With every mile that brings us closer to downtown Miami, my heart hurts. The ride has been quiet, each of us in our own thoughts. We came home from the party last night and I thought everything was great. Roman pushed me up against the wall and buried his face between my legs, making me come twice before making slow love to me on the floor in front of the fireplace. We’ve made love a lot of ways, but none have been as sweet and slow as last night’s had been.
I came so close to telling him I loved him. What would his reaction have been? The unknown of how he would react when he found out all my secrets was the only thing that held me back.
I was on the verge of my confession when we got the call. Someone had killed Big Joe. His body was thrown out in front of Roman’s expensive club. His men called him the moment the body was discovered. I’m still in shock. I loved Big Joe. He was a mountain of a man with a soft side that he showed the women he protected. Roman held me while I cried, but since the call, I’ve seen the change in him. He’s a man bent on revenge now. Completely business and cold in his demeanor. I understand it, even though I wish he could come back to me and be the man who made me feel alive last night.
“Did Joe have family?” I wonder aloud, not really asking Roman. I suppose I’m not even fully aware that I asked the question out loud. I just keep thinking what a shame it is that this world is robbed of such a good person.
“No one.”
“That’s sad. No one behind to mourn your passing,” I whisper. Roman doesn’t respond. I didn’t really expect him to. “Where are we going?”
“I’m going to drop you off at the apartment and then I have to go to the morgue to identify the body.”
“I could go with you, Roman,” I tell him, not wanting him to be without me—in the city, especially, as I’m more aware that Paul could try to set Roman up at any moment.
“No, Ana. I don’t want you around any of this. I’ll get it handled and check on your brother and then meet you back at the apartment.”
“Maybe I should see my brother?” I suggest, not completely sure I want to at this point.
“He’s getting better, Ana, but I don’t want him around you. Not yet.”
“Roman, you can’t protect me from the world,” I complain as we pull into the parking garage of Roman’s apartment complex.
“I can try,” he says with a ghost of a smile.
His face looks so tired. My hand reaches up to brush away the wrinkles that are gathered around his eyes. “I love you, Roman.” My heart pounds in my chest. I didn’t mean to say the words. They slipped out and now they’re just hanging between us. I can’t call them back and I can’t make them unheard.
“Ana,” he says, and I can read the regret there. You don’t have to be a detective or a beat cop to see the writing on the wall.
“Shh… I didn’t tell you because I expected anything back. I just wanted you to know.” I’m half lying. I didn’t tell him on purpose, but still it would have been nice to hear something back. Instead, I get a Roman who looks uncomfortable, a Roman who is rubbing the tension out of the back of his neck—tension my big mouth probably put there. The car comes to a stop and I turn the handle quickly, intent on getting out. Roman’s hand on my arm stops me.
“We’ll talk tonight, pet. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Okay.” I plaster a fake smile on my face. He holds my neck again and brings my lips to him. He gives me a sweet kiss, brief, but his tongue slides into my mouth, slow and seductive. “Be safe,” I tell him before sliding out. One of his security guys is already waiting for me at the door. I need to get my head out of my ass and start figuring out what on earth I’m doing here. The only thing that is clear is that I’ve gone too far with Roman to ever find my way back to being the Ana I was before I went undercover, which means I need to try and protect Roman and get out from under Paul completely. I need to concentrate on that plan right now. Honestly, if I concentrated on the fact that I just told Roman I loved him and he didn’t even bother to hide the look of surprise and regret in his face, I’d fall to my knees and cry. I can’t do that. This seems like the safest option.
I walk into the apartment as if I’m on autopilot, and maybe I am, because I can’t even remember the ride up in the elevator. I go straight to the bedroom and pull out my cellphone.
The asshole barely answers before I interrupt him. “Paul. We need to talk. I’ve decided to do what you want.”
“What if I said I don’t need you now?” he asks, and the implications of that scare the hell out of me.
“What if I told you I could deliver more than just what you asked? We need to meet.” I’m bluffing my ass off here, but I don’t have a fucking choice.
“Coffee shop on the corner. There’s a small room off from the bathrooms. It will be unlocked. You have fifteen minutes and you better not be wasting my time, Ana.”
“I’ll be there.” I tell him, closing my eyes and reminding myself that I don’t have a choice.