Kellee had gone into silent sentinel mode, which was the only clue I needed to know I was in a whole world of trouble.
We were back in Talen’s house, in one of the spare rooms, so I could clean up and catch my breath. Dagnu was dead, and though I should care, I didn’t. He was just another fae left dead in my wake, and he’d deserved it. No more saru would suffer under his whip.
I’d stripped off my upper leathers and vest, leaving just the chest wrap on, and examined the jagged tear at my waist. It oozed blood, but it could have been worse.
Kellee’s glare prickled the hair on the back of my neck. I’d told him I wouldn’t leave him. I’d told him we were together. I’d told him no more secrets. And I was a lying bitch. But I’d had good reason. “You would have stopped me.”
He simmered silently in the corner across the room.
Sota breezed in through the door and dumped a bowl of fresh green leaves on the bed. “I have no idea,” he said, “but Talen said these leaves will seal the wound. He also said don’t eat them.” He picked up a fat green leaf. “It resembles aloe—”
“Leave,” Kellee growled, the word barely decipherable.
Sota stiffened and threw a look back at Kellee. “You’re a dick.”
Kellee stalked forward and snarled, revealing blunt teeth, so we weren’t in full vakaru mode. Yet. “Get out, Sparky, before I ask why you didn’t stop her from risking her life when you’re supposed to be her last line of defense.”
“Hey, you don’t judge him, okay?” It was not okay to blame Sota. “I asked him to help, and because he’s a good friend, he agreed. He’s the only one I could trust not to lecture me or try to stop me.”
Touches of red swam in Kellee’s dark eyes. “Of course he went. He’d do anything for you, and you took advantage of that, just like you did with Aeon, and look where that got him.”
“What!”
“Wow.” Sota dropped the leaf, and folding his arms, he looked at Kellee with enough sass to rival the marshal’s barely contained fury.
“Out!” Kellee’s teeth snapped together.
Sota rolled his eyes over to me, adding a question in them at the end. As much as I appreciated him being here, he’d rile up Kellee and that was the last thing we needed. I nodded and Sota left, leaving the door ajar. He wouldn’t go far.
Kellee snatched a leaf, tore into it with his teeth, and came at me like he was going to smother me with that single leaf. I had the wall at my back and stood my ground. Running from a vakaru was a bad idea.
He scrunched the torn leaf in his hand, squeezing out the sap, and reached for my waist. I batted his hand away. He caught my wrist, held me back, and shoved his goo-covered hand into the wound.
Pain snapped up my spine. “Ah, dammit.” I kicked him hard in the shin. “Don’t fucking touch me.” He didn’t budge. How dare he pick on Sota and say those things about Aeon. He knew how much it hurt. “Asshole.”
“It’s better it’s done and over with fast.”
I watched his lips move, observed the blunt teeth behind them, and knew I was safe to pant out the pain. With his face angled downward and his attention on the wound, his hair fell over his eyes, hiding their color from me. He’d been close to the edge of his control since killing Oberon. If he did go vakaru, his eyes would be the first warning, then the claws, then the teeth. After that, I had better be ready to fight.
He looked up, dark eyes flecked with a hint of gold. “Afraid?”
My teeth chattered. “Cold.”
“And probably almost in shock after what I saw.”
His hand on my side shifted, and the pain started up again. I closed my eyes and stumbled back, needing the wall to hold me up. Kellee let my wrist go, allowing me to steady myself. “What did you see?”
“You, going full Nightshade, like Talen.”
He said it like it happened every day. Oh hey, you sprouted wings and darkness, but it’s just another day of the week in the life of the Messenger.
“Was it bad?” I brushed my hands over my arms to friction warmth into my skin. I was cold, and now that the adrenaline had worn off, my body was telling me all about it.
“Not bad. Just… different.” Kellee shifted the leaf again, positioning himself even closer. “Talen says there’s no knowing what the Nightshade’s power might do to a mortal body.”
I swallowed with a click. The Nightshade… me. “Did Talen know this would happen?”
Kellee pulled a slow breath in and sighed, likely to steady his own racing emotions. I wasn’t the only one trembling. “In the beginning? No. A mortal shouldn’t be able to adopt the Nightshade’s powers, so my guess is he wasn’t concerned. After you started changing, though, he suspected. Don’t go thinking he meant for this to happen. He’s only ever tried to protect you from the worst of him.”
When Eledan had severed his wings, I’d reached out to protect him, and taken his burden on board, shattering the bond.
Kellee withdrew his hand and went looking for a towel or cloth to clean the goo from his fingers. “How’s that feel?”
I poked at my side and found it numb, the wound sealed shut. “Feels good.” I wasn’t quite as cold now either.
He returned with my top balled in his grip and held it out at arm’s length. The way he kept his distance and his eyes downcast, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d damaged us.
I took my clothes from him, and before I could say another word, he headed for the door.
“Kellee, I had to go, and it had to be me alone, not Talen or Sirius… or you. You know why.”
“Sota?” he asked, not turning, but at least he’d stopped walking away.
“He’s tek. I… I wanted to unsettle them. If I’d taken you and the others, whatever happened, the fae would have pinned the victory on you. It had to be me, just me. Dagnu was my past. I had to be the one to deal with him.”
“It’s not that.” His right hand locked into a fist. “One day, you’ll leave, like you did earlier, and you won’t return, and I can’t live through that again. I won’t. So I think it would be better for the both of us,” he sighed, “if we don’t take this thing between us any further.”
“What?”
“You and I end now.”
Staring at his back, I mumbled, “I don’t understand.” What was he saying? That we were over?
He turned, and the regret on his face cut a fresh wound. “You’re a hard person to love, Kesh. It’s killing me.”
I blinked, stunned. He let those words settle and seemed as though he might say more, but instead, he turned his back on me and made it to the door.
“Marshal Kellee, stop right there.”
He braced an arm against the doorjamb, his body slouched like someone already defeated.
“You’re giving up on us because you’re afraid I might die, is that it?”
His shoulder muscles locked.
I wouldn’t let him throw us away because of what-ifs. “I don’t accept that, and neither do you. Did you turn into a coward while I was gone? Because, sure, I bet loving a mortal sucks in the worst way. We die, it’s what we do. You’re going to make us suffer because you can’t stand the thought of outliving me? I’ve never heard such karushit in my life and certainly never expected to hear it from you. How dare you walk away from me, from us, out of selfish fear. You’re better than that, and we both know it.”
He bumped his fist against the wall. “By cyn, you drive me crazy.”
“No, you do that to yourself.”
He pulled the door shut in front of him and turned. His eyes glowed their multicolored rings, tripping my heart. “You think I’m afraid of us?”
“Why else would you walk away?”
He started back toward me, but the intent in his stride had me looking for an escape. I could make it to the window if I ran. The whip was on the bed, halfway between us. Window or whip? Flee or attack?
He smiled. The tips of his fangs gleamed.
“You’re a nightmare to love, Kesh. Half the time, I don’t know if I want to protect you, fuck you, or fight you. In one breath, I admire you, in the next, I wonder if I even know you. You play kings and queens like they’re your puppets, and here, on Faerie, you’re something—someone else again. You asked me if I’m afraid of us?” He stopped at the end of the bed, holding himself back. “I’m fucking terrified of us. And now you’re the Nightshade? What am I supposed to do with that?”
What was he supposed to do with it? What was I supposed to do with that! I laughed, not caring that it sounded cruel. “Do you think I’ve ever had a choice?”
His brow tightened, gaze thinning. “Do you believe you haven’t?” His fingers twitched, drawing my eye to the claws stretching free. “Eledan had it right—”
My mouth twisted. “You listened to him?”
“While you slept, he asked me if any of us really knew you. He asked if you’d manufactured everything from the beginning. Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t plan everything.”
Had he lost his mind? Had Oberon’s blood messed with his perception? “Of course I didn’t. What do you think I am?”
“The polestar, the Nightshade, the Messenger, and a Faerie queen. That was all a happy accident, was it? C’mon…” His mouth slanted. “I’m done listening to your karushit, Kesh. Tell me the truth.”
I crossed the floor and looked my vakaru in the eye. Denials tingled on my lips, but on opening my mouth, the words wouldn’t come. The hurt in his eyes turned my thoughts over and revealed the truth. I had wanted the fae to bow to me. I’d wanted it since I’d clawed at the earth, locked inside my saru cage, since Dagnu’s whip had come down the first time to snuff out the fire in me. I had manipulated and lied my way through life and thrived. Now here I was, something and someone else to thousands of lives. A Messenger to the saru and Halow humans, the Nightshade to the unseelie, Mylana to the fae, and a queen to Eledan. He was right. The sluagh bastard. I had taken the opportunities where I’d found them. Kellee was looking at me like I was a stranger, but I hadn’t chosen those names. I’d chosen to create the nothing Calicto messenger girl, Kesh Lasota. I was still Kesh, but he couldn’t see the real me behind all the other mantels thrust upon me.
He smiled a sorry smile that looked wrong on a face, with eyes as dark as the night and teeth as sharp as knives. “It’s all right. I wanted the truth. Now I have it.”
I lifted my hand toward his face. He turned his head away.
“Only some pieces of it. You’re missing a vital part.” I caught his clawed hand and spread his fingers over my chest, over my heart. “Inside, I’m just Kesh. Please see me, Kellee, the real me, the girl I wanted to be, the girl you brought back from Eledan’s dreams, the girl you tried to save in the sinks. I’m not those other names to you. I never wanted to be. Those other parts of me, they’re missing my heart.” My voice wobbled around the knot in my throat. “You have my heart, and if you can’t see that… well, maybe you should walk away.” If he turned his back on me, it would break me. Without him, without Sota and Talen and Sirius, I’d be lost. Without them, I didn’t know who I was either. They kept me real.
He went still, something dangerous and sharp in his eyes. If he thought me to be everything he despised, this would be the moment to finish me, to take his claws and slice me open. He could walk away from Faerie, from the war, from the Hunt, and go back to being Marshal Kellee. Maybe if it ended here, I’d have done enough to change Faerie for good, to change my soul for good too.
I let my lashes flutter closed. It would be all right. I trusted him to make the right choice.
His hand clamped the back of my head, claws sinking into my hair. His mouth crashed over mine, capturing me in a kiss that claimed and owned, that stole all breath and reason right out of me. Relief stirred a madness awake, a need to pull him close and never let him go, to own him back and make him mine down to the bone. I broke the kiss with a gasp and threw my head back. His hot mouth fell to my neck, his tongue wet and teeth sharp. I had my fingers knotted in his hair, holding him in check. He was a moving, panting, heated creature in my arms, walking a thin line between monster and man, and I’d never wanted him more and in all the ways as I did then.
“You slay me, Kesh.” The words fluttered against my neck. A promise. A surrender.
“Don’t leave me.” I wasn’t sure if I’d spoken aloud, but it didn’t matter. Kellee scooped me against him. His hands cupped my ass and hauled me up. I locked my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, and kissed his mouth like I could crawl inside him.
My back hit a wall and a piece of furniture to my right toppled over. Something crashed to the floor. Kellee smiled against my mouth, and my laughter bubbled free.
I spied the bed over his shoulder, my whip coiled on the covers. “There’s a bed right there.”
“No bed.” He growled into my neck and dove his hot hand down my back, into my pants, clutching me tight against him. Then he was plastered over me, his entire body pinning me against the wall. I gripped his shirt and tore the fastenings open, giving me access to the warmth of his chest so I could soak him into my skin.
We were moving again. He dumped me on a table or dresser. I didn’t look. Didn’t care. The height put me at the right angle to feel the hard rod of his arousal push against my inner thigh. I tore at his belt, and when it snagged, thwarting my attempt to get him free, I straightened and ran my hand down, over his erection, eliciting a groan that coiled raw need low in my belly. Tightening my grip resulted in my vakaru looking at me with half-closed eyes, the need in them as hungry as the light in his unseelie darkness.
He grabbed at my wrist to hasten me along, but I plucked my hand free and lifted my eyebrows.
“Ah-ah. Did you really think I’d be that easy?” I nodded behind him.
His heated look lingered on me, then, reluctantly, he turned to see what I was gesturing at. My whip. His chuckle was as dark and delicious as rich chocolate. “You think I’m going to let the Nightshade truss me up and fuck me any way she wants?”
“No.”
That stalled him, and his grin turned into a question. He glanced again at the whip, thinking he’d missed something. I bolted. He grabbed for me, as I knew he would. I lunged for the whip, twisted, and sent the tails flying. One hundred and eighty pounds of vakaru tackled me in the chest, and with an oomph, he’d knocked me onto my back on the bed. He dug a knee between my thighs, but I’d been here before with him. I waited for him to lean left and bring his arm up. Once his weight was off center, I shoved his shoulder and hooked his leg at the same time, dropping him onto his side, only the bed ended too soon and we both fell off. Not part of the plan, but now I had him pinned under me, looking wild, with his clothes askew and pretty hair all mussed up.
I straightened, rocking my hips to keep him thinking with his dick, and admired the pretty marshal from the sinks who’d followed me home. He’d gained some rough whiskers, and there was the obvious fact he had inhuman teeth and eyes, but that cockiness was still there.
“Here’s the deal.” I fell forward, letting my hair hem us in so his eyes shone in the dark. “I’m going to play the Calicto messenger working below the law, and you’re going to play the marshal.”
His hand roamed my thigh. I smacked it off, prompting a very un-marshal-like growl.
“Oh really?” he drawled in that smooth voice he liked to unleash on unsuspecting females. His hand was on my thigh again, then on my hip. His fingers skipped down to the front of my pants and flicked at the fastenings as the tip of his tongue wet that smart mouth.
I caught his free hand and looped the whip around his wrist, expecting him to resist. He watched me work, his dark vakaru eyes curious.
“You, vakaru”—I flicked his nose—“are mine.”
His eyes flared, his right leg hooked over mine, and in the time it took me to breathe in, I was on my back. The animal growl that rumbled out of him and through me spritzed a tiny dose of fear into the lust. I still had his wrist caught in my whip, still had the whip firmly in my hand, but as Kellee’s kisses traveled below my breasts, avoiding the numbed cut, and down to the hollow of my navel, his fingers freeing my pants laces, I bit into my lip to keep from demanding more.
He flicked his eyes up, the beast so close I wasn’t sure how much of the man remained. He reared up, dragged my pants over my hips, and jerked me closer. I could have kicked him while he fought with my clothes and sent him sprawling, but I liked where this was going too much to stop it.
His strong hands parted my thighs, the whip rattling at his wrist, and he kissed my inner knee. His teeth lightly grazed. His chest heaved. He’d never willingly hurt me. He had control, even now. Checking my face, he couldn’t fail to miss the heat in my cheeks. He trailed his mouth down my inner thigh.
His mouth touched the innermost part of me, warm and soft. His tongue flicked, knotting my body with need. His hands claimed my thighs and pulled me down beneath him, until I was looking the beast in the eye. I pressed my hand to his cheek and thumbed the corner of his mouth, feeling it lift into a smile.
“Will you love me?” I whispered. “Not the names or the myths and legends, just me? Just Kesh?”
His dark lashes shuttered his eyes, and for a terrible second, I thought his fear had a hold of him again. Then he opened his eyes, and the man was there, his beautiful gaze soft once more. “Always.”
And he meant it. When I was dust and gone, he’d love me, because he was Marshal Kellee, and my heart would forever be safe with him.
He kissed me, rocking with me, and plunged two fingers inside, brushing the swollen, sensitive bundle of nerves with his thumb, making me writhe. When I arched with a gasp, he nuzzled my neck, whispering, “Who has whom at their mercy, Messenger?”
That was a good point. Wasn’t I meant to be holding the marshal’s reins? How far would he let the game go?
I reeled the whip in, shortening his leash. “I thought you didn’t do submissive?”
“I don’t.”
The challenge returned to his eyes, daring me to test him. I was game. Pulling him down, I kissed him like he was made of glass and might shatter in my hands. I explored his mouth and nipped at his lips. When he tried to push and take, I hooked my leg around his and locked him tight, anchoring him to me in two places. Shifting my hips tipped his weight sideways, and when he didn’t resist, I rolled us over, trapping him beneath me once more. The sharp teeth and his claws had vanished but vakaru colors still shone in his eyes. With his pillow of dark hair, braided in random places, and intense unblinking glare, he looked untamed, like something I could capture and keep forever.
Lowering my head, I tasted the rise of his right pec, felt him shudder, and twirled my tongue around a salty nipple. His free hand tried to investigate my shoulder and slide down my back, but I caught it and pinned it. Now I had both hands pinned above his head. “No touching unless I say so, lawman.”
A rumbling, the kind that might scare off petty criminals, sounded inside his chest. His eyes promised wicked delights and all the things he wanted to do with my body. But he was mine now. While I ran my tongue over his abs, I roamed my hand beneath his waistband and found the prize I’d been looking for. He tensed beneath me and slowly arched, giving himself to my hand.
I tightened my grip, making him jerk. “I said, no moving.”
“Kesh, you’re killing me here.”
“I’m just getting started.”
His growls rumbled louder. He really didn’t do submissive, and this game probably wouldn’t last long. There’s patience, and then there’s a vakaru’s patience.
Mouthing down his chest and probing with my tongue, I listened to his breathing tighten and quicken, working him over until he writhed, and panted, and gritted his teeth to hold himself back. By Faerie, he was delicious spread beneath me, poised to come in my hand.
His hand tore free of my grip and plunged into my hair. He yanked me up him and attacked my mouth, driving his tongue in, stealing my breath and my thoughts. His rough hands dropped to my hips, whip trailing behind, and I let him haul me off the floor and spread a hand against my back, pushing me down over the end of the bed. In the next breath, he spread me open and thrust so damn deep I couldn’t swallow the cry, then went beyond caring that someone might hear us. He had me locked beneath him, driven like a damn nail into the bed, and I wanted more of him, so much more. We’d dreamed of this. I didn’t know if he remembered, but I did. The reality was harder, faster, rougher, like I needed it to be. I fisted the sheets and demanded more. And Kellee gave it to me.
The whip and its grip on him forgotten, I lost myself in the sex. There was nothing else in the worlds, just us, skin to skin, body to body. He shuddered, caught me by the back of the neck, and fell forward. His teeth sinking into my shoulder only added to the riot of feeling, and when his free hand reached around to find the point that would bring me to a cresting ecstasy, all I knew was Kellee. With his teeth in my shoulder, his cock in my body, and his hand at my neck, erotic pleasure tore through me. His touch made me suddenly alive, wrenching another cry out of me. He began thrusting again and withdrew his teeth to rise above me. I looked back, caught the sight of the wild, bloody creature behind me, and pushed my ass against him, changing the angle. The wildness in his eyes blazed red, and Kellee threw his head back, cried out in some ancient and dead language known only to him, and spilled his seed.
I wasn’t afraid.
I’d almost lost him by locking him out. It wouldn’t happen again. He was as much a part of me as they all were. Sota. Talen. Sirius. And Kellee. The four pieces of my heart. I loved him, loved them all more than any dream of toppling the fae, of being seen, of ending the war or saving the saru. I’d give it all up for them, and that was the truth.
He trembled, his body going slack, and catching me watching him, he tossed me the most wicked of playful smiles and pulled us both down onto the bed. His fingers traced over the warm bite mark in my shoulder, healed from his clever vakaru kiss.
Closing my eyes, I melted against him, sensing his trembling had more emotion behind it than a post-sex comedown. “You’re mine now, Marshal, to the end of all the worlds and back again.”
He locked me in his arms. I expected some smart-mouthed comment to make light of the moment but none came. I twisted to find him watching me, his dark eyes too bright and glassy. For the first time since I’d met him, his expression was open and raw, letting me see everything on his face. Marshal Kellee was afraid. For me.
I lay wrapped in Kellee’s arms, trying to slow the seconds, but I didn’t have that power, and all too soon, Sota knocked at the door and informed us that the carriage was waiting. There wasn’t enough time in all the worlds for all the moments I wanted to live with Kellee. My mortality was as much part of me as my saru blood, but as I lay against his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat, feeling his soft breath flutter against my neck, I wished this could end another way. He’d loved before and lost that love, just like Talen had. If I could have saved them that heartache, I would have, but we all knew how this ended.
After dressing, and with Kellee wearing a new kind of smile, we left Talen’s knoll behind and passed through Safira to where the carriage and its horses waited. Sirius’s wild horses chomped on their vine-reins and stamped the ground. They looked ready to bolt, and I couldn’t blame them. The thought of journeying to the Autumnlands knoll, knowing the Hunt was likely nearby, was not a comforting one.
All manner of fae beasties lingered nearby, sometimes poking at Sirius’s marvelous carriage when they got close enough. It was impressive, as were the males climbing aboard.
By cyn, if anyone could end this war, it was them—us. Together.
I was the last one to the carriage, and before climbing in, I turned to regard the wild folk of Faerie. They weren’t unseelie, but they were Faerie’s first children. They weren’t as wary as they had been. They knew me and knew change was coming. I nodded, acknowledging their respect, and hauled myself into the carriage.
Kellee and Talen sat opposite each other, appearing as ragged and wild as the creatures we were leaving behind. I liked this new rawness. It felt authentic.
Sota took up his spot by the window and stared outside, lusting after all those extra tails.
I pulled the door closed. Kellee thumped on the roof, Sirius cracked the reins, and the horses whinnied, jolting against their tack to yank us into motion.
“Next stop, the Hunt’s backyard,” Sota mumbled.
He wasn’t wrong.
Wetness dripped onto my thigh. I looked down to see a splatter of dark liquid soaking into my trousers. Wetness cooled on my lip. After dabbing at it, my fingers came away glistening red. Blood. I could taste it and feel it lining the back of my throat.
Talen was the first to move in. “Pinch here.” His warm fingers touched the bridge of my nose. I copied him. “Tilt your head back,” he said, calm but concerned.
Blood swished around my mouth. I swallowed, tasting too much. More blood flowed around my mouth and down my chin and neck, soaking into my collar. It wasn’t stopping. Why wasn’t it stopping?
The carriage swayed. Air tightened. Cool sweat flushed my face. I reached for Kellee, knowing I wouldn’t make it, and saw him grab for my hand. Then I plummeted through the smothering dark and kept right on falling.