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Lizzy stood in Gunter’s amidst the sweet scents and the hum of conversation. She had never felt so strange in her life. Her head was light and her heart beat wildly. Thankfully she had Darcy’s arm to hold onto as they walked to the door and stepped outside.
Sally, waiting for them, curtseyed. She followed behind as they strolled along the pavement. Lizzy could hardly attend to the maid, her mind was so muddled. Was Darcy courting her? Or was his concern more brotherly in nature? His demeanour had swerved from one direction to the other. She could not keep up.
Did she want him to court her? It was a stupid question. Of course she did. As much as he infuriated her, she liked him unaccountably well. She especially liked how it felt when he held her hand protectively against his arm, as if she were his.
His. That was what she wanted to be. Was it so wrong to wish for the care of a man who could save her from poverty? Who could remove her forever from Mr. Collins’ influence? What a little tyrant he might be, if he thought it was his job to marry off her and her sisters!
The square was crowded due to the fine weather, and they greeted friends along the way. Darcy seemed rather grim about it. What had he said about Lady Jersey? That he did not want Lizzy to become the subject of gossip?
There was some protectiveness in that, too. Was he troubled about speculation of a tendre between them? That seemed to suggest a brotherly interest, then.
The thought hurt her heart. Why did not Darcy allow himself to be read, like every other person in the world? No, he must maintain his dignity at all costs. Even when it meant putting a barrier between them.
When they reached her house, she said, “Thank you. That was lovely.”
“The pleasure was all mine.” He bowed over her hand and placed a kiss atop her glove. It was all quite gallant. But what did it mean?
She watched him walk away, then entered the house. Jane rushed up to her. “You must tell me everything.”
For privacy, they went upstairs to Lizzy’s room and sat together on the bed. Lizzy glanced out into the garden. The first signs of spring were starting to appear.
“I have never known Mr. Darcy to be so attentive or kind,” she said at last. “At times I thought he was flirting, but at others...”
She swallowed down the thickness in her throat. “He said he would not be easy until I was well settled. If I fell into circumstances where I needed to make a match, I should consult Lady Matlock.” Lizzy shook her head. “Those do not sound like the words of a suitor.”
Jane drew her brow, confusion showing in her brilliant blue eyes. “Why would he ask you out to walk, to discuss such a topic?”
“We did not start on that topic. Our conversation was light most of the time. But when I mentioned that Mr. Collins would be the head of our family one day—”
Jane let out a little gasp. “Surely not. We would fall under the care of my uncle Gardiner, not Mr. Collins.”
Lizzy pursed her lips. “I do not know enough about the law to say.” If Mr. Collins wished to pursue his familial rights, who knew what the outcome might be? Might he have the right to demand their obedience? To beat them if they failed in their obligations? She did not think him a violent man, but she could not say for certain what he was capable of.
Nor did she wish to find out.
Mr. Darcy had said she was vulnerable. Perhaps that was what he had meant. She would trust him a thousand times over before she would trust Mr. Collins. The simpering fool might not be clever enough to realize a woman had the sense to govern herself.
Jane grabbed Lizzy’s hand. “But you also said you thought Mr. Darcy might have been flirting with you.”
Lizzy nodded, her eyes unfocused. “It was the oddest thing. He said he liked my independent spirit. That he could not understand why any man would want to marry fawning woman like Miss Bingley. Something about the way he said it made it sound like he wanted to marry me. But that might have been my imagination.”
Jane smiled, and was practically bouncing. “But that is a good start. That is, if you think you could like him. He said you are the sort of woman he admires.”
“I already like him, Jane. But I am not convinced he likes me—not in that way. Although he was terribly familiar with me. Scandalously so, in fact.” Her cheeks warmed at the memory of his words.
Jane’s eyes widened. “What did he do?”
“I called myself a simple country maid. He said I was neither simple nor countrified, but he would not speculate as to whether I was a maid.”
“Lizzy!” Jane cried, pressing her hand to the base of her throat. “You must have misunderstood.”
“I understood perfectly.”
Jane narrowed her gaze. “Then he must be planning to make you an offer. No gentleman would take such liberties in speaking to a lady otherwise.”
Lizzy smoothed the skirt of her soft muslin walking dress. “Not unless he wished to insult, which he clearly did not. When Mr. Darcy is relaxed, he has a wonderful sense of humour. I did not know that about him before today.”
Jane sighed. “How wonderful it would be, if you married Mr. Darcy, and then Mr. Bingley bought a country house in Derbyshire...”
“You are getting ahead of yourself,” Lizzy warned, a grin breaking out over her face. “Mr. Darcy is one of the wealthiest men in England. Why would he marry a penniless woman like me?”
“Because of your independent spirit, which he admires. Because you are nothing like Caroline, whom he does not. Lizzy, you know your worth. Do not pretend otherwise.”
“Ever since I came to London,” Lizzy said, “it feels as if I have been living in a dream. Mr. Darcy swept me up into his coach, as if he were responsible for me. And I liked that feeling. For so much of our lives, we have been on our own.”
Jane looked as if she might protest, but Lizzy stopped her.
“Yes,” Lizzy conceded, “our parents looked after our physical needs. But our intellectual needs, our emotional needs... I am not certain either of them was equipped for that. I feel as if I could trust Mr. Darcy. As if anything I needed, he could provide. It is a wonderful feeling, but also terrifying. He is not mine.” Her gaze fell to the counterpane.
“Not yet,” Jane encouraged. “But if you want him, do not let him slip away. Do not make the same mistake I did, because I was too ashamed to pursue Mr. Bingley. If you want Mr. Darcy, then make him yours.”
***
DARCY ENTERED MATLOCK House for the second time that day. Instead of following the butler to the drawing room, Darcy asked to speak with her ladyship alone. He did not wish to be distracted from his task a second time.
She joined him in the library, looking pleased to see him. She approved of his courting Elizabeth, he knew that much. But he had not come to satisfy her curiosity about the walk in the square. Instead, he spoke to her about his plan to take Georgiana to afternoon entertainments.
“I can see no harm in it,” she said. “It is not uncommon for girls her age to be in company from time to time as long as they are properly chaperoned.”
He nodded, unsure how to put his thoughts into words. “Mrs. Annesley is a fine companion for her, in a motherly sort of way. Georgiana has...she has expressed the desire for a sister. I would suspect her of being enthralled with the idea of matrimony, like any other young lady of the ton. But there is sadness in her when she says it. She lost her parents too young. Some days, she seems to consider me the only person she has in the world.”
The countess seemed to consider that a moment. “I would not be alarmed about that. A girl of that age is figuring out her place in the world. Melancholy is bound to overtake her from time to time. And with her come-out approaching... For a shy girl like Georgiana, the prospect can be terrifying.”
Darcy nodded. He remembered how nervous his cousins had been when they made their curtsey to the queen. They were all more outgoing than his sister.
The countess continued, “Giana wants someone she can rely on for advice. Someone who can give her their undivided attention in a way I cannot. I confess, my hands are full with Arabelle this year. I am not giving Nerissa the attention I ought.”
Though he did not say so, Darcy wondered whether Nerissa needed her mother’s attention. Nerissa was a self-possessed and mature young woman of nineteen. She seemed to enjoy her independence.
Lady Matlock worried the embroidery on her sleeve. “My focus should be on finding a match for Nerissa. But Arabelle’s high spirits distract me. The girl is too trusting. She thinks she is grown up and worldly, when in fact she is hopelessly naive.”
Darcy could not argue with that. Most of the time, Arabelle seemed poised and sensible, wise beyond her years. Then she would say something childlike and shockingly innocent. And he would remember she was only seventeen.
“I wish I could do more for Giana,” the countess said. “But she is right, Darcy. Given her situation, it would be desirable for you to marry before she comes out.”
Darcy gritted his teeth. Even though he knew her words were well intentioned. “I plan to, in my own time.”
She folded her hands together at her waist. In an even voice, she said, “Take care, my boy. You have rivals—more than one. Every day you hold back, another man could swoop in. That little trip to Gunter’s was a good start, but your courtship should be further along by now.”
He hardened his jaw. With a wave of his hand, he said, “I do not wish to mislead her. I have not made up my mind.”
Lady Matlock’s eyes widened. “What is there to decide? She has no fortune, that is true, but you have fortune enough for both of you. Giana adores her, and you are in love.”
The words sent a flush through him. He did not like anyone making such observations about him. Especially when they were so astute.
“I admit,” he said, “I admire her. I cannot say whether she feels the same about me. You know her situation. If I made an offer, she might be tempted to accept whether she esteems me or not. I would not wish a loveless marriage on either one of us.”
Lady Matlock stiffened. “Clearly she esteems you.” Her tone grew more animated. “I hate to see such a kind, clever girl facing the prospect of reduced circumstances. If ever I can do anything for her, I shall. But Darcy, I cannot understand this hesitation. You have known her for months. If you are unsure of her affection for you, it is high time you learnt the truth.”
He walked to the window and looked out at the garden. The skeletons of plane trees spread out like a canopy above the dry grass. The multihued bark interrupted the winter greyness.
“I do not wish to make a spectacle of myself.”
“I cannot imagine a man less likely to do so.”
He turned to face her. “You know how catty the gossips can be. If they think me pursuing her, they will tear her apart.”
“Some, yes, like Miss Bingley and her ilk. Not the ladies who matter.”
“You think Elizabeth will be accepted into society?”
“It is a fait accompli. Lady Jersey has already accepted her. I admit, the ton is fickle. Opinion could turn quickly. I would advise you to propose sooner rather than later.”
Was she right? He shook his head. Why was he hesitating, after all?
His aunt arched her brows. “Josh is courting her outright. He is not holding back.”
Anger rushed through him. “Josh is not being circumspect. A man in love should try to behave rationally.”
Lady Matlock smiled, then schooled her features. “What makes you think love is rational?”
“Choosing a person to spend one’s life with should be a rational exercise. I need to proceed carefully. Miss Elizabeth and I have different backgrounds and dispositions.”
“That was true of your parents. They fell madly in love and had a fine, happy, marriage.”
“They were not as different as Miss Bennet and me.”
The countess’s tone softened. “Difference is not necessarily a disadvantage. In the best marriages, husbands and wives complement each other. They make up for each other’s lacks.” She eyed him pointedly. “From that perspective, you and Miss Elizabeth are well matched.”
He looked at his aunt in frustration. A wave of unease crashed over him.
Darcy loved Elizabeth. He wanted to marry her and fill Pemberley with the sound of children’s laughter.
But he also wanted her to love him, as his mother had loved his father. Their relationship had been a source of stability for him. He wanted that for his children. If Elizabeth married for security rather than love, he would feel the pain of it forever.
