Julian gently kicked the sand as he wandered along Manly Beach. Only seven years earlier he and his friends had celebrated in this very place the beginning of the new chapter in their lives. Seven years! It seemed a century ago. How free and uninhibited of worries had the four of them been that day. How they all had looked forward with great expectations to the life ahead of them! All the hopes – and sometimes dreams – had they all faded?
He dropped to the sand. With his legs cradled he gazed ahead. Immediately he was aware of the beauty of nature. The azure sea, bubbling, shimmering in the sun’s reflection. The lacy clouds, slowly dancing to the tune of the gentle breeze. The cliffs in the distant, stark, nature’s guardian of the bay.
Yes, Lord, You have made a beautiful world, he whispered.
So what’s wrong with me? This time he addressed himself. He knew that he had achieved more than excellent results in Rome. He knew he had enjoyed the experience. He knew now life as an assistant priest in a parish was challenging in some respects, but rewarding in others. He queried some of the Church’s tradition, but accepted doctrine readily. So, why this inner battle! And what was he battling? An unknown assailant or an unknown reason for battle? Either way, the odds favoured a battle lost.
I’m getting nowhere, he thought to himself. Just going over and over the past, looking for an answer. And there seems to be no answer.
The news helicopter, flying low over the beach, brought him back to the present. The sea called and soon he was in battle, no longer with his thoughts but with the heavy pounding waves. It was a short but invigorating and enjoyable experience. But, tempus fugit, he soon told himself. He was never late for an appointment and today would be no exception.
A quick towelling and he was in his car heading for his office.
As he drove he thought of his friends and the latest he had heard from each. Part of Eddie’s pastoral work seemed to be tuned into Aboriginal spirituality; Simon was experiencing life as a hospital chaplain; much of Joe’s time was given to youth ministry.
They all seemed busy, yet happy in their chosen vocations and where their ministries had taken them. As far as he could see, each had found fulfilment in his chosen life; each faced hurdles and problems but each was happy in himself and his life. He smiled as he envisaged each right then – perhaps in a happy situation, perhaps in a questioning situation. But, either way, each was content in himself that this was the appropriate life for him.
So, what is my stumbling block!
By the time he had reached his office, he had made a decision.
No more looking back, he told himself. Then in prayer – I’m lost! Show me the way.