Gotham City Hall

BATMAN: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, Mayor.

MAYOR: Of course, Batman. What’s on your mind?

BATMAN: It’s about the prison system. I really think you should increase funding.

MAYOR: We’ve already been over this, Batman. We simply don’t have the resources.

BATMAN: But Gotham City needs a maximum security prison. I mean … look at these statistics. (Takes out pie chart.) Scarecrow has escaped eleven times. The Riddler has escaped sixty-four times. The Joker has escaped four thousand times. It’s like, what’s the point of even having a prison?

MAYOR: I wish there was something I could do, but the annual budget’s already been finalized.

BATMAN: You know these guys are trying to kill me, right?

MAYOR: I’ll tell you what: I can transfer the Joker to the Asylum for the Criminally Insane. That’s a secure location.

BATMAN: Are you kidding me? That place is a freaking joke!

MAYOR: …

BATMAN: I’m sorry … I was out of line.

MAYOR: That’s all right. I know this is an emotional issue for you.

BATMAN: I just don’t have any confidence in that asylum. Last month they released the Penguin and three days later he tried to kill me. I was able to capture him and have him recommitted to the asylum, but they released him again the very next day! He tried to kill me this morning. I barely escaped. He’s still on the loose.

MAYOR: Believe me, Batman, I sympathize.

BATMAN: Listen. I’ve been crunching the numbers, and if we eliminate the Gotham Symphony Orchestra, we can hire four extra guards and build a watchtower.

MAYOR: Batman, the orchestra is one of the jewels of our city.

BATMAN: I know, I know … but don’t you think we’ve reached a crisis situation?

MAYOR: It’s just … less costly to keep things the way they are. And besides, you can handle these guys! You’re Batman. You don’t need some fancy, expensive new prison.

BATMAN: Is that new? That flat screen TV?

MAYOR: …

(Phone rings.)

MAYOR: Excuse me, Batman. (Picks up phone.) Mayor Hayes here … really? Kidnapped? What did the note say? Huh … it sounds like some kind of riddle. Nah, don’t worry about the signal. He’s right here. (Hangs up.) It seems the governor’s daughter has been kidnapped.

BATMAN: Again? That’s the third time this month!

MAYOR: It sounds like the work of the Riddler. Apparently he’s … um … escaped from prison.

BATMAN: …

MAYOR: Hey, at least you’re already dressed, right? I mean, that saves us a call on the red phone.

BATMAN: You know what my red phone bill was last month? Eleven hundred dollars. That money comes straight out of my own pocket.

MAYOR: Do you want a key to the city?

BATMAN: I already have seventy-four keys to the city. I don’t need another key to the damn city. All I want is some accountability here.

MAYOR: I’ll tell you what: I’ll talk to that philanthropist, Bruce Wayne. I bet I can convince him to donate us a prison. That guy’s a real pushover.

BATMAN: …

MAYOR: You know there’s a rumour going around that he had a facelift?

BATMAN: Really? Who’s been saying that?

MAYOR: (Shrugs.) Everybody.