Sultan of Brunei

The Sultan of Brunei is the richest oil magnate in the world. Servants, yachts, castles – he’s got everything! Everything except true love.

GIRLFRIEND: What’s wrong, honey?

SULTAN: Well … it’s just … sometimes I think you’re only going out with me because of my money.

GIRLFRIEND: Oh, darling! How could you say something like that?

SULTAN: What do you mean? I can say whatever I want. I’m the Sultan of Brunei.

GIRLFRIEND: You’re right, I’m sorry.

SULTAN: Get back into your fortress of rubies.

SULTAN: Honey, if I ask you a question, will you promise to tell me the truth?

CONCUBINE: Of course!

SULTAN: Would you still love me if I were poor? Keep in mind that if you say no, one of my warriors will murder you.

CONCUBINE: Yes, I would love you no matter what!

SULTAN: Okay, good. Now … do you want to see a movie or go bowling? Keep in mind that if you say bowling, one of my warriors will murder you.

CONCUBINE: Let’s see a movie.

SULTAN: I am the Sultan of Brunei!

SULTAN: I’m sorry I missed our anniversary, honey. Things were crazy at the office. I was counting gold bars and—

WIFE: You didn’t even get me a present!

SULTAN: Yes I did! I got you … this … drum of crude oil.

WIFE: That’s not going to work this time.

SULTAN: You’re so unforgiving! What happened to the woman I married?

WIFE: Which one? You have two hundred wives.

SULTAN: The one with the ribbons.

WIFE: She’s downstairs, I think.

SULTAN: Oh. What about Sheila?

WIFE: I’m Sheila.

SULTAN: Oh.

(Pause.)

SULTAN: Bear me a child of solid gold.