If you have the fortune-telling habit, you jump to the conclusion in any given situation that you can predict the future—and that it’s going to be unpleasant. I’m going to fail geometry! you might think, or She’ll say no if I ask her to hang out. This thought habit has a lot in common with the catastrophizing habit (see chapter 2), which involves assuming that a catastrophe is about happen. Fortune-telling teens don’t necessarily expect disaster, but they do think the future is going to be bleak. Unfortunately, by jumping to a conclusion that something disappointing is about to happen and getting stuck there, you leap right over what is actually true. And you completely ignore the various possibilities of what could come next. Since crystal balls rarely get it right, you often waste time getting upset or worrying for nothing!
Imagine that you hear an announcement when you’re in the cafeteria at school calling you to the office. Someone with this habit might immediately think, I’m in trouble! In a case like this, the bad feeling that arises from fortune-telling would probably wear off quickly, as soon as you get the message that your mother will pick you up after school to go to the dentist. The problem gets a lot more serious, though, when you constantly predict that anything you try will end in failure or embarrassment. Teens who believe they’re doomed to always mess up frequently either get discouraged and stop trying their hardest or feel so nervous when they have to perform that they freeze up. Then, guess what? The prophecy of failure is apt to come true. You give up and stop bothering to study when you predict that you’ll fail geometry. You believe so strongly that you’ll strike out when you’re at bat that you’re too distracted to focus on the ball. And then you start skipping practice and quit baseball.
The fortune-telling habit can be destructive to relationships, too. Suppose you see your boyfriend or girlfriend talking and laughing with someone he or she used to date. If you immediately predict that a breakup is in your future with no other reason to think so, then chances are you might get mad and do or say something impulsive that will only create conflict.
Assuming habitually that what will happen next is going to be bad news often leads to feelings of worry and discouragement. And the counterproductive behavior that often results, such as skipping baseball practice or giving up on geometry, can eventually lead to anxiety and depression.
The key to breaking this thinking habit is to pause and question your automatic predictions about the future. Ask yourself what evidence you have that a bad outcome is inevitable. Practice focusing on what is going on in the present and responding to it rather than jumping to conclusions about what will come next. Ask yourself how often your predictions have been wrong in the past. Remind yourself that you can be proactive. Are there actions you can take to affect the future you see?
The payoff of breaking this thinking habit is that you become more hopeful about the future. Taking a pause to evaluate a situation, rather than predicting an outcome, allows you to focus on and enjoy what is happening in the present. When you’re optimistic, you’re much more apt to try hard, persevere, and succeed. And you’re much less likely to create conflict with your friends. Feelings of anxiety and depression lessen as your efforts show results.
Your goal is to become an “I’ll look before I leap” thinker. The cognitive restructuring exercises below will help you catch yourself when you jump to an unfavorable conclusion about the future. Can you find any evidence to support your fortune-telling thought? As you challenge your predictions about your own fate, you’ll start to see helpful ways you can act in the here and now so the predictions don’t turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. And as you stop yourself from predicting what awful thing a friend or family member is about to do, your interactions with other people will get more satisfying.
Since getting his learner’s permit, Charlie has practiced for weeks to take his driver’s test. He’s been feeling pretty excited about having his license because he wants to be able to drive to games and other school events like his brother does. But he blows the parking part of the test and ends up failing. Rather than looking at what he did wrong and thinking about what he can do to improve his chances of passing next time, he thinks, I’m such a bad driver. I won’t even get my license before graduation! He feels really hopeless as he imagines next year without being able to drive.
Charlie’s off-target thinking error: Without any evidence about what will happen in the future, Charlie makes a negative prediction that he won’t be driving at all next year. He doesn’t take into account that he can be proactive. He has some control over how much effort he puts into practicing.
What he does (or doesn’t do) next as a result of his fortune-telling thought: He lets his dad drive home from the test site and tells him, “Practicing more is pointless! I give up!”
How he feels: He feels discouraged about his chances of ever passing the driver’s test.
How his body responds: He becomes listless, his shoulders droop, and he lacks energy.
Reality check: What does Charlie say to himself to challenge his off-target thought? He checks to see if there’s any evidence that he can’t get his license before graduation. He asks himself, “How do I know for sure I can’t pass next time? What power do I have to predict the future?” He remembers that other friends have failed and taken the test again successfully within a few weeks. One friend even failed the test twice before passing on the third try.
Charlie’s helpful thought and action plan: Just because I didn’t pass once doesn’t mean I won’t next time. I’ll practice for the next few weeks, especially the maneuvers that are hard for me. And I’ll pick a test date for some time next month.
The payoff: How do the helpful thought and action plan improve Charlie’s situation? By realizing that he can’t know for sure what will happen in the future—and that he actually has a lot of power to affect what happens—he becomes energized. He feels more hopeful and motivated to work hard on his driving. As you gain experience stopping yourself from jumping to negative conclusions about the future, you, like Charlie, will feel more powerful to affect events.
Activity 1: Practice the Steps
Sophia’s dad has been transferred to a new city, and it means she has to switch schools in the middle of tenth grade. As soon as she hears the news, she jumps to the conclusion that, because she tends to be so quiet, she won’t fit in. Nobody will notice her or like her, she predicts. And besides, she thinks, by tenth grade, everybody will already have enough friends! Without friends, she’ll feel awkward all the time, and high school will be no fun.
What was Sophia’s off-target thinking error?
How do you think Sophia feels? (Circle all that apply.)
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Vulnerable |
Disgusted |
Calm |
Lonely |
|
Confused |
Annoyed |
Grateful |
Angry |
|
Embarrassed |
Worried |
Helpless |
Anxious |
|
Intimidated |
Distressed |
Uncomfortable |
Mad |
|
Fearful |
Stressed |
Irritable |
Rejected |
|
Tearful |
Discouraged |
Panicked |
Lost |
|
Self-conscious |
Miserable |
Envious |
Misunderstood |
Other(s):
|
Feels shaky |
Muscles tense |
Heart races |
Gets lump in throat |
|
Breathes fast |
Feels sluggish |
Gets sweaty |
Feels cold |
|
Stomach gets upset |
Muscles relax |
Frowns |
Gets a headache |
|
Feels energetic |
Face reddens |
Gets fidgety |
Heart pounds |
|
Hands clench |
Jaw tightens |
Toes clench |
Gets breathless |
|
Feels clammy |
Feels cold |
Feels light-headed |
Feels nauseous |
Other(s):
Reality check: What can Sophia say to herself to challenge her off-target thought? She stops for a moment and thinks about whether she has any evidence that she’ll have a terrible time at her new school. She reminds herself that she fits in fine at her current school. She asks herself, “Since I’ve never even visited the school, how do I know what it’s like? How do I know the kids there won’t be friendly?” Write down what Sophia can say to herself after considering these questions to challenge her off-target thought.
Sophia’s helpful thought and action plan: I may be quiet, but I have plenty of friends here, and I have no reason to believe that I won’t fit in at my new school. It’s normal to be a little nervous at first in a new place, but this move also can be exciting. I’ll see if I can meet some kids in the neighborhood, and I’ll check the website to see what activities I could join. I’ll be as friendly as I can be. I’ll make the best of it!
The payoff: How do the helpful thought and action plan improve Sophia’s situation? Consider the impact on her mood, physical sensations, behavior, and relationships.
You, too, can put your negative crystal ball away and take realistic stock of the present! Try taking these steps yourself.
Activity 2: Change Your Own Thinking Habit
Remember a time when you used your crystal ball to predict that something bad would happen when there was no good reason to think so. Describe what happened and how your thoughts were off-target.
How did this thought make you feel?
How did your body respond?
Reality check: What could you have said to yourself to challenge your off-target thought? Some possibilities: “Is my prediction reasonable in this case? What evidence do I have to base my fortune-telling on? How often am I right when I jump to the conclusion that something bad will happen?” After considering these questions, write down what you could have said to yourself to challenge the thought.
Describe your action plan:
The payoff: How would this helpful thought and action plan have improved your situation? Consider the impact on your mood, physical sensations, behavior, and relationships.
When you stop jumping to the conclusion that something negative is going to happen, you become calmer. You’re more able to see what is occurring now and what opportunities lie ahead. And when you’re more hopeful that something good could happen, you’re more motivated to try to make that come true.
Let’s get some practice looking for evidence. Think about where you go for evidence when you’re working on a school project, for example. You can gather facts by doing research online or in the library or by asking other people for information. Another good source of evidence is past behavior or experiences.
Read the predictions below, and in the space underneath each one, list two types of evidence you could find that would either support or refute the prediction. You may be surprised to find that the evidence helps increase the odds of a positive outcome instead!
Example: Taking this road trip with my parents is going to be so boring!
Evidence:
I’m going to have an anxiety attack at the party!
Evidence:
There’s no way our group project will get done on time!
Evidence:
My cousin won’t want to hang out with me when his family comes for winter break.
Evidence:
Our basketball team is sure to lose the big game this weekend.
Evidence:
Our day trip to the beach tomorrow is going to get rained out!
Evidence:
The habit of making negative predictions about the future can damage your performance and your self-confidence and interfere with your friendships. When you constantly doubt your own abilities, you may lose hope and stop trying. And jumping to the conclusion that someone else is going to disappoint you is bound to affect how you interact with that person. By paying close attention to the present and becoming an “I’ll look before I leap!” thinker instead, you begin to see—and believe—that many possibilities exist. Believing that you have the power to affect which one comes true makes you a more resilient person.
Remember: