“Nonsense. You have all that baking to do for the local fundraiser. I will help with the kinner today,” Jenny insisted as she continued taking up space in Hazel’s kitchen. After the incident at the bakery, Hazel wondered why Jenny even thought to come over at all. If ever a woman was born more persistent Hazel hadn’t met her yet.
Hazel poured the dough out on the floured surface and studied the woman briefly before giving the yeasty mixture a good jab in the center. “It wonders me that your mudder can spare you today.”
“Mudder encourages each of us to be of use to the community around us.”
“Jah, she is a wise woman, but I assure you that Lydia and I need no help taking care of sweet kinner,” Hazel said.
“After the scene at the bakery, I disagree,” Jenny said.
Where the young maedel got such a disrespectful attitude was beyond Hazel. Her parents were upstanding members of the community.
Hazel turned and shoved both fists on her hips. “Jenny Schwartz, it was not kind the way you spoke to Lydia and you know I have raised one family already and need no help tending to this one.”
Jenny fetched a glass from the cabinet. “Of course not.” She filled the glass with water under the faucet and turned to Hazel. “But you have the bakery and Rose see after.” Jenny turned to Mary May. “Kumm, Mary, let us take this to your daed.”
Hazel watched as they exited the kitchen side door. Desperation on an aging maedel was an ugly thing. Maybe Hazel was focusing too much on Silas and Lydia. What she needed to be doing was finding a strong-willed man capable of handling troublesome maedels. Jah, that’s what she should do. Finding a match for Jenny would be no easy task, but when doing the Lord’s bidding, one had to put in the extra effort.
Putting all cares of Jenny aside and resuming to hum, she started kneading the dough. Bishop Schwartz had been right when he first approached her. Silas needed saving, just as her Lydia did. Both seemed to be stuck in their grief, and a person couldn’t go anywhere when they were stuck now could they? It wasn’t right that two people should miss their chance at happiness.
The whole plan had been perfect, help two hearts heal and become one. That was until Andy and Jenny derailed their good intentions. Her Lydia was building a life for herself she hadn’t even thought of before.
She forced another fist into the dough and folded it twice before punching it again. She’d witnessed weeks as quarrels turned into understanding, and acceptance grew into appreciation. Love was the only reasonable next blessing. Her Lydi deserved love just as Gracie and Martha had. It didn’t seem she was going to find it on her own, so Hazel had meddled, as she was prone to do. Her youngest was special in many ways, and it would take a special man to love her the way she deserved to be loved. And Hazel believed with all her heart that Silas Graber was just that man.
***
Silas finished helping Mr. Bontrager load Blue into the trailer. The men shook hands and Silas accepted the check for making the mare ready for a teenager to trail ride on. She was a good horse, smart, and learned quickly. Silas glanced towards the house, noticing the old mare tied out front, and let out a sigh knowing Jenny had made another unexpected visit.
“I have a friend who shows racking horses. Have you ever worked with them before?” the wiry-figured man asked.
Silas pulled his gaze from the house and glanced down at the man’s boots, the kind that fit the part, but nothing more, and nodded. “Jah. But I don’t have the weights required for their legs no longer. Sold most of the tacking and gear off a few years ago. If he has the proper equipment, I can handle the rest.” Silas could always use the extra income.
They exchanged the proper numbers and Silas watched the truck and trailer lumber down the gravel drive and turn onto the main road. He dared another glance towards the house. He was thirsty, but the pump would do fine for now. Then he realized Jenny Schwartz was stomping his way across the yard with a glass in her hand and Mary May miles behind her. Not today. He shrugged.
Mary May wore no smile, just as she had when Rebecca had lived here. A man could learn a lot about people by the way a small child viewed upon them first.
Jenny’s mouth began speaking long before she had reached him. “Hazel says she needs no help, but she has so much to do, and at her age—” She took a winded breath. “I am certain it is more than she can handle. I would like to help. Perhaps look after the kinner today.”
“Hazel can outwork both of us. She needs no help. Besides, the children have chores to do.”
“Surely I can see over Mary May.” Jenny smiled down at Mary May.
“That won’t be necessary. I’m sure your mudder would appreciate you at home. Doesn’t she also help with the fundraiser?” Silas removed his hat and brushed it on his britches leg.
“I just thought with Lydia running off all the time and courting and all, I could get to know the kinner better.”
Silas refrained from reacting to her abrupt comment, which he suspected was her reasoning for it in the first place. “You know them as well as any in our community,” he said.
“You know what I mean.” Jenny smiled, her dress swaying as if she were nineteen again.
Silas was never in favor of women who liked to play coy. “Lydia tends to the children. Hazel too when she gets a day off.” His tone was solid, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
“She cut Mary May’s hair, you know. Tried to hide it from you, but we all seen it. You know she will leave. She will take on this little charity like she does all the others and wisp away like she always does. I know what is necessary to see a thing through. I would never do such a foolish thing without your consent, of course.”
“I am aware of Mary May’s hair, and I don’t need what you consider necessary. Danki, but today is not a gut day for company. I have things to do and suspect you do too. Mary May will be helping me.” His daughter’s eyes beamed in sparkling blue. Leaning over, Silas swept her up and into his arms and strolled away from Jenny Schwartz and her need to intrude on the lives of others.
“So, my little one,” Silas said, twirling a finger around a short, thick curl of hair, “how did this happen?”
***
Lydia brushed out her damp, long hair, fifty strokes just as Mudder had taught her as a child. She hoped she had not made a mistake agreeing to see Andy again.
The children were all tucked in for the night, and not dreaming of Jenny Schwartz being their mudder. Lydia hoped. She shuddered to think of it, but there was nothing she could do to change that. Mary May had all but told her how Jenny wanted to take her to a quilting bee tomorrow. A quilting bee Lydia was certain not to attend now.
She coiled her hair carefully and secured it before placing the prayer covering over her head. The deep blue of her dress matched her eyes. It had been her favorite to wear for church Sunday. Lydia slipped out of her room towards the door of the little dawdi haus.
“He is not replacing you. The kinner love you.” Her mudder’s voice called out from the nearby bedroom. Lydia stepped into the doorway, both hands grasping the other. Hazel was propped up in her bed, Bible on her lap. The flicker of lamplight illuminated a few silver strands blended with her natural brown color. “I know my dochder. Just because I told you about Jenny’s visit today shouldn’t make you want to do something foolish. Silas would never want you to leave here. You are meeting Andy tonight, jah?” Her mother grinned.
“You cannot know what Silas wants. I don’t think he even knows, but if he were to marry her, we will have no cause to be here any longer. I must consider our future. Your future as well.” Could Mudder not see her future was insecure here?
Hazel chuckled. “I am blessed to have a child who worries over me so.” Hazel waved a finger at her. “And you are thinking ahead too far, following one path because you think it the right one. Let Gott show you the one He wants for you.”
God was leading her, Lydia wanted to say. Why else would Andy be here?
A light caught her eyes out her mudder’s window, and she realized it must be Andy waiting for her. “I must go.” Turning, she paused. “Could you pour the feeders out tomorrow? They should be tossed away. It was stupid to hang them here anyways.” Before her mother could reply, Lydia ran out into the night.
***
In the backdrop of a fiery sunset, Andy veered the horse onto the county road. She glanced over and took in the full look of him. He wore dark trousers and a crisp blue shirt. She preferred suspenders on a man. He also smelled of musk, the kind the Englisch driver wore. The one many turned to when Karen wasn’t available.
“I thought after ice cream we could take a drive over by the lake just like we used to.” She had agreed to spend some time with him, but the idea of a late-night drive around Twin Fork Lake with Andy made her uncomfortable.
“I think ice cream would be nice, but if you don’t mind, I would like to return early tonight. I have much to do kumm morning.” She had children to tend to, laundry and mending, and seeds to sow. There would be color on that farm if it were the last thing she did. For the children.
“I’ll take any time you will give me.” Andy floated her a smile. At eighteen, she imagined a life with him. Now, she needed to know if she could trust him to stick around.
At the ice cream diner, Andy jumped out of the buggy to fetch them both a treat and returned, presenting her with a chocolate mint cone. Not her preferred flavor, but if she could eat Lily Peachy’s chicken and tomato casserole at gatherings, Lydia could manage to eat one small ice cream cone.
“I remembered your favorite,” Andy boasted and offered a flirty smile. They had shared ice cream at the diner three times years ago, and each time she had eaten butter pecan. She wouldn’t begrudge his forgetting after four years.
“Rumor is Jenny Schwartz and Silas are courting. You think they may have a Christmas wedding?”
She was mid-bite when the question came. She choked on the hard swallow it forced upon her. When did Silas find time to court?
“Are you okay?”
“Jah,” she spit the bite out and quickly brought a napkin to her mouth.
“You always did like ice cream.” Andy used his napkin to reach over and swipe her chin.
They sat eating ice cream and watching locals mill about, but Lydia could only think of the children. Silas was a grown man. He could court and marry and do whatever he saw fit.
But the children.
She shivered. Would seeing them at church and gatherings be enough? And who would tuck them in at night, read them stories?
“Do you think we could go now? I really am tired this evening.” All the way home, Andy talked of his sister’s new boppli, of his work in his onkel’s buggy shop, and of his willingness to start taking Bishop Schwartz’s baptismal classes. Andy never tired of talking. Moonlight had brightened everything in sight and made the night look beautiful. She wanted to enjoy the ride, this time alone with him after all this time. Instead, she found his talk of their time apart hurtful. He had lived a whole life without her, and while he was doing so, she suffered heartbreak after heartbreak.
When they pulled into the drive, Andy stopped just a few feet beyond the mailbox. “Let me help you down.” Andy came to her side of the buggy and lifted Lydia to the ground. His hands remained holding her waist as he paused, looking down into her eyes. It was a look of wanting coated in confidence.
For a moment she considered that long-awaited kiss. She had dreamed about it so many nights. Then she remembered the promise she had made to herself when he left. She took a step to the side, and his hands fell away from touching her. Twenty-three and she had never been kissed. Hannah had teased her more than once about that. What was wrong with her? Here Gott was laying opportunity at her feet, and she was wasting precious time. It was just a kiss.
“I should go,” she said.
“At least let me walk you all the way to the house.” He offered her a hand.
She stared at his outstretched hand with a mingle of emotions. She loved him once and yet, nothing about tonight felt familiar. There were no butterflies or nerves, only unease. Andy was trying, she could see that. He said he had changed. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one.
Andy nodded, sensing her hesitation. “It’s okay Lydi. Take all the time you need.”
“Danki for the ice cream.”
He tipped his straw hat curtly and climbed back into his buggy.
“Gut nacht, Lydi.”
Watching Andy drive away, she hoped she hadn’t just let her only chance ride away.
She took her time strolling down the drive. Fresh air did wonders for a cluttered mind her mother always said. Frogs sang in the distance. Cage nickered in his corral. She lifted her head, spied the stars, and felt so small.
She took a second glance at the main house. A light flickered over barren walls in the top bedroom window in the distance. At ten at night, the children surely wouldn’t still be awake. She picked up her pace, hoping no one had fallen ill in her absence. Once I wrap my head around this, accept Andy as my future, how will I tell the children goodbye? Gott remained silent to her question.
Gravel crushed under her shoes, and she suddenly recognized it was Silas’s window that held the light. He was up. She stared at the window for longer than she should have, wondering what troubled his thoughts tonight. The man was a mystery wrapped up in warm hazel eyes, lips that were totally kissable, and rough hands that touched tenderly. The lantern faded away until it was out. Had he waited for her return? Just the thought that he had waited up for her, awakened every nerve in her body. She placed a hand to her chest, but it did nothing to slow her racing heart.
***
He didn’t need light to maneuver around the house, but at the sound of Mary May’s whimpering seeping into his room, he grabbed up the lamp and hurried down the hall to her. He stepped toward her little twin-sized bed, noting she was in fact asleep. Something had disrupted her innocent dreams tonight. He had his ideas but pushed them away as he brushed the hair from her face with his fingertips. He lingered on the shortened curl.
She snuggled deeper into the quilt, and he tucked it around her. Standing, he saw a light out the window bouncing down the drive, telling him that Lydia had returned.
He remembered courting, sometimes not returning home to sneak back into bed before daybreak. This was a good sign.
He crept back into his room and dimmed the lantern until the light was extinguished. Moonlight revealed the shadows and he leaned on the window frame to take in the slim shadowy figure strolling down the drive.
When she glanced up, Silas held still. She probably couldn’t see him, but he waited until she continued around the house before slipping back under the covers.
He didn’t want to think of Andy Weaver kissing her good night, tainting those fragile lips. Andy had probably kissed those lips plenty. He shouldn’t care. If he was what made her happy, he shouldn’t care, but he did. He knew by heart the ruddy lines of her mouth. He had memorized the contours and changes. When she was angry, they grew taunt into a firm line, when frustrated, they separated to expel a hard breath. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking what kissing her would be like. It would be in his best interest to assume she tasted bitter, soured by what life had thrown at her. He should do more thinking like that. Maybe it would help him rid his mind of her.