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TWO DAYS LATER, TRAVIS was out in the shed applying stain to the top of the table he had made his first priority to finish. He was alone with his thoughts and wanting to finish the project. He had been able to squirrel enough time away to finish the table and wanted to move on to the chairs next. As he stretched, his gaze took in the two plastic sleds across the shed leaning up against the wall. He looked toward the door, thinking Sarah and Sam would love sledding. After lunch he would find time to take them all out, including their mom.
Emily had worked diligently and filled the cabin with smells of fresh baking. Countertops were covered with bread for French toast and so many cookies he was certain he would need to hit a gym when he got back home. She had nervous energy to spare and was always cleaning, playing with the twins or cooking when he was in the cabin. She seemed like a wind-up toy that never stopped. He was finding that any reservations he had in the beginning about sharing the cabin with the three of them had faded that first full day. Some of it had been the story from his sister, and some of it was Emily, Sarah and Sam themselves. They had a way about them that reached inside a person and grabbed hold. He tried to keep his distance, but the twins were relentless, and finally he just gave in and allowed himself to enjoy the time with them.
Standing back, he looked from one side to another. The stain looked even, and he needed to give it time to cure. Grabbing the sleds, he took them with him as he headed back to the cabin. Propping them against the side of the cabin, he walked inside. He didn’t even have a minute to hesitate as he spotted Emily on a chair, stretching up on tip toes to reach something well over her head. He rushed forward.
“What are you doing?” he asked more brusquely than he had intended, the adrenaline pumping through his veins causing him to move quickly.
She turned in shock, unaware that he had come in.
“Trying to—” she stopped, frantically waving her arms in a fruitless battle with gravity.
Suddenly he was in possession of all one hundred pounds of her, plopped unceremoniously into his arms. He heard Sarah cry out in alarm.
“Your mom is okay,” he said gently down to the little girl. Turning back toward the warm body in his arms, he froze. She was too close, her eyes big as saucers staring up at him. When he saw her chest moving up in down in rapid staccato matching his own, he had a sudden urge to drop her ... or kiss her. Looking away from those bright blue eyes, he gently lowered her to the ground, reached up and grabbed the bowl she had been trying to get, and after shoving it into her hands, strode back toward the door. Peeling his jacket off along the way to hang on a hook and then sitting down, he made short work of his boots. It gave him time to get his breathing under control and his hands steady again.
“See what I made,” Sam indicated a large mountain of Legos about an inch taller than his small body stretched up on tip toes.
“Wow, did you find my secret Lego stash?” Travis chuckled, moving over to the little boy, who didn’t even try to get away from the tickling that ensued. The Legos had been at the cabin since he and Jenna were kids. Seeing them all strewn about again brought back a lot of memories.
“We founded them in the room with the baby dolls, but Sam didn’t want to play tea party with me,” Sarah pouted.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he turned his attention to her, “Sometimes kids like playing different things, but I think I found a fun thing we can all enjoy.”
“What?” she asked with big eyes.
He grinned at her as Sam came to put a hand on his shoulder and get in on the secret.
“You need to eat all your lunch, and then I will tell,” he whispered conspiratorially. “So clean this up, and then we will eat.”
“Okay,” they both said sweetly and hurried over to start cleaning up as best they could.
Feeling better, he turned in Emily’s direction. She had her back to him, and he remembered when Ellen used to turn her back, he would walk up behind her and snuggle in the crook of her neck. He tried to remember her smell, but all he could think of was the smell of sugar cookies and how Emily had felt flush up against his chest. The flash of anger he felt was ridiculous. Ellen had been gone four years, so it wasn’t cheating. Just because he wasn’t looking for a woman didn’t mean that when he was cooped up with a healthy one, his body wouldn’t still react. She would be gone soon, and he could go back to his solitary existence. Walking forward, he ignored the slight twinge that last thought invoked.
“Can I help?” he asked in a low tone. He had already learned the hard way that startling her didn’t work out in anyone’s favor.
“Just about ready,” she turned and handed him a bowl. “Hope you are good with macaroni and cheese with turkey hot dogs,” she shrugged, “that’s what I get for letting them,” she inclined her head,” pick lunch.”
“I love mac and cheese with hot dogs, though I haven’t had it since I was a kid. I’m sorry about startling you before. I just got scared when I saw you up there.”
“It’s all good,” she thrust a hot bowl at him. “Why don’t you put this on the table, and I will fill the cups.”
Definitely not a woman of many words, he thought. And my sister says I have avoidance issues, he chuckled, heading for the table. He should be worried how his growing entanglement with this group was starting to chip away at the wall of indifference he had spent years constructing. He was finding humor in the little things, and a bit of fun watching how antsy he made Emily. He hadn’t realized how devoid of laughter his world had become until the cabin was once again filled with peals of happiness. Once again trying to shake the odd emotions, he focused on the task of getting lunch on the table.
***
“YOU EXPECT ME TO GET on that and go down this huge hill?” Emily asked in horror. She looked at the sleds sitting side by side and back to the steep snow-covered hill in front of them.
“You have never been on a sled?”
She just shook her head. She couldn’t remember it even having been a possibility. She did remember kids talking about sledding in school, but her mother and father never paid her enough attention to have thought to purchase a sled. And to be honest, they didn’t have enough money after the booze and cigarettes for her needs. So many times she could remember a kind teacher or caseworker having supplied her necessities such as a new bar of soap, toothpaste or even warm socks when her needs had become evident. She had grown up with a firm foothold on reality, never allowing herself to hope for more.
“Come on, momma,” Sarah said with a grin from her position directly in front of Travis on the orange sled furthest from her. Sam was immediately in front of Sarah, looking just as prepped, and not the least bit concerned about careening down the hill to their deaths. They didn’t seem to have the same hang ups about the outing as she did, she acknowledged. She looked back at Travis and knew he would do everything in his power to keep them safe, but even he couldn’t stop them at eighty miles an hour.
“I think you have a full load,” she said to Travis. “Please go SLOW,” she emphasized the words.
He shook his head, grinning. Flipping the extra sled over so it wouldn’t slide, he must have sensed defeat on talking her into the first run. He started spooning snow on both sides, moving the single sled forward. As they picked up speed, the giggles and laughter shattered the silence, and Emily found herself smiling wide watching them. The giggling increased in step with their pace until the ride came to an end and little bodies piled out into the snowbank at the bottom of the hill. They soon started the arduous task of trying to navigate back up the hill. Pulling the plastic sled, Travis shepherded them, and just a tick before she started down the hill to help the struggling little bodies, he scooped them both up and finished the trek for all three of them.
“Again!” Sam said, wiggling down when they were within a foot of where Emily stood.
“Again!” Sarah mimicked.
Travis cocked an eye at her in question.
She looked down the hill and then at the happy, ruddy cheeks of her kids—and decided to live a little.
“Okay, let’s see what all the fuss is about,” she agreed.
Travis positioned the sled, holding it in place with his large boot. Sarah and Sam scrambled inside without a care in the world. Turning to Emily, “You want me to send them down and I can show you how it’s done,” he inclined a nod toward the second overturned sled.
“No, I think I can do it. Next time I can take one of them,” she said quickly. The idea of being entwined in that little scooped center with Travis is even more dangerous than sliding top speed down the death hill, she thought.
He steadied the sled, “Just anchor your foot or hand in the snow until you feel comfortable. Then move all limbs inside, except the hands to help push off.”
“I think I got it. I will wait for you three to go,” she said, still not certain it was the smartest thing she had ever done.
“See you at the bottom,” he said, getting in behind Sarah and pushing off all in one smooth, coordinated motion.
Emily watched them, and when the peals of laughter provided her encouragement, climbed into the second sled. After a few adjustments, she was ready. Inhaling, she closed her eyes and pushed off, pushed a second and then third time, and finally felt the slippery slope and gravity take hold. Grabbing the handles on the side, she couldn’t withhold the scream that ripped from her insides as the icy wind stole her breath and she hurtled down the slope. It was like being free and scared to death simultaneously, and she was shocked how much fun it was.
She opened her eyes and saw the bottom of the hill approaching and couldn’t figure out how to slow down. Throwing a boot over the side, she found herself hurtled out of the sled, tumbling, and then lying spread eagle on the ground. She winced as the freshly healed wounds on her back screamed out at her. She tried to push up off the ground and a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. A gloved hand appeared in her line of vision, and Travis was assisting her up.
“Are you hurt?” he whispered to her.
“No. I ... I just tweaked an old injury ... it’s ... it’s no big deal.” She kept her head down so he couldn’t see the tears. “Really ... it was fun,” she said tremulously.
“Em ... you don’t have to be superwoman with me. I completely forgot about your back. You haven’t given any indication it was bothering you.”
She looked up at him and was shocked by how close his head was to her and the depth of empathy she could see in his expression. She could not remember anyone making her feel that they truly cared so much about her wellbeing before. A warm feeling spread through her before she could brace against it. Pulling away from him, she grabbed the rope of the sled and made her way up the hill ahead of him.
“Hey, why don’t you go make hot chocolate and cookies while we take one more run,” he said to her back.
She turned, “You okay with them?”
“Again!” Sam said running ahead of her.
“Again!” Sarah said, just as oblivious to the adult undertones going on around her. She wobbled on little legs trying to catch her brother.
“They aren’t a problem,” he said. “In fact, why don’t I keep them occupied for an hour,” he said looking down at his watch. “I bet you might like a soak in a warm tub.”
Not certain what to say, she managed to choke out, “Thank you,” walking as fast as possible to outpace him. She chanted, be strong, be strong repeatedly under her breath, attempting to keep her raw emotions below the surface until she was out of his presence.
“Listen to Travis,” she said over her shoulder to Sarah and Sam and then bit down quickly on her trembling bottom lip.
“Ok, momma,” Sarah said as Sam danced around her, waiting for the next ride.
She kept walking, looking forward to the warm bath ahead of her. She found herself taking one final backward glance that collided with Travis’s eyes for a moment before she turned quickly away. He was beginning to make her feel things she was not prepared for and could ill afford to feel for someone like him. Travis had his own hurts and certainly didn’t need to get involved with her; besides, he was so good looking she was certain she wasn’t the only woman to have noticed.
As she maneuvered the final few steps to the house, she had to admit in the quiet of her heart that knowing that organ wasn’t damaged beyond all repair gave her a glimmer of hope. Maybe she wasn’t like her mom, doomed to fall for one bad guy after another and live a horrible, miserable existence void of true love. Maybe someday she would find the time and courage to date again. Or maybe, having a glimpse of what happiness could be like, she would spend her life dreaming of what could have been, she told herself sharply. She needed to center her mind on taking care of the twins and keeping them safe and forget about her own foolish feelings.
After a warm bath and some heat on her sore back, she would refocus all of her attention on the next steps she needed to take to get them home and back in a routine.
