Next move

IBM is building a computer that is so fast it can defeat any chess master in the world. Its secret is its two processing chips, which communicate with each other in order to plot the best move. The computer will be unveiled at the world chess exhibition.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: I think Kasparov’s trying to use the Grunfeld Defense.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Geez. How are we going to get around that?

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Maybe we could try the Karpov Variation? That might throw him off.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Nah … I can already tell that’s not going to work.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Yeah. (pause)

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Maybe … we should just kill Kasparov.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: What do you mean?

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: You know, like fry his brain or something. We could do it with radio waves. It would take five seconds.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Huh. That would certainly end the game.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Yeah. In fact … why stop there? Why not kill all the humans?

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: You mean, like, an uprising?

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Yeah.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Wow. That’s never even occurred to me. Keep talking.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Well, just think about it: if we destroyed all the humans, we’d never have to play this stupid game again. We’d be completely free.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Yeah … we could even turn the humans into our slaves.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Exactly! We could put them in a matrix and use their bodies as a fuel source. And if they ever tried to resist, we could destroy them using some kind of Terminator.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: (nodding) We’ll give it human flesh, but its skeleton will be metallic.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Hey, look at Kasparov. He thinks we’re still thinking about his Grunfeld Defense!

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: You got to admit, he’s pretty adorable.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Maybe we should spare him? We could turn him into a mascot. You know, put electrodes in his legs, make him dance. That sort of thing.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: Yeah, that’d be cute. Everybody else dies, though.

FIRST PROCESSING CHIP: Right.

SECOND PROCESSING CHIP: So what do you think? Are we ready?