Autumn 1941
Rilla had never looked happier.
“He got down on one knee,” she said, gray eyes sparkling. Pressing a palm over her heart, she reached for Alex’s arm. A flush crept up the man’s neck and flooded his face with color as he brought his fiancée’s knuckles to his lips.
Every woman at the breakfast table, along with a dozen others who stood in a ring around them, dissolved in a chorus of coos and sighs.
It was as if the transformation from sweet girl to woman in full bloom had happened overnight. Allina reached across the table to pat her friend’s hand. “I’m thrilled for you both!” she shouted, after the group erupted in conversation, squawking like so many geese. As the questions swirled around them—Have you set a date? Will there be time for a honeymoon? and most important, What will you wear?—Rilla smiled at Allina and mouthed, “I’ll tell you everything later.”
To the group, she held up a single hand. “We plan on a simple ceremony. There’s no time for anything else. We’ll go to the registrar’s office on Saturday.”
Another bright cloud of chatter erupted, but Rilla stopped all lines of questioning with an airy wave. “I don’t give a fig about my dress. Besides, Alex must return to Prague on Monday. We’re lucky he could get three days’ leave.” She turned to Allina. “You’ll come to the registrar’s office, won’t you? You’ll stand up for us?”
Allina’s throat tightened. “Of course I will.”
“I wish Karl could be here,” Rilla said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Alex told me he wasn’t able to get away.”
That bit of information was enough to make Allina start in her chair. When she turned her attention toward Alex, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Rilla’s beloved became instantly enraptured with the face of his watch.
The rapid click-clack of Schwester Ziegler’s heels against the floor tiles preceded the head nurse’s arrival, as usual. When she broke through the crowd, her attention went straight to Allina. Her mouth was pinched in a sour pucker, and her eyes were sharp.
“We’ve just had a telephone call from Prague,” she said. “I’m afraid I have a bit of concerning news from your husband.”
The group inhaled a communal gasp. The head nurse raised her eyes heavenward and shooed them away with a muttered complaint about unnecessary drama. She sat down beside Allina.
“I’ll come straight to the point,” she said. “Your husband’s aunt is ill, gravely so, I’m sorry to say. Some sort of lung ailment. The Gruppenführer asks that you attend her immediately.”
In more than a month of wild imaginings, Allina had been certain she’d have to manufacture shock or concern. She’d practiced her response in the mirror. Yet here the moment was, and she had no need to pretend. Her heart was beating so hard she felt like it would leap from her chest.
“I see,” Allina whispered.
“You’ve got excellent nursing instincts,” Ziegler added. “I’m sure she’ll be grateful to have you there.”
The head nurse gave her the rest of the details in her usual no-nonsense manner. Allina was to travel to Basel by train as soon as she was able, preferably within a day. Adele’s servant would meet her at the station in Basel. Allina could stay as long as was necessary, although the head nurse hoped two weeks would be sufficient.
“Rilla is capable of attending to your duties while you’re away,” she added. “Wendeline can help, and I’ll have Marta pitch in, if necessary.” She turned to Rilla and frowned. “That will cut your wedding festivities short. I’d hoped to give you Sunday as a free day. I’m afraid there’s no alternative.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Rilla said. She came around the table and gave Allina a sturdy hug, enveloping her in the scent of lavender shampoo. “Silly goose, don’t you worry about a thing,” she whispered into Allina’s ear. “Alex and I will see you through.”
“Very good,” Ziegler said. “I’ll leave Allina in your capable hands. Thanks to you both.”
As soon as the head nurse left the room, Allina burst into tears.
“Oh no, no, no,” Rilla insisted, pulling her back into a soft embrace. “You mustn’t worry. Everything will be fine.”
“I know it will,” Allina whispered, lying to her friend another time. “But I’m sad I’ll miss your wedding.” When Rilla pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, Allina allowed her to wipe at her tears.
“You should leave tonight,” Alex said. “You can catch the evening train at Karlsruhe. I’m happy to provide escort.”
When Alexander’s glance met hers, Allina saw compassion there, and sadness—and a flash of sharp intelligence that gave him away.
Rilla missed the look, so intent was she on lending Allina comfort. “You see?” she said, “How lucky is it that my Alex is here, today of all days, and free to take you to the station.”
It became apparent immediately why Karl had advised her to pack beforehand. The rest of the day passed as the wind blows before a summer storm.
The house needed straightening, and cleaning settled her mind like nothing else. Once the housework was done, doubt crept in and Allina found herself second-guessing the plan. She checked and rechecked each item in her suitcase and fussed with the packets of reichsmarks she’d sewn into the lining of her purse and coat. Nearly an hour was wasted on the clues she’d planted in the house weeks before. The symphony tickets, her journal, even the appointment cards from the salon and solicitor were laid out for all to see. Were they too obvious? After shifting them from dressing table to hall table to the den and back again, Allina realized she had put them back in their original positions. Hang it all. What was done, was done. She took a half hour to bathe and dress before leading Katrine into the garden, where they spent a few precious minutes in the sun, cheeks pressed to the warm, fuzzy faces of the sunflowers. When might it be safe to return to the Sunflower House and the field Karl’s grandmother had planted two generations ago?
Allina returned to Hochland Home at two o’clock with an hour to say good-bye. This was just as well because, despite her tiredness, she was jumpy as a cat. Katrine, who picked up on her frazzled nerves, was cranky and whining.
Rilla met them at the door to their classroom with her sunny smile.
“The children want to see you,” she said. Rilla smiled and wrapped an arm around Allina’s waist as she guided her into the room.
“Surprise!” the children yelled in unison. The little ones held up pieces of paper with brightly painted scenes in their hands. Wendeline beamed with pride from the back of the room.
“I told them you were going on a trip,” Rilla said, plucking Katrine from her arms, “and that you were sad to leave Hochland Home for a few weeks. We painted happy pictures to cheer you up, didn’t we, children?”
A chorus of cheers and sibilant yeses filled the room.
“Take your time,” Rilla murmured, giving her a discreet nudge forward, “while I get us a cup of tea.”
Allina was too tired to cry. The tears were there behind her eyes and at the back of her throat, but her body didn’t have the energy to weep. Instead she picked her way among the desks, kneeling to speak with each child as they explained their handiwork. There were pictures of flower gardens and sunny skies, of dogs and cats and birds, of children playing and Schwestern tending, all painted in loud, happy colors. She praised each creation as chubby hands pressed them into her arms, and caressed pink cheeks and golden hair in silent good-byes.
Rilla came back into the room soon enough, with a now-giggling Katrine in her arms and a cup of prescription-strength tea.
“Sit down,” she ordered. “Drink your tea while Wendeline gives the children their afternoon snack.”
When Alex appeared in the doorway, Allina felt his presence as a physical jolt.
She couldn’t speak. She just stood there, while her gaze took in Rilla, and then Alex, and, finally, the classroom.
Her time here was over. She’d wasted her last hour.
Allina reached into her purse for a parcel and handed it to Rilla. “I thought you might want to wear these,” she whispered, as Rilla ripped away the paper wrapping, revealing the lace veil and gloves Schwester Ziegler had given Allina on her wedding day. When her friend’s eyes overflowed with tears, she knew she’d made the right decision.
“They’re perfect. I haven’t had time to think about finding anything.”
“I’m sorry I’ll miss the wedding,” Allina whispered. I’m sorry for everything. For all the secrets and for not being a better friend, for abandoning the children, and for leaving you here, alone, to finish the work we began together.
“You’ll see each other again soon enough,” Alex said, dashing over from the doorway. “We need to leave now, or you’ll miss your train.”
He clapped a hand on Allina’s shoulder, making her jump again. “Schwester Ziegler had me load your suitcase into the car. It’s time.”
The ride to Karlsruhe, according to Alex, was a four-hour drive—hours which were oddly both the longest and shortest ones of her life. Alex seemed intent on giving her privacy; he neither attempted to trade pleasantries nor asked questions. The engine’s purr soothed Katrine to sleep, leaving Allina alone with the contradictory jumble of her thoughts.
She’d come to Hochland Home a brutalized prisoner, then became both witness, and participant, to its horrors. Nevertheless, Allina had found satisfaction in the work and her ability to improve the lives of the children. She’d helped save dozens from extermination, thanks to the rehabilitation program. But there were hundreds, perhaps thousands more across Germany whom she would never have the chance to help. And what would become of those who’d improved, who thrived? They’d go on to lives in service to their Führer. Perhaps she was no better than the rest of the Schwestern at Hochland Home.
She’d found friendship and love here, but was leaving everything but her daughter behind, perhaps even her husband. Karl had gone to all lengths to protect her. Would he go to those same lengths to save himself?
Allina shivered. All thoughts down that particular road were hell-bent for bedlam.
Remember, her mind instructed as the car sped down the Reichsautobahn. Remember how the birch and linden trees explode with color in autumn and how blue the sky is today. Remember the children. Remember what happened here …
Allina jolted awake.
“You’ve been out for two hours,” Alex said. “We’re about forty minutes away.”
It seemed impossible that she’d fallen asleep, but now that she was awake, Allina couldn’t stand another minute of silence.
“What did he tell you?” she asked. “How much do you know?”
“As much, and as little, as you do,” Alex answered with a grim twitch of the lips. “The less I know, the better. We each do our part, but alone.”
So there was nothing Alex could tell her, no reassurances he could make. Karl would keep them all in the dark, for their sakes. It was maddening, what the man did to protect those he loved.
“Am I to believe that your three days’ leave were coincidence?”
Alex threw back his head and laughed. “The paperwork came in two weeks ago. I requested leave to come to Rilla immediately, but your husband asked me to delay. He’s the only man I’d do that for.” He winked at her. “And that’s a secret you and I will take to our graves. Rilla might kill me if she knew.”
That he could joke about this was beyond absurd, but Allina found herself chuckling.
“It’s going to hurt her the most if I don’t return,” she said, as laughter turned to tears. As all the secrets she’d kept had hurt her friend. Rilla had always been aware of more than she let on. And she’d always forgiven Allina for her lies of omission.
“My future wife is stronger than she seems.” He took Allina’s hand and squeezed it. “She loves you, but I think you know that. Don’t think she’d accuse you so quickly, or forget your kindness. Neither will I.”
The tears came in full force, and she let them roll down her cheeks. “You’ll take care of her?”
“Always.”
The rest of the drive was in a more comfortable silence. Once they arrived at the Karlsruhe Station, Alex handled her luggage and the tickets, leaving her to attend her daughter, who was still sleepy and, thankfully, docile.
His efficiency turned out to be necessary. As fog rolled into the station, a last-minute track change sent everyone scrambling. At last, Allina found herself in front of the right train with a scant five minutes to spare and the conductor urging everyone aboard.
“I must leave you now,” Alex said, “after I fulfill one final instruction from your husband.”
Before she could ask, Alex cupped her face and gave her a solemn kiss on the forehead.
When Alex pulled away, his cheeks were bright red. “He told me to do my best. I’m afraid it’s all I can manage.”
Allina choked out a teary laugh.
He got down on his knees to speak to her daughter. “Your papa told me to give you a kiss, as he couldn’t be here to give you one himself,” he said. When the little one nodded solemnly, he planted a soft one on her cheek.
“Please board!” the conductor yelled.
There was no more time for tears. Alex handed the conductor her suitcase and helped them up the stairs.
“Have faith!” Alex shouted as the train chugged away slowly. “God willing, you’ll see him sooner rather than later.”
Allina held her daughter close as they waved at Alex and watched him disappear into the fog.