Simon stumbled into the house. He had to talk to someone who would understand. The heaviness that pressed on his whole body eased a little as he thought of his friends. They would have the answer.
Firstly, he dialled Julian’s presbytery – no one home, leave a message. No! Too late for a message! Then he dialled Joe’s presbytery. An answer this time – the old retired Monsignor would take a message but both priests at a meeting. Once again, no thanks! The last hope – Eddie. The phone rang out – no one home.
Eris will be home soon, Simon tried to reassure himself. But, would Eris understand?
Would he have any idea what to do?
The heaviness, like a suit of armour, enveloped Simon. Sweat poured from his body. The severe headache had given way to noisy throbbing. What to do? How to save such pain to his mother and father? That bastard was going to tell them – that their only son is a poofter – so he said. And he would do it! My head, my head, he almost screamed as the throbbing became louder.
The pain killers! With a certain amount of relief he remembered the bottle of tryptanol tablets, prescribed for him three months before when he sprained his ankle and which he had never opened. They were still there in the bathroom cabinet. Quickly he swallowed two and washed them down.
“Oh, God, please come to my help and save my good parents from pain,” his mantra as he paced, waiting for relief.
Half an hour later, with no physical relief and with worry for his parents almost unbearable, he shook another two tablets from the bottle and quickly swallowed them.
Was this scenario repeated and, if so, how often – he had no idea.
His mantra continued, but so did his agony. His parents…his parents…
Suddenly his body began to tremble violently. He clutched his chest as the severe pain burnt within. He became vaguely conscious of what was happening.
“Oh God, no – I didn’t mean to do this – just to ease the pain. Oh God, forgive me.
“Into Your hands …”
He struggled, almost crawled into the Chapel.
“Into Your hands…
He slumped, unconscious. The clock struck nine.