Orel Hershiser

I’d like to thank God for this victory. I couldn’t have done it without him.

—OREL HERSHISER, L.A. Dodgers

ANGEL: God? Can I talk to you for a second?

GOD: I’m watching the game.

ANGEL: I know – I’m sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to tell you: There’s been a flood in Asia. Four hundred thousand people have lost their homes.

GOD: Listen, I don’t think you understand. Orel Hershiser is on the mound. If he wins this game, he’ll improve his record to 13–3. That’s ten games over .500.

ANGEL: I know, I’m sorry, it’s just … If we don’t act in the next thirty minutes, thousands of people might drown.

GOD: Slide, Martinez! Slide, dammit! I’m sorry … I wasn’t listening. What were you saying?

ANGEL: If you don’t stop the rains soon, thousands will die. They’ve been praying all night. I really think you should answer them.

GOD: It looks like I’m going to have to intervene.

ANGEL: Really? Oh, that’s great news!

ANNOUNCER: Orel Hershiser winds up … Strike three! Wow – that fastball came out of nowhere!

GOD: Boo-yah! That’s what I’m talking about!

ANGEL: When you said you were going to intervene … were you talking about the baseball game or the flood?

GOD: What flood?

ANGEL: (sighing) There’s been a flood in Asia. Hundreds of thousands of people—

GOD: Shit! Hold on a second … I need to concentrate.

ANNOUNCER: Mike Piazza pounds Hershiser’s curveball into deep right field! He’s rounding second … he should get to third base easily … Oh no! He’s down! His leg just buckled underneath him! He’s screaming now … wow … he really seems to be in a lot of pain. Here comes the tag … he’s out. Looks like the Dodgers are the winners. Although I’m sure they didn’t want to win like this.

ANGEL: Okay, the game’s over. Can we please talk about the flood now?

GOD: In a second. I want to hear the postgame interview.

HERSHISER: I’d like to thank God for this victory. I couldn’t have done it without him.

GOD: Hey, did you hear that! Did you hear what he just said!

ANGEL: Yes, I heard.

GOD: Man … I love that Hershiser guy.

ANGEL: Can we talk about the flood now?

GOD: In a minute. NASCAR’s on. I got to make sure Greg Biffle wins.

ANGEL: Do you really have to watch NASCAR?

GOD: Yes! I don’t think you get it. There are people out there who are counting on me.