How I imagine life in the U.S. army (based on the commercials I’ve seen)

GENERAL STONE: All right, men, listen up! Our nation is at war, and the whole world is counting on us to protect freedom. That leaves us with just one option.

BOB: Rock climbing?

GENERAL STONE: Exactly. There’s a steep mountain in the middle of an unpopulated desert. We need someone to go there by himself, climb the mountain, and put a flag on the top.

BOB: I’ll do it.

GENERAL STONE: Excellent! Here’s the flag.

BOB: Cool.

GENERAL STONE: All right, let’s see. We also need someone to ride a Jet Ski. How about you, Jackson?

JACKSON: I don’t know, General, I’m sort of afraid of getting hurt. Can I stay here and work on computers?

GENERAL: Yes. Everybody who wants to can stay here and work on computers.

BRIAN: General?

GENERAL: What’s up?

BRIAN: Can I take a break? I kind of want to go to college.

GENERAL: No problem, here’s thirty thousand dollars in cash.

BRIAN: Great, thanks.

GENERAL: Okay, men, that’s it for the day.

JACKSON: Hey, look! It’s my friends and family.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY: Hey, nice uniform. We’re proud of you.

JACKSON: Thanks. See you in a couple of weeks.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY: Yeah, see you then.