I didn’t understand “Light My Fire” but at fourteen could feel it was nasty not what we New York kids slow danced to at our 8th grade parties: “Save Your Heart for Me” was so Yesterday. The time to hesitate wasn’t through, but I sure wanted to try to set the night on fire when Dino from Phil’s Pizza gave me that look as he handed me a slice, touched my lips with his fingers I was sipping grape soda, came in that white cone shaped paper cup, my tongue purple as a deep blue dream, my teeth biting the edges raw, my sunburned thighs mother’s warnings, brother’s guitar, boyfriend’s Timex slipping off my wrist the end of sanitary pads, bring on the Tampax, bellbottoms, miniskirts, black eyeliner and coming home last day of school before vacation, there was Janet’s mother splattered on the steaming sidewalk in front of our building dressed up in a white lace skirt, blouse, lady gloves, we were walking down 89th Street could see the chalk lines etched around her body she had four children—the family from LA—we called them, dad in the music business, she jumped from her 10th floor living room window Riders on the Storm into this life we’re born, into this world we’re thrown, Janet’s mother dead, her kids huddled behind the yellow tape,you know the day destroys the night, night divides the day, next morning I left for LA, summer of love, teen tour, campers on an overnight train, first stop Chicago pushing our bodies into every sunset on our way out west, tee-shirts tight across our chests, summer of Valley of the Dolls, desert heat all of us in the moment as the moment was making history, when I saw his name on the marquee of the Whiskey my heart jumped out of the tour bus—could he love me madly? I would let him eat every secret I had right out of my mouth Jim Morrison was the darkness I wanted to get lost in Don’t you love her madly want to be her daddy don’t you love her as she’s walking out the door Stop Children what’s that sound Come on, baby, take a chance with us and meet me at the back of the blue bus . . . one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small go ask any of us drowning diet pills with diet coke diet crackers, diet vomit, could music save our very souls as parents were dropping out of windows Riots on Sunset and back home, we too were blasting the Byrds, yes Something’s Happening Here There and Everywhere we were turning on our love lights Jim Morrison I’d have kissed you loud enough to wake the dead that summer when we ironed our hair in a little motel facing the Hollywood Hills miles away from the dreary city where our mothers were killing themselves angels in white lace, wrong time wrong place you know that I would be untrue you know that I would be a liar . . . can you see that I am not afraid—what was that promise that you made? This is the end, beautiful friend. This is the end my only friend.
And all the children are insane, the children are insane, waiting for the summer rain.