The next several days were like a dream. Colette forced her problems to the back of her mind and focused on the zebras, giraffes, buffalo, hippos, kob, and topi. They were even lucky enough to see a herd of elephants in the distance. There was no way she could ever describe what it was like to see African animals in the wild.
On top of that, Tavis was amazing. Almost to the point of being annoying. The man could do no wrong. He refused to be daunted by her situation. Any space he’d given her for the past two weeks disappeared.
She hadn’t been certain where his head was in the weeks following the discovery that she was pregnant. He’d said all the right things when he’d spoken, but he’d kept his words to a minimum and touched her infrequently.
Had he done that for her or for himself? She didn’t want to ask. It didn’t matter. Either he’d given her time to think and adjust her mindset, or he’d taken his own time to come to grips with the fact that she was fucking pregnant with a baby that was not his.
Apparently, he was either done thinking or done giving her a wide berth because from the moment they’d begun this safari, he’d kept her close. Holding her hand had become the norm whenever they were walking. When they perched on the top of the Land Cruiser, he kept one hand on the small of her back protectively. And when they slept, he pulled her into his arms and never let her go.
Nights were her favorite, even though she felt like she was living a lie. Like her life was split in two. On Earth One, she was a single pregnant woman who hadn’t finished her education and would soon find herself raising a child on her own while working and shuffling back and forth to daycare.
On Earth Two, she was a wealthy, carefree graduate student on the vacation of a lifetime with her boyfriend. She liked Earth Two better, but it wasn’t real. It was fiction, and the bubble would eventually burst. It had no choice.
Letting Tavis get physically close to her wasn’t hard. Her body hadn’t changed much yet. Her breasts were usually tender and sore, but she didn’t feel self-conscious about her stomach.
It was a slippery slope though. How was she going to break this contact when her pregnancy grew more obvious? She would feel uncomfortable about him touching her so much when she started growing. Wouldn’t he?
The only things that stood out about this fake world was that neither of them ordered alcohol and she was so damn tired that she slept much more than she used to. Tavis didn’t say a word about either. He didn’t once order himself a beer or mention it, and he frequently was the one to suggest they go to bed earlier than usual.
After spending two nights at the first lodge and two nights at yet another beautiful lodge in another park, they arrived at Bwindi Impenetrable Forest where they would go gorilla tracking the next day. This would be the highlight of the trip, and she was looking forward to it.
It seemed like every place they stayed was even better than the last. The Buhoma Lodge had quaint log cabins with deep clawfoot tubs. She spent a half an hour soaking on the first night.
It wasn’t until she climbed into bed, giving up the bathroom to Tavis, that she opened her phone for the first time that day.
She cringed when she saw there were messages from Richard. Jesus. Why couldn’t the man leave her alone? Her panic about what he might know about her was growing with every contact.
Even though she hadn’t responded to his texts or his emails, she was on edge, wondering what he might do with the information he might have. She chewed on her fingernail as she read his text.
I know you’re on the other side of the globe, but surely you can return my message, Colette. I’m trying to give you time to do the right thing, but I’m running out of patience.
Her stomach seized. What did he mean? She’d half-expected for his texts to take on this new tone for weeks. She shouldn’t be surprised. But she’d hoped he wouldn’t turn out to be as big of a dick as she suspected. Apparently, she’d been wrong.
After reading the text three times, hoping to hear a different tone or meaning, bile rose in her throat, and she dropped her phone and dashed for the bathroom without even thinking about the fact that Tavis was in the shower.
He was standing under the water, a half wall keeping her from seeing below his waist, and she hesitated, slightly mortified for a moment, before rushing the rest of the way to the toilet and emptying her stomach of dinner.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmured as she finally caught her breath, still leaning over the toilet. “I couldn’t…”
Tavis’s hand landed on her shoulder, and he pressed a cold washcloth against her forehead. “Don’t apologize. Are you okay?”
She sighed. She wasn’t. Not even close. This had nothing to do with morning sickness. This was all about Richard. She’d gone from pissed to nervous to scared now. And the last thing she wanted to do was tell Tavis what the fuck she was concerned about.
He helped her to her feet, and her breath caught in her lungs as her gaze landed on his chest. He was still dripping wet from the shower. The only thing he’d done was wrap a towel around his waist. At least she wasn’t staring at his cock.
He brushed her hair back, tipped her chin, and met her gaze with a furrowed brow. “You haven’t thrown up in the evening before, hon.”
She shrugged. “I guess it can happen.”
He nodded slowly. “I know it can, but are you sure it’s not something else? Something you ate?”
She shook her head, not wanting him to think the food had been bad or uncooked or anything. Dinner had been perfect up until she’d seen the text from Richard.
He spun her around and led her back toward the bedroom, helping her to her side of the bed and pulling back the covers.
She gasped as her phone, which had been sitting on top, slid to his side, and then nearly died when the screen lit up. Shit. The last thing she wanted was for Tavis to see the texts from Richard. She prayed whatever was incoming was from anyone under the sun except for that fucking asshole. Even her dad. Anyone.
As Tavis reached for the phone, she held her breath, but her heart seemed to stop beating when he stiffened, holding the phone up.
“Oh, God,” she whispered. Worse than another text. Richard had sent a photo this time. No words, just a picture of her on the dance floor with her friends the night before she’d flown to Uganda.
She somehow found the strength to snatch the phone out of Tavis’s hand, but she was shaking and nearly dropped it.
Tavis took the cell back from her and patted the mattress. “Get in,” he commanded.
She was shivering as she climbed under the covers. She wished she could slap her cell out of his hand, but didn’t dare. Whatever was going to happen next on this train wreck was already in motion.
“When was this taken?” Tavis asked calmly. There was no accusation in his voice.
She dropped her head onto the pillow and stared at the ceiling. She was fucking scared now. Furious too. But mostly scared.
“Colette?” His voice was calm as he sat next to her hip and set his hand on her arm, giving it a squeeze. “I need you to talk to me, hon. What’s going on?”
She inhaled slowly, mostly to keep from freaking the fuck out, and let that breath out just as slowly and deliberately. “I’m not sure.”
Tavis lifted the phone to look at it again. “This is from the night before you left, isn’t it?”
She closed her eyes and nodded. Tavis didn’t know the whole story. He couldn’t possibly understand the scope of what was happening here. She wasn’t sure she could fully wrap her head around it. She’d worried Richard’s escalating texts might be leading up to something, but she hadn’t thought about it being this.
“These texts are from Richard Tillerman, the man your father called you about. Was this asshole following you that night?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” she murmured. “Or maybe he accidentally ran into me,” she hedged, though she didn’t believe that. Not deep down.
“You left out that detail when you told me about that night,” he pointed out.
She winced.
Tavis slid his palm up to her neck. “May I please read what he has been texting you?”
Her heart was racing. She wasn’t sure what to do. If she let Tavis read the texts, everything would change. He would know things she wasn’t willing to face. He would ask hard questions she didn’t want to answer.
Without answering him, she rolled away from him and curled into a ball. How did her life get so out of control?
Tavis set her phone down on the bedside table instead of poking around in it. He didn’t say a word as he stood and returned to the bathroom.
Panic set in as she listened to the water running, the sound of him brushing his teeth, the toilet flushing. Him walking away without pressuring her further was almost worse.
When he reemerged, he turned out all the lights and climbed into bed, not touching her. For the past several nights, he’d pulled her into his embrace every night. Now there was suddenly a foot and two thousand miles between them.
Silent tears ran down her face. She’d been so emotional lately, and it was hard to know what to attribute her rollercoaster of feelings to. The pregnancy hormones ranked high on the list of culprits, but this situation with Richard could possibly break her.
Why couldn’t she just tell Tavis everything?
Because you’re embarrassed and humiliated.
Plus, she knew if she told him all the details, he would have his people hunt Richard down and that would make everything worse. Tavis might be amazing at finding people and digging around in their lives, but he didn’t understand the world of politics and how easily someone’s life could be completely ruined with one false move.
One false move caught on camera.
How many pictures did Richard have? Was he taunting her with this one? Letting her know there were others and if she didn’t do what he wanted, he would show the world?
With every new text, her fears escalated. It was time to admit Richard Tillerman was blackmailing her. And it wasn’t just her reputation he could take down. He could ruin her father.
No. Telling Tavis would be a disaster. She needed to do something though. She needed to respond to the text. Make Richard think she was considering his proposal. It would buy her some time. Hell, perhaps if she let him believe she was at least interested in talking when she returned home, maybe she could get him to see reason when he finally saw her. Hugely pregnant.
Maybe he would give up his pursuit when he found out. Why bother to ruin her or her father if he was no longer interested in the end goal? Because she knew all he cared about was a business merger that would elevate his status in society. Colette was nothing to him but arm candy in the form of the secretary of state’s daughter. A catch.
She shuddered at the thought of ever letting that man touch her, let alone kiss her. The thought of having sex with him was abhorrent. But it would never come to that because he would give up his quest once he saw her.
Yes. That was the best plan. String him along. Convince him she was on board with the idea of marrying him. Put an end to what she now knew were silent threats.
Tavis rolled onto his side, facing away from her. It tore a hole in her heart. She was hurting him. Blocking him out. He had every right to be angry with her. But he didn’t understand what she was dealing with. He couldn’t. He didn’t live in her world. He had no idea how many people in her position were practically forced to marry someone they didn’t even like just to keep up appearances. It happened all the time.
Colette had feared something like this would happen for years. Not necessarily that she would end up the victim of blackmail, but something similar that would cause her to feel trapped into marriage.
It was her own fault. She never should have gone out that night. She never should have fucked a stranger in his fucking truck. For the millionth time, she was once again furious with herself for that impulsive act that stemmed from misdirected anger.
She would pay for her mistake for the rest of her life. Hopefully not by marrying Richard though. She had to hope she could text him just enough to string him along and then find a way to ensure he was one of the first people she saw when she returned to the States at the end of the semester.
He would take one look at her, and give up the fight. And why bother to resort to his plan to blackmail her when he realized marrying her would be an embarrassment?
It could work.
Colette would still pay. She would probably never finish her PhD. She could probably get a decent job with the amount of education and knowledge she had but nothing like what she’d planned.
Staying in Uganda for the rest of the semester was a joke. For what? Was she really going to spend her time buried in the library working on a dissertation she most likely couldn’t finish?
Even under the best of circumstances, it would be nearly impossible to finish her research while breastfeeding and changing diapers with little to no sleep.
She stared at Tavis’s broad shoulders. He wasn’t sleeping. She could tell by his breathing. He was too still. How angry was he? She’d never seen him lose his temper. She deserved it. She deserved for him to flip to his other side and lay into her.
Part of her wished he would. She wouldn’t feel quite as sick to her stomach if he would stop being so nice. She couldn’t imagine going to sleep with this giant rift between them. It probably wasn’t even possible. Her heart was racing and her chest was tight.
Tavis was the first man she’d ever really cared about. If she was completely honest with herself—which she didn’t have the luxury of being—she would have to admit her feelings were far deeper than caring for him.
He made her laugh. He made her smile. He cooked for her and cleaned up after her. He held her hair when she vomited, even though it had to infuriate him to see her sick from the baby she was carrying that belonged to another man.
He didn’t waver though. He’d given her space and time, but he hadn’t fully pulled away until right now. He was solid and strong—emotionally and physically. He was a dream. A pipe dream.
She squeezed her eyes tight and pictured him in her life. What if she returned to the States as his girlfriend? Pregnant or not, her parents would freak the fuck out. She didn’t much care what they thought, but Tavis might. He couldn’t possibly understand how furious her father would be if she hooked up with such a common man.
The funny thing was Tavis was anything but common. The man was a retired Navy SEAL, for fuck’s sake. He had a lot of training and education. He was knowledgeable about a wide range of subjects, including every inch of this beautiful country.
Tavis had planned this trip down to the minute details, leaving out nothing, ensuring the two of them had the time of their lives. And she had been enjoying every single moment until the fucking text and then picture from Richard.
There was no way Tavis would agree to her plan to string Richard along. It wouldn’t even be fair to ask him and also pretend to be his girlfriend. Flames would come out of his head if he found out she was secretly flirting with Richard on the side even if it was all fake.
The entire situation was a shitshow, and she couldn’t see any way out. Tears fell again. Fucking tears. She held her breath, willing them to stop. They dripped onto her pillow, and she didn’t dare move an inch to swipe at them because she wouldn’t risk Tavis knowing she was crying.
She thought she did a good job holding back the sobs that wanted to escape, but apparently not.
Tavis rolled onto his back, reached for her, and hauled her against his side into the position he’d held her every night lately.
A sudden sob slipped from her lips at his kindness.
He pulled her tighter against his chest and kissed the top of her head before dragging the corner of the sheet to wipe her cheeks.
That only made things worse. She was treating him horribly, and he was treating her like a princess in return.
She grabbed onto the edge of the sheet, pressed it against her face and cried. Really cried. Hard. Ugly cried. Unable to stop. She’d needed to let herself release all these emotions for days, weeks. Once the dam opened, there was no stopping the flow of water until it was drained.
Tavis held her the entire time, stroking her arm, kissing her temple and her forehead, rocking her gently in his arms. Being perfect, which made her cry longer.
Finally, she was worn out and done. She sniffled the last of the tears and curled into him. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“I know, hon,” he whispered back. “I find it impossible to stay mad at you, but I’m worried.”
“I know you are, but can we please table this for now? I’m exhausted.” She didn’t know how long she could put him off or what she might say to dissuade him. He wasn’t the sort of man who would let something like this go forever, especially because his job was to dig around in every possible threat to her life. He had to assume Richard was on that list of possible threats.
The crazy thing was that Tavis was wrong. There was no threat to her life. Richard certainly didn’t ransack her apartment. She doubted he even had a clue where she lived. He wouldn’t hire people to rough up her place either. Why? That wasn’t what he wanted.
Tavis was wasting his time trying to find someone who might be a specific threat to her. The idea was fictional. Her father overreacting. He’d always been this way. Overprotective. Overbearing. Over everything.
Nope. This situation with Richard was personal. He would never hurt her. He simply wanted to marry her and would stop at nothing to ensure she eventually consented.
With no clear answers to anything, Colette finally drifted off to sleep.