The odds

The odds of winning the lottery are statistically equal to the odds of getting mauled by a circus animal. The last guy to win the lottery was Al Romano. He won $80 million playing Powerball. The last guy to get mauled by a circus animal was Sam Ortle. He was attacked by a bear. I thought it would be neat to introduce these guys.

AL: Hi.

SAM: Hi. Congratulations on winning the lottery.

AL: Thanks! I’m really sorry … about your misfortune.

SAM: It had to happen to someone, I guess.

AL: How did it happen, exactly? Do you work for the circus?

SAM: No, I work for a computer company on the other side of town. I just happened to be out on my lunch break when the bear escaped into the city. I bent over to tie my shoes, and when I stood up he was sprinting toward me with both arms in the air. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life.

AL: I’m so sorry.

SAM: Yeah. I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So … how much money did you win in the lottery?

AL: Eighty million dollars. It sounds like more than it is, though! I have to pay a lot of taxes! (Long silence.)

SAM: So. Do you buy lottery tickets often?

AL: Actually, this was my first time.

SAM: I buy lottery tickets often. About five or six a week. I still haven’t won anything.

AL: Why do you keep looking over your shoulder like that?

SAM: Checking for bears. I know it probably won’t happen again, but I don’t want to take any chances. It’s a crazy world. Hey, what are you going to do with all the money?

AL: I haven’t really decided. I’m still a little dazed by the whole thing!

SAM: You know what I would do if I won the lottery? I’d build myself a suit to protect against bears. I’d wear it all the time, for the rest of my life.

AL: You know, if you want, I could buy you a suit with my winnings! Seriously, I’d be happy to do it.

SAM: What’s the point? Some bear would find a way.