Turned out that answer was indefinitely.
Things changed between them. Tavis started holding her hand when he walked her to class. He also kissed her chastely on the lips and looked into her eyes and stroked her cheeks and let his gaze roam up and down her body at times throughout the day.
At night, he dropped onto his side of the bed, rolled toward her, pinned her under the covers, and made out with her as if they were randy teenagers.
By the end of their first month, four weeks after she’d met him, she was a constant ball of nervous energy. Sexual energy. It was hard to focus on her classes and her lab work. She went to the library between classes to do research but struggled to concentrate.
Tavis was always nearby. Always watching her. It was maddening.
On Friday, she didn’t feel well. She went to class, but she ended up rushing to the bathroom and vomiting, lucky to have made it. She was shaky and flushed.
Tavis was standing outside the bathroom, hovering when she came out. “You okay?” He grabbed her hand to stop her, keeping her from ducking and rushing past him.
“Yep,” she lied. Who wanted to discuss their stomach issues with their boyfriend? Her masturbation habits, sure. Her vomiting, no.
“Did you drink any water by accident?” His brows were furrowed when he lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“I don’t think so.”
“Could be dysentery. Maybe from brushing your teeth or even the shower. Be careful not to swallow the water, okay?”
“Yes.” Of course. She knew that. She’d done her homework before leaving the States. Besides, everyone knew not to consume water in any foreign country. It was never wise.
Saturday morning started much the same way. Her stomach was upset even before she got out of bed, and she slid off the side and nearly ran into the bathroom, not able to take the time to shut and lock the door.
Tavis was behind her in an instant, holding her hair back and stroking her head. He reached for a washcloth next and poured clean bottled water on it before wiping her face and then holding it against her forehead. “Maybe it’s the flu,” he suggested as he helped her back to bed. “Lie down. I’ll make you some tea.”
She watched as he left the room. The sun was barely up. She’d worked hard all week and intended to sleep a bit later than usual this morning before hitting the library for the rest of the day.
When Tavis returned with the steaming cup of tea, she pushed to sitting and sipped it.
“Better?” He looked far too concerned, his face tense, brows furrowed.
“I’m sure it’s no big deal. Like you said, I probably ingested some water or maybe it’s the flu.” She drew her arms in close to her body, holding the mug in both hands, and then she winced. Her boobs were tender.
“What?” Tavis didn’t miss a damn thing. He was more in tune with her than she was. Shit, the man hasn’t slept with me, but he probably knows my menstrual cycle.
Wait… “Oh, shit.” Her eyes widened and she nearly dropped the tea.
Luckily, Tavis took it from her trembling hands and set it on the bedside table.
No. No way. Fuck. “How long have we been here?” Please, God. Maybe it hasn’t been a month. Maybe it’s only been a few weeks.
“Four weeks. Why?”
Colette couldn’t breathe. She jerked to the side and curled into a ball on the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think. This couldn’t be happening. Her fucking period. She hadn’t had it since she arrived.
Her heart was pounding. Oh, God.
“Colette. What’s going on?”
“Give me a minute,” she managed to mumble.
“No.” His hand was on her hip. “You’re scaring me. Talk to me.”
She tried to draw in a breath, unsuccessfully. Her head was spinning.
Tavis was crowding her. Taking up all the oxygen in the room.
She winced, needing him to leave.
“Colette?” he whispered.
“For the love of God, Tavis,” she gritted out, not looking at him. “Give me a minute. Please. Get out.”
He hesitated and then slid off the bed and left the room, shutting the door with a soft snick.
Colette drew in a deep breath, but couldn’t release it.
Tears came to her eyes. This couldn’t be happening. She was going to hyperventilate. She couldn’t catch her breath. No. God, no.
Visions from that damn night of partying sprang to mind. Flashes of dancing with her friends, drinking too much, hooking up with a stranger.
Seriously, she didn’t even know the guy’s name. She knew nothing about him. She’d been drunk and feisty and wanted to blow off steam. It wasn’t like her. She never hooked up with random men in bars. Strangers. Never.
Her stomach revolted again, and she shoved off the bed and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet this time before dry heaves shook her entire frame. This wasn’t just morning sickness. It was also nerves. Fear. Panic.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand landed on her back. She was slumped over the toilet seat, leaning all her weight on it, done vomiting but unwilling to move. She’d like to go ahead and drown herself for her stupidity.
“Sit back, hon.” His voice was gentle, caring.
She didn’t deserve it. She shook her head slightly, wincing as the nausea returned. Her punishment for being a reckless idiot.
Tavis ignored her protest and eased her away from the toilet.
She leaned against the wall and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and facing the floor. She had his shirt pulled down over her knees. Tavis’s shirt. Tavis. The man she’d been sharing a bed with for two weeks who was not the father of this baby.
More tears fell. She couldn’t stop them.
Tavis squatted in front of her and wiped her face with a fresh clean washcloth.
“Stop being nice to me,” she murmured, not looking at him. She couldn’t. She would start bawling if she did. Why was he still in here helping her? Was he dense? Surely he grasped what was happening.
He stepped over to the sink. The sound of a box opening filled her ears and then a wrapper. She held her breath and then glanced up as he held out a pregnancy stick. “Jesus,” she murmured.
“I went to the pharmacy. Come on. Rip off the Band-Aid. We can’t deal with the unknown.”
She stared at his outstretched hand and the fucking pregnancy test for long seconds. Finally, she reached out and took it from him, trembling. More tears fell. “I think I’d rather be ignorant.”
“No, you wouldn’t. It will eat you up inside.”
He was right. Why did he have to be so damn nice and right? And kind. And thoughtful.
She was half in love with him and now poof, their relationship was suddenly over before it began.
“I’ll wait in the bedroom or I can stay here if you want.”
She flinched. “Are you kidding?” Her hand was shaking and she didn’t take her eyes off the fucking stick.
“No.”
“You’d stay in here and hold my hand while I pee?” She couldn’t even wrap her head around that idea.
“Yes.” His tone was unreadable. He was stating facts. He didn’t even know a thing about who’d gotten her pregnant or the circumstances, but he wasn’t leaving her to deal with it alone.
A sob escaped.
He squatted down next to her again and lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze for the first time since this shitshow had started. How long had it been? Minutes? An hour? Long enough for him to go to the pharmacy apparently.
“One thing at a time, okay? Right now, all you need to do is pee. That’s it. Don’t think about one other thing. Pee and then let me know when you’re done.”
She nodded.
He helped her stand on shaky legs. “Got it?”
“Yes.” She felt like she was on autopilot. Pee on the stick. Just that one thing. That’s all she needed to do for now.
As soon as Tavis pulled the door almost closed, she wiggled her panties down and sat on the toilet. She nearly dropped the damn stick in the toilet from shaking so badly. When she was done, she set the stick on the box it came in and washed her hands.
Before she turned off the water, Tavis was back. He guided her out of the room and back to her bed, lifting her up and settling her on the cool sheets. He even pulled the covers over her lower body.
She immediately rolled to her side, and Tavis shocked her yet again by climbing up behind her and spooning her. He stroked her hair back from her face. “Take a breath,” he whispered.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because we’re in a relationship, hon. I’m not an asshole.”
She sobbed, more tears falling. Would they ever stop?
“It might be easier if you were an asshole,” she murmured between sobs.
“Well, I’m not.”
“You aren’t even asking me questions. You should be furious.”
“We’ll get to the questions later. And why should I be furious?”
“Because I obviously had sex with someone else.”
“I’ve had sex with other people too, hon. You haven’t had sex with anyone since I met you. Why would I be mad you slept with other people before we met?”
She choked on another sob, frustrated by his kindness. Part of her wished he would shout at her and fucking leave the room so she could torture herself in peace. Her life was ruined. Didn’t he see that?
“Shh. Colette, you’re going to make yourself sick. Deep breaths.”
She jerked her face around to see him, glaring. “I fucking slept with another man the night before I met you, Tavis.”
“Okay. And we’ll deal with it. Together.”
“Aren’t you freaking out?” she shouted. Why was she angry with him?
“Yes. Of course I am, but not for the reasons you think.”
“I’m pregnant with another man’s baby, Tavis,” she pointed out. She didn’t need the stupid test to know. She was two weeks late. She was never late.
“Are you in love with him?” he asked, his face flat. He knew the answer.
“I don’t even fucking know his name,” she yelled before she could stop herself. She twisted away from him and buried her face in the pillow.
He held her a moment and then eased off the bed. “Be right back.”
She held her breath while he was gone, not exhaling until he was back. He didn’t say a word, just curled up behind her again.
Seconds ticked by. She knew by his silence there had been two lines on that stick. The infuriating man simply held her, stroking her cheek, smoothing her hair back. “I know you’re freaking out, hon, but I’m here. I want to be here. We can lie here a while if you want. When you’re ready to talk, let me know.”
“What if I want you to leave the apartment so I can wallow in self-pity?”
“I won’t do that. Sorry. My job is to protect you. I didn’t like leaving you to go to the pharmacy. I only did it because I knew it was close. I jogged.”
She drew in a slow breath. “What am I going to do?”
“I don’t have the answers, but please let me in. Let me help.”
She let out her breath and drew in another. The world felt like it was ending. Would she have to go home? Give up her dream? She was so close to finishing her PhD. Fuck.
“Are you certain who the father is?” he asked carefully.
“I’m certain I don’t have a clue who the father is, if that’s what you’re asking. Not because I slept with more than one man. I only slept with the one man this year. One time. I was drunk. I was angry. I let him fuck me in his truck behind the bar. It was stupid. I’m an idiot. I’ll obviously pay for it for the rest of my life.”
“So, you didn’t get his name. Do you remember anything else about him?” Tavis inquired.
“Sure. He was friendly, cute, flirty, about your size, sexy, dark hair, tanned skin.”
“So, he looked like me,” Tavis teased.
“It’s not funny.”
“It kinda is. I must be your type then.”
“Ugh.” She rolled her face into the pillow again.
“Sorry. I’m just trying to get you to relax a little.”
“I’m not going to relax again for the rest of my life. It’s a baby. That wasn’t in the plan at all. I have another year of school. I didn’t even have marriage on the horizon, let alone kids.”
Tavis continued to stroke her. He’d moved to her arm now. “Did you want kids?”
“Sure. Maybe. In the future. Not now. Hell, I don’t know. I didn’t really see myself falling for a man at all, so I hadn’t factored in kids. They hadn’t been on my radar. Not until…” She stopped speaking, biting her lip.
“I hope the rest of that sentence involved me,” he murmured.
“Does it matter anymore?”
“Yes.”
“Why? Why wouldn’t you run as far as you can? Find someone to replace you before you get any more tangled with me and my stupidity.”
“Not my style. Or if it was, it isn’t anymore. Not since I met you. Does this put a crimp in our plans? A bit, yes, but you matter to me, so I’m not going to run out the door and leave you to deal with this alone.”
“You barely know me.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. We’ve spent nearly every waking hour together for a month. Sleeping hours too. I know you better than any woman I’ve ever dated. I know you well enough to realize you’re in a full panic right now and the last thing you need is for me to leave you alone.”
Colette held her breath again, not wanting to cry anymore. Silent tears fell anyway.
“Did you have any feelings for this guy?”
“No. I didn’t really talk to him. We fucked. We apparently didn’t use protection.”
“Any chance you could pick him out of a lineup?”
“I doubt it. My memory is fuzzy. I can’t really visualize his face.” She groaned. “Who the fuck sleeps with a man in his truck behind a bar with no protection?” She flattened her palm on her forehead.
“Lots of people.”
“Have you?”
“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten protection, but I have had sex with women without getting their names a few times. Or maybe I got their names but then forgot. Not proud of it, but I’ve done it. Not much different from what you’re describing. You’re not the only person alive to have gotten drunk and had sex with a stranger, hon.”
She chewed on her bottom lip. She knew he was trying to make her feel better, but she was fucking pregnant so it wasn’t working.
“Do you want to try to find him?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Definitely not.”
“Okay, then one more question. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just asking. Do you want to stay pregnant?”
She closed her eyes again and shuddered at the thought of the alternative. “I don’t think I have it in me to terminate it.”
“Okay. That’s off the table then. So, you’ll carry it to term. You don’t have to make any decisions right now, but you could either keep it or arrange an adoption if you don’t think you’re ready to have a baby. See? Options?”
She twisted to face him again. He continued to shock her. “Not going to lie. Doubt I could give up a baby I carried inside me. It’s part of me.”
“Then you don’t have to.”
“Do you have an answer for everything?”
“No. Mostly I only have questions. I’m trying to be strong for you, Colette. I’m trying to be the kind of man you need right now.”
“Is that hard?” She didn’t know why she was pushing him. No reason to be a bitch.
“Not at all.” He didn’t flinch. Didn’t take her question as a personal affront.
“So what? We’re just going to go on as we have? You still want to be with me now that I’m carrying another man’s baby?”
Tavis drew in a long deep breath. “Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I’m not going to walk away from you though. I’m here. I’m not some random bodyguard. I’m your boyfriend. I know because you told Isaac,” he teased as he gave her a squeeze.
“I’m also your friend. I care about you. This is a lot to process. All we can do is take it one day at a time.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Of course you do. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She twisted to look at him again. “You can’t. My dad is paying you to stick to me like glue.”
He lifted a brow. “You know good and well I could get another guy from the Holt Agency to take over for me. I could have done that at any point. I didn’t because I don’t want someone else protecting you, and I don’t want to leave you. That hasn’t changed.”
“Surely you’re freaking out inside.”
“Yep.” At least he didn’t lie. He leaned closer. “But I was already freaking out inside before today. I’ve never had a serious girlfriend. I’ve never been remotely as close to anyone as I am to you.”
“You’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month?” She didn’t believe that.
“I have. I’ve even had one that lasted almost a year, but I didn’t spend as much time with her in that year as I have with you in one month. Nor did I ever see it as a long-term thing. I never felt my chest tighten when she entered a room. I never paced around waiting for her phone calls. I never thought long and hard about her when we weren’t together. She was just a woman I was exclusive with for a year. We went our separate ways. Neither of us lost sleep when we broke up.”
Colette could understand that. She shouldn’t be judging him. She’d never been even remotely invested in another person before Tavis. And now…
She shuddered. There was no reason to ponder what was going to happen next. If he stayed with her through this, he was the best man alive. She didn’t even feel like staying with herself at the moment.
“Why don’t you take a shower,” he suggested. “I’ll make you something to eat.”
She cringed at the thought of swallowing.
“Oatmeal or toast. You need something inside your stomach.”
She stared at him. Was he real? She’d spent two weeks trying to get in his pants. Now what? He’d probably never want to have sex with her now. That ship sailed.
Tavis cupped her face though and gently kissed her. “One hour at a time today, okay?”
She nodded. What choice did she have?