Karma

When I told my friends I was converting to Hinduism, they said I was rushing into things. They’re just jealous because I’m racking up karma points left and right. Check out today’s tally:

9:00 A.M. Brushed teeth.	+2
9:25 A.M. Helped an old woman cross the street.	+50
9:30 A.M. Rubbed old woman’s belly in order to absorb some of her karma.	+20
10:00 A.M. Bet my buddy Greg 50 karmas that I could beat him in a vodka-chugging race.	+50
10:04 A.M. Made awesome “Karma and Greg” joke.	+200
1:00 P.M. Went to homeless shelter.	+100
1:01 P.M. Pretended to be homeless in order to receive free soup.	–10
1:05 P.M. Traded the soup to a real homeless man in exchange for all his karmas.	+3,500
5:00 P.M. Constructed Hindu idol out of styrofoam.	+75
5:45 P.M. Carried the styrofoam idol to a Hindu temple and threatened to destroy it if the priests didn’t give me all of their karmas.	+35,000
8 P.M. Stole.	–15
11:00 P.M. Vegetarian snack.
Next Life