Xavier sat next to me and watched me with patient eyes. I don’t know how he kept his cool around me. I was a loose cannon, I was, even before I had so little control on my Dragon, and yet he didn’t look at me like that. He didn’t look at me like I was moments from falling apart and losing everything I was. He looked at me with a confidence I didn’t think I could feel.
“I can’t control him anymore. It’s like there is a never ending pressure in my head. He will take over one day. I know he will. And I fear…” I looked at Xavier. “I fear everything he will do.”
I had managed to ignore the memories that I still had from when my Dragon took over. I managed to tell myself that they were just horrible nightmares. But I knew I had been painted in the blood of an entire Clan. I had killed everyone because I couldn’t control the other half of me. I had killed many men brutally when they took Audrey away from me. I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I had lied to myself for many years about my nature. Sitting with Xavier, I felt that if anyone could accept me even though I couldn’t accept myself, it would be him.
“Do you remember the Parson Clan?” My voice rumbled out. It was thick with emotion but I didn’t dare try to analyze them. I was afraid I would find a sort of pleasure in finally telling my sins. Find pleasure in what he had done because I had been too weak to hold him back. Or simply maybe it was because I wanted him to do it, and I allowed him to.
“I remember the Clan. They were one of the emerging leading families. They were…” Xavier quieted. I could feel his eyes on my back. I knew that I was bleeding from still-healing wounds. The bandages had ripped off when I had changed forms. “Drake, perhaps we should continue this after we bandage you up again.”
I leaned back. The wind caressed my skin. I realized that I was at peace. My mind was empty of any whispering. I was free from him. Xavier moved closer and the sensation of serenity grew. My eyes went half-mast; I felt as if I could live in this moment, this freedom, forever.
“Has it always felt like this?” I whispered, not to Xavier exactly. It was more directed toward the Gods above us, and to my Dragon inside. He knew what Xavier was to me the moment he laid eyes on him. I hadn’t accepted it. I still had a hard time accepting my Dragon.
“For me, yes.” Xavier answered sounding quiet. I looked at his violet eyes, darkened with desire. I hadn’t forgotten about our night together. Just thinking about it made my body go tight with tension. Xavier seemed to notice as his eyes fixated on my ever growing problem. “I have loved others, Drake, and bedded many, but you made me feel absolutely complete.” Xavier’s eyes switched back to my eyes.
I didn’t know how to respond. If I thought about the times I was with Coy, they were pleasant. I had loved her, but nothing quite compared to how I had felt with Xavier. It was raw passion that drove us together that night. And yet I felt as if I had left with more of myself belonging to him then I had ever with Coy.
Forgetting Xavier would never be an option. He had claimed more of me than anyone else had. I looked at him. I looked where his heart lay under flesh and blood. A piece of my heart sat there, pounding in sync with mine. He owned me in more ways than I am sure he could ever imagine. The man I loved, but I wasn’t sure the beast could ever forgive. He had never in the past. In his eyes Xavier left us, more than once.
I didn’t answer him, but instead I closed my eyes and savored the quiet just a little longer. I knew it wouldn’t last. He would never relent.
“If I asked you to help me to forget, just for this afternoon, what would you do?” I asked, my voice tight with the pain that racked through my body. My healing body wasn’t what was causing the pain. That I could handle. I have had worse. No, it was the memories I couldn’t take. The memories of her screaming, of her crying, of all those women and children I had killed for the actions of a few.
“I would tell you that I would do absolutely anything for you.” Xavier had moved so he was in front of me. He held out his hand. I looked up at his tailored appearance. How the Gods ever saw Xavier and me together, to find peace within each other, shocked me. I looked up at him; our souls might find peace together, but our love was our own. I had loved before him, and if he was truthful, I knew he had loved long before me.
I took his hand and as he helped me up, my eyes following the lines of his body. Crisp, iron creased pants were tight against his powerful thighs. His tail flicked. I moved to the bulge in his pants, and I licked my own lips, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. I glanced over his broad chest; while my body was thick, he had slightly leaner muscles that looked like wrapped steel. He was power encased in dark gray skin.
I met his eyes. Dark violet, heavy with desire and want. I couldn’t say that my eyes didn’t reflect the same look.
“Could you save me?” I finally gathered the courage to look at him.
“I can sure as hell try.” Xavier wouldn’t promise me because he wasn’t certain. If there was one thing I could count on him for, it was that he would never bullshit me. He would tell me straight up.
I moved forward, gripping the back of his neck and pulling him close. We were inches from each other, then centimeters. I hovered close to his face, and breathed in with him.
“Make me forget. Just for tonight.” I kissed him hard and when he attacked me back with the same amount of force, I knew he would do all that he could. He’d give me tonight. Tomorrow though, tomorrow we would talk. The world wouldn’t be any better, but at least I would have found a semblance of peace.
We made it back to Xavier’s room, his belt lost along the way, and I had already gripped him hard. I was working him when the door slammed behind us. I turned him so that I could press him up against the door and kiss him roughly again.
When I brushed him from base to tip he jerked. He opened his mouth in a gasp and I stroked his tongue with mine. Gods, he made me feel so complete. His hands moved over my already naked body, and where his skin touched, fire followed. He was burning me from the outside in. I wanted so much more. I retreated from his mouth and moved to work his jacket off. With that successfully thrown behind us, I didn’t even try to be patient—I ripped his shirt open. My mouth followed the line of the shirt that I was revealing.
“Drake…” Hearing him whisper my name was an ecstasy I hadn’t felt in forever. It slipped over my skin like a cool summer breeze.
“Please let me have this night.” I heard the hesitation in his voice. I wondered what was holding him back but I didn’t think I could ever be able to stop.