Allina yanked open her aunt and uncle’s wardrobe, searching for Uncle’s burial suit. Picking through the crammed row of clothing, she ran fingers over the cotton dress shirts and smart twill slacks, the coarser wool trousers and mended chambray work shirts, and his battered gray overcoat. Allina pressed her face to his worsted sweaters, all redolent with the sharp bite of tobacco leaves and mint.
It wasn’t here.
Allina’s body ached with bone-deep tiredness. She sank down onto the bed, closed her eyes, and willed her mind blank, focusing on the beat of her heart.
The sound of Aunt Claudia’s footsteps stomping up the stairs roused her. “I’m sorry,” Allina said, rushing to the doorway. “I couldn’t find his clothes. Then I sat down for a moment and lost myself.”
Aunt Claudia’s face was chalky against her black mourning dress, but her gray eyes were soft, concerned. “We have hours,” she said, cradling Allina’s hot cheeks between cool, rough palms. “Most of the neighbors won’t arrive until noon.”
Auntie reached into the back of the cupboard and found his suit. She pressed the jacket to her face before handing it to Allina. “Here it is, darling,” she said, eyes bright with tears. She hurried to the bathroom and returned with a stiff bristle brush and a bowl of water. “Just clean and press the suit,” she added. “He always looked so handsome in it. And the work will settle you.”
Settle me? Everything had changed yesterday. Everything. Allina couldn’t get past this anger, or her bitterness. Grief and guilt choked her.
She hung the wool jacket on a peg on the wardrobe and brushed it with sharp, angry strokes. Sure enough, the brush slipped from her hands and clattered to the floor. “I didn’t get to say good-bye,” Allina whispered, wrapping her arms around her middle. “He told me he loved me, but I didn’t say it back.”
Auntie hugged her close. “Hush,” she murmured into Allina’s hair. “Your uncle knew how much you loved him.”
Allina wiggled out of her aunt’s grip. She didn’t want to be held. It only made things worse. Her aunt was brokenhearted, but it took everything in her to keep from running out of the room. “I’m still angry. My life is a lie.”
Auntie gripped Allina’s shoulders. “Our love for you is not a lie. We did what was necessary, to protect you. You were a stubborn, hotheaded child, always reacting without thinking about consequences.”
Allina shook her head, even as the truth hit home.
“Listen to me,” Auntie said. “Your uncle’s last thoughts were of you. Dieter made me swear to keep you safe.”
Allina plopped down onto the mattress. The anger seeped slowly out of her body, allowing the emptiness of exhaustion to take its place. “But he never woke up,” she said.
Auntie’s face crumpled. “No … no, he didn’t,” she said. Auntie took a handkerchief out of her pocket and blew into it. “Have your anger if you need it, but remember how much he loved you.”
Scrubbing the last tears from her cheeks, Allina got up to retrieve the brush. She dipped it into the bowl of water and swept the brush down the garment, removing stray flecks of lint with every swipe.
Auntie turned back to the wardrobe. Fishing inside, she pulled out a white collared shirt and examined it for wrinkles. “What will you do about Albert?” she asked softly.
Mention of him only engendered despair. “I knew something was wrong from his letters,” Allina said. “They were strange. Distant. I thought there might be another girl. In Berlin.”
“Oh, darling, no. No.” Auntie let out a tired gust of air. “It was difficult for him to keep the truth from you. He and Dieter argued about it for two long years. Albert wanted to tell you everything.”
But he didn’t.
“Will you marry him? You need his protection, now more than ever,” she said. “He loves you.”
Allina looked away.
“Give yourself time to sort your feelings out.” Auntie’s fingers were gentle as they brushed Allina’s hair back from her face. “When he comes home for Christmas, speak to him. Share what’s in your heart.”
Loud pounding at the front door interrupted her aunt’s advice.
“That will be Karin and Fritz,” Auntie said. “I’ll get the door. Dieter’s pants and shirt need ironing. I’ll send Karin up to help you with his shoes.”
Allina went back to work, soaking a cotton rag with water and placing it over the fabric of his pants. She was eager to see her friends—even Fritz, who’d brought dinner over last night and sat with them in silence. Today there would be shared grief, and no arguments.
She listened for the welcome sounds of their voices, pressing the iron to the cloth until wisps of steam curled in the air, erasing the wrinkles and leaving neat creases in their wake. For a few moments Allina relaxed into the mindless task of making her uncle’s suit look its best.
When Aunt Claudia returned, her face was as white as the walls. “We have a problem,” she said, holding up a small piece of paper. “A stranger delivered this note for your uncle. When I told him Dieter was dead, the man ran off.”
Allina plucked the paper from her aunt’s hand and scanned the short message.
Expulsion plans to be accelerated. Concerned about security. Have you heard from Mannheim?
“Mannheim,” Allina murmured. She turned the paper over, but the other side was blank. “They ask if he’s been in contact with Albert.” Her cheeks began to burn. She’d been so angry she hadn’t worried about his safety.
Auntie turned away, hands steepled over her nose and mouth, and began to pace. “Your uncle never shared the details of his activities with me. He told me to rely on Albert.” Her voice grew shriller. “What plans? What security?”
The panic in her aunt’s voice made Allina’s stomach turn over. “We must burn this note,” Allina whispered, handing back the piece of paper.
Auntie took a shaky breath. “Yes. I’ll go downstairs and do that right now.”
“Are there other papers to worry about?” The sour tang of fear hit the back of Allina’s throat. “Should we go through his desk?”
Aunt Claudia’s nod was immediate. “I’ll take care of it.” She hugged Allina close. “Finish pressing his suit, then try to rest until Karin and Fritz arrive. It’s going to be a long day.”
Auntie squared her shoulders and walked to the door. When she turned back, Allina glimpsed once again the steady, confident woman who’d raised her.
“We’ll cope with whatever comes, and we’ll handle it together, child. Today, and in all the days to come.”