ask you to carry. I’d like to tell you what happened. Think it might make me feel a hell of a lot better. But it won’t make you feel any better, and I’m not going to keep dragging you into my problems.”
Her heart melted into a puddle and dripped down to her toes. That was either the best apology she’d ever gotten, or he’d completely mastered the art of kissing ass while protecting his own. But Fake Trent didn’t fidget. Fake Trent would’ve blown her off with a smile and a comment guaranteed to set her off.
So it was up to her. Was she curious enough to ask him to tell anyway?
Or was she smart enough to drop it?
“How long are you planning on sticking around?” she asked.
“Way things are going, probably another month or two, at least.”
“You can do that? Just take a few months off work?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a business partner, and we’ve got a great crew that does most of the heavy lifting for us now. Guess you could say I’ve morphed into management. There’s some stuff I can’t do from here, but it’s running smoother than I thought it would. Might have to take a trip or two back, but this is home base for a while.”
Whether she liked it or not, he’d most likely be around until the holidays.
Wouldn’t be such a quick good-bye after all.
She probably wouldn’t get another chance to ask. A small-town girl at heart, she couldn’t fight the love of a good story even if she’d never share it with another soul. Plus, it’d be easier to handle him on his more difficult days if she understood him more. She’d been dragged into it, so she might as well know the whole story.
Or so she told herself. “So what happened with Linda?”
“You sure you want to know?”
“Oh, I’m curious now.” Curious and, unfortunately, slightly masochistic.
He stretched his legs out as the sparse lights of Wendell Springs twinkled into view. “Ella’s a nurse. She works in the cancer ward at the children’s hospital in Atlanta.”
Oh, good. The long version, probably without any real tie to the original question. Maddie tried not to make a face at the mention of Saint Ella.
“I never told her about Andi,” he said.
Maddie’s lips parted. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“You never told her any of it?”
“Nope.”
“Bad move, Romeo.”
He chuckled. “Figured that one out for myself.”
“Hey, that’s good progress. You are handicapped by that Y chromosome.”
He reached for the air vents again, then adjusted the heat. “Probably should’ve told her about my parents too, but I had a good idea how that’d end. We’d never fought about anything before. Didn’t see any reason to start.”
The guy acted as though he understood people. “For future reference, not fighting is also a bad sign.”
“Your parents fight?”
“Yep. Not a lot, but every once in a while. Normal stuff, like who’s slacking on dishwasher duty or who’s working too hard or folding the socks wrong.” She screwed her nose up. “Don’t ever ask about the making up, okay?”
“Think I can handle that,” he said drily.
“So you spent six years with a woman who would’ve totally gotten it about Andi, and you never told her,” Maddie prompted.
“I couldn’t.” He was fidgeting again. “Didn’t know how.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I did, she’d hate me for the same reason Linda does.”
“And why is that?”
He took a deep breath. “I never got tested to see if I was a bone marrow match.”
She whipped her head around and gaped at him. The truck swerved a little, but she straightened the wheel and put her focus back on the road. “Why not?” she murmured.
“Old man wouldn’t let me. Stopped me every time I tried.”
“What a jerk! Why would he do that?” Why, she could handle asking. How, probably not.
“Wasn’t as much glory for him in my saving a life as there was in my playing ball, I suppose.”
Maddie shuddered. What a horrid man. “But the drive at school—”
“I know. Believe me, I know. Thought I’d have another chance, and nobody had to know I hadn’t done it yet.”
So when he’d never gotten his chance, when Andi died, he hadn’t had anything else. It didn’t matter if Linda blamed him. He’d blamed himself. “Oh, Trent.”
“My own fault. Now I get to clean it up.”
If he could. Maddie shivered. “Did she blame you?”
“Andi? No. Never.”
“I know Andi didn’t.” Andi had worshipped the ground he walked on, much like the rest of the school. “Did Linda?”
“Yeah.” His knee started bouncing up and down. “Pretty sure she knew I was alive. Guy over at the county appraiser’s office said they got a tip to send the tax bills to me from a woman with a smoker’s cough.”
Icy dread clawed at her. If he really wanted Linda’s forgiveness, if he wouldn’t leave without it, he could be stuck here forever. And all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and tell him he couldn’t beat himself up forever over something he couldn’t change.
They drove past the dented signs welcoming them to the cozy little town of Wendell Springs, National Tree City and Rutabaga Capital of the World. Two more minutes, and she’d be home.
Two more minutes, and she’d leave Trent all alone again.
Darn man was awful hard to stay mad at.
She finally pulled the truck up to the curb outside her house. Her dad would’ve known what to do, what to say. But Maddie just felt awkward. She unbuckled her seat belt and glanced over at him.
He wasn’t looking at the house, not at the street, not anywhere but right back at her. Touching was a bad, bad idea. But she couldn’t stop her hand from reaching up to cup his cheek. “If you were meant to save her, you would’ve,” she whispered. “She’s where she’s supposed to be.”
“You think so?” He gazed at her as if her beliefs were the only thing standing between him and eternal damnation.
“I know so.” His skin was rough under her fingers, prickly but warm.
He gripped her hand loosely and held it there while he turned his lips to her hand and kissed her palm. “You think things happen for a reason?”
The husky note in his voice sent panic skittering through her chest even as her belly tightened. She took a slow breath and licked her lips. “Sometimes.”
His fingers curled into her hair, and she involuntarily leaned toward him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to be looking for someone else. This was a test, that was all.
“I’m starting to think this is one of them,” he murmured. His head tilted, and his lips brushed hers. But unlike Monday night, everything about this kiss was slow and gentle. No tricks, no power struggle, just pure, simple affection from a guy who wasn’t completely available. Not emotionally, anyway.
Tears stung her eyes. A cozy warmth spread out from her chest, down her belly to her hips and thighs, up to her neck and shoulders and arms, and she recognized the pang of longing flickering to life low in her abdomen.
This was what being loved what supposed to feel like.
She wrenched away from him and fumbled for the door handle, blinking at her hands. “Thanks for the ride,” she stuttered. The door gave way, and she stumbled out of the truck. “See you around.”
She rushed to her house, her breathing unsteady, her thoughts even more jumbled. But they all circled back to one thing.
What if he was right?
What if there was a reason he couldn’t stay out of her life? What if God or the universe had some master plan Maddie didn’t understand yet?
What would she do then?
PULLING AWAY from Maddie’s house was one of the hardest things Trent had ever done. He didn’t want to leave her. He wanted to follow her inside, tuck her into his arms, and beg her to give him a chance to prove he could be the man she needed. He wanted to kiss her, touch her, hold her, talk with her, learn her. No one—no one—had ever accepted his biggest shortcomings so easily. Maybe it was time he accepted them himself.
He hadn’t expected her. Hadn’t been ready for this. But if she was right, if he couldn’t have saved Andi even if he’d been a match, then there was a reason she’d bought Linda’s house. There was a reason she was the first person he’d seen when he came back to town. There was a reason he trusted her.
There was a reason he couldn’t stay away from her. She was his gift from the universe, and it was up to him to make sure he didn’t screw this one up too.
So although he wanted to make sure she was okay, he forced himself to drive away. She was spooked. Hell, he was too. He’d lost everyone else he’d ever cared about, and he didn’t want to lose Maddie.
He’d had a lot of experience goofing up this sort of thing. This time, he’d do it right. He’d show her exactly how much she meant to him, and he’d show her himself in the process.
He hoped he would be enough.