Once seated at a table in the corner of the garden with drinks recently served but still untouched, the three friends stared at nothing in particular. Silence was broken only by talk and laughter wafting out from the bar.
Eventually Eddie whispered, “It’s not the same.”
“It never will be,” added Joe.
“So we have a decision to make!”
Eddie and Joe looked to Julian who continued, “Yes, it’s not the same and it never will be ever again. So we have a decision to make. Do we shake hands, thank each other for friendship and helps of the past and walk away? Or, do we build on our friendship and use it as a foundation for wherever our individual futures take us? Personally, I value our friendship. And I would hope we continue to trust and help and grow through it.”
“Definitely!” agreed Joe and Eddie.
“It’s just so different without Simon.”
“As though part of something is missing.”
“Of course,” continued Julian. “It is different and always will be different. But life has to go on. We still have our separate lives to live, work to do. The three of us will have to work through our grief – perhaps in different ways. For now, let’s pray for him and even have a quiet word with him. Later we will consider ways towards justice, but right now….” His voice faded as his eyes filled with tears.
“You’re right,” whispered Eddie.
“Yeah,” added Joe, choking back tears.
The waiter had replenished their drinks when Julian looked to Joe and asked quietly, “Joe, do you still want to tell us something?”
Joe looked down, as though studying the table for words. Then, quickly jerking up his head and looking at both his friends he began, “Yeah. It’s rather hard right now. For the sake of our friendship, I want to be upfront with you both. In essence… I have broken my vows.”
Hesitantly, Joe shared with his friends the path of his relationship with Naomi.
“It’s real, isn’t it?” Eddie commented softly. “You really do love this girl.”
“Yes,” Joe answered quietly. “We parted after our night together – nearly a year ago now. The only contact we have had since then was a brief meeting when she came over to be with her family for Christmas. We do not have any hope of a future together – we both know that. And, yes, I still love her deeply.”
“Joe, I presume you have talked over the possibility of having your vows annulled, leaving the priesthood and marrying Naomi. Church rules could not deny you that.” It was a comment, rather than a question from Julian.
“Thanks, Julian,” responded Joe. “Yes, we know. When we first parted I thought I’d go crazy. I needed her so desperately. I knew, had she phoned and told me she was missing me as much as I was missing her, I would have caught the first plane to Melbourne. But she didn’t contact me, and I just went through hell on my own. The primitive need for her eased after some months. But, if anything, my love for her has grown. Through the year I have come to realize that my call to the priesthood is real – I will remain – and give it my best. As to the future… God only knows.”
“Are you really okay, old mate?” Eddie asked.
“Sure Eddie. Thanks guys for listening. I don’t feel so isolated now that I’ve told you.”
“Thanks for trusting us, Joe,” added Julian. “Never forget Eddie and I are always ‘around’ for you. And Simon will be keeping an eye on all of us.”
“That’s for sure,” added Eddie.
Eddie turned to Julian. “Julian, we haven’t forgotten… if you…” He stopped, searching for words.
“Yes,” replied Julian. “Sorry to throw this to you too – at this time.” He paused for some time, then continued, “It’s important to me that you guys should know first – I’m leaving the priesthood.”
Eddie and Joe appeared stunned and lost for words.
Julian continued, “This is not a split decision. I have had doubts regarding my call to priesthood for some years – possibly even back to my ordination. Naturally I have prayed about it and done some reading on post-Vatican theologies. I talked this over with Mum and Dad when I was home last month. They are right behind any decision I make. I have any needed support and help there. I am meeting with my bishop in a couple of weeks’ time. But I wanted to tell you first. As I said, this is not a split decision. I am not leaving the Church, just changing gears within it. I’m pretty sure now that God wants me somewhere else.”
“Wow!” gasped Joe.
“Joe, I do feel for you,” Julian continued. “Your call to the priesthood is so real but it is denying you the companion in life you so dearly love. While for me, my call I have yet to discover, but it is not to the priesthood for the rest of my life. Although this would open the door for me to a partner in life, there is no one there for me – not now any way. How mixed up life can be!”
Joe nodded in silence.
Eddie looked toward Julian. “Julian, you know you will always have our support. I’m surprised, but not shocked. You are a true thinker – you will think and understand as far as is humanly possible. I wish you every joy and blessing in wherever your new life takes you.”
Joe added, “And the same from me!”
Julian looked toward Eddie. “Well, Eddie, any bombshells from you?”
Eddie laughed. “No mate. Boring old me goes on as is!”
Bar sounds had long since faded to silence when the three friends rose.
In their scrum prayer stance – as Simon had described it many years ago – they prayed in silence and in whispered tones in thanksgiving for the past and for guidance for the future.
And Simon was not forgotten.
With firm handshakes they parted in silence, knowing the past was gone and the unknown future twisted before them.