The Pall Mall Incola Club was exactly as I remembered it: the outside similar to the gentlemen’s clubs surrounding it but less sophisticated inside. A classy, well-furnished front room masked the spartan interior. Once past that facade, the club was hollow. Leon and I, both dressed in our finest, stepped out onto a large square sand pit and waited to be announced. We stood while hundreds of men stared at us from all levels. After a thunderous applause, Leon took me by my gloved hand and we started our ascension. A wide boardwalk wrapped all around the pit, alternated with steps to make a square spiral staircase. Our seats were at the very top, where the view was best.

We had to pass in close proximity to everyone in attendance. I worried that every man wanted to touch me but not one attempted it. Under each staircase there were hidden alcoves where even more men sat. On every level connected to the landing was another lounge with tables and comfortable chairs and couches. Both of those who had tried to renounce Paetus were there, though the silent one looked at me without recognition. Sally was right; he had been ridden. I inclined my head toward them in a silent greeting which they returned.

Paetus waited for us, all smiles, hugs, and handshakes. He too was unchanged. He, Julian, and Leonus could have been brothers. Paetus wore the oldest body but even that was of a man in his prime. It was only the glint in his eye, so unlike that of a younger man, that gave his true age away. Julian had been the handsome one, most like a youngest child, entirely spoiled, and Leonus was the gentle, kind, and considerate one, like a middle child.

We were seated no more than a minute when Leon stood to go. He had planned a special treat for me and needed to see to its details. He left me with Paetus, a handful of servants, and no less than a baker’s dozen of guards on the topmost landing. My guards were all heavily armed and trained to never allow their attentions to wander from me. They stood far enough back that Paetus and I could speak openly. Sally took the lead and I watched. Tracing the carved designs of the cylinder hidden in my pocket calmed my nerves somewhat.

“Whose prick does a gal have to tug to get a drink in this dump?”

Paetus gave a guffaw. “It is good to have you back, my old friend.” He gestured to a servant, who brought over two brandy snifters filled with a rich amber liquid. “I kept a case of your favorite in reserve.”

Sally took her glass, as did Paetus, and we drained them in one gulp. I felt our face contort with the syrupy sweetness and bitter aftertaste of the liquor. Paetus saw and asked, “Is it not as you remember, Julian?”

“Nothing is as I remember and please call me Ramillia. Someone could overhear, you bloody fool. This body prefers the crisp clean taste of gin. It also chooses subdued flavors over the extreme ones I used to enjoy. At first I thought it might be a difference in the two genders but I think now it is the newness of this body. You and I stayed in our old bodies for too long. You would do well to find a new permanent home. The sensations of everyday living are almost overwhelming.”

They then launched into a discussion I wish I could have missed concerning the sensitivity of breasts and the differences in lust between male and female. Sally made a crude joke about Leonus’ small manhood, when we had no actual knowledge of its size. She knew truth mattered not; all men just want to hear that theirs was bigger and better than that of other men. Our heart skipped a beat when Paetus made a reference we did not understand but Sally covered well.

Sally said, “I find my memories blurring and slipping from my grasp much faster in this body than in my previous.”

Paetus nodded as if he understood. “Probably the smaller capacity for higher thought found in a female mind is to blame, but you have your journals surely?”

It was Sally’s turn to nod. “I try to record everything but the old ones are gone. When you and I so hastily destroyed my previous host we did not salvage any of my most recent journals from my offices. Speaking of important things lost, I came back to London to find that Theodore is missing. Do you know where he might be?”

“Thaddeus’ son? No, not if he left the inn. You had better find him before they come for him. I don’t have to tell you how dangerous the blood-kin to your body can be in the hands of another Incola. Do you think he has run from you? Fool boy if he has. If they find him before you do, he will wish they would kill him, and so will you. I will put my sniffers out. If he’s in the city, we will find him.”

We did not know who Paetus was talking about, but since he acted as if we should, even after telling him of our memory loss, we pretended to understand. “Thank you. If you do find him, don’t approach. I am afraid he will run again. The innkeeper said that he disappeared after two men came looking for him. They spoke briefly to him and the next day he was gone.”

“They took him? Then we are already too late.”

“No. The men came back the next night and were furious that he had fled. They nearly tore the place apart looking. I reckon the mistress had to offer them a bit more personal service on the house than a simple pint, and bangers and mash.”

There were more crude innuendos and jokes as Sally attempted to persuade Paetus that we were Julian. She did a wonderful job, quite convincing as the creepy lecher. Then she told Paetus about the two men who had come to our home asking for sanctuary. She did not feign interest in having them as our own as I had planned. I protested but she told me, We cannot save them all. It is enough that we freed those belonging to Julian.

I wept internally, It is enough…for now. I won’t be satisfied until all Incola are departed and those they treat as chattel are emancipated.

Sally agreed with my heated vision of the future.

Paetus gestured and a few of his servants ran off down the stairs. He stood and went to the banister. A hush settled over the assembly and he announced the beginning of the games. “Welcome, brothers. We are gathered today to celebrate the return of our treasure. The loss of Julian Lawrence was a great blow to our kind but his life was sacrificed so that we might know and love our newest member, our Ramillia!”

The applause was most uncivilized. Sally stood us next to Paetus. She waved to the crowd and forced a smile to her face. Paetus raised his hands for silence and continued, “There will be much change over the next few years as we scramble to find our proper places. Ramillia will be denied nothing. Many of you will join her and many will change houses, but you will be hers only if she wants you.”

Though Sally hadn’t said their names nor given a description, both men were brought to the pit, stripped down to fight. They seemed happy at first, smug even, thinking I had told Paetus I wanted them.

“These two sought to undermine my authority over them. They were disloyal. They went to her on their own. Desertion will not be tolerated.” They were forced to their knees and I tried to cry out but Sally stopped me. She pushed me to a place where I felt carefree, like nothing was wrong. It reminded me of how I used to feel with Julian’s touch.

It was a place I would go whenever Sally was forced to endure something for the both of us. We were fully integrated and so I could no longer escape completely. I saw everything, experienced everything, but only I was allowed to view the horrific events through rose-colored glasses. I hope you do not see me as callous. The story will go on and, in the times like this one, when I describe events in a dry, seemingly uncaring way it is because I have shut down and Sally will let nothing touch me.

I know not what these men had done to so displease Paetus that he would use them in this way. He had instructed them to come to me. He may have even ridden one into my home. Paetus clearly had this planned. Their betrayal was no surprise, and the events unfolded much too quickly to be spontaneous.

Their jaws were forced open, their tongues lopped off. A hot coal was thrust into their mouths to cauterize the wounds. Both men convulsed and then lay sweating and pasty. Their exposed flesh lay in contrast to the bright red spray of blood on the sand.

A capital “I” shape was cut into their backs and the skin opened. Their ribs were disconnected from the spine and bent outwards until they snapped on the sides. They were left barely alive, and the procedure gave them each a gruesome set of wings.

“Ah, the blood eagle,” Sally said. “That I remember. Thank you, old friend. What a glorious way to return. But the cost, two Carriers, is too much.”

“You are welcome. Nothing is too rich for your return, though I should admit that I did choose the two lives I cared littlest for. A small price to pay to know it is truly you inside that feminine form.”

Then I understood, even through the rosy haze. Paetus knew that Ramillia would never be able to stomach such an exhibition. Only a being as cruel and desensitized as Julian would enjoy this. Either way, Paetus had won. If I had attempted to spare their lives, he would have had two spies, his own eyes, in my house.

“Of course, you realize what a commotion you will have caused in my house. I will have to act horrified for Leonus, disgusted by you and your barbarian behavior. You may have cost me my ability to come to the club.”

Paetus looked as if he had not thought of that. He took a small bow. “I certainly hope that is not the case. I did not intend that outcome at all. I can see you are settling into this role quite well, considering all angles. We will be together soon enough, you and I, when you are secure in this body enough to be riding again. Until then, I understand you must play your part. I am ever in attendance in our tenebrae.”

I recognized the word as Latin for “darkness” but didn’t have time to consider its usage. He took my hand and gave the skin just above my glove a kiss. Sally could no more resist the truth-commanding order of Paetus’ touch than I, but she dressed the truth in such a costume. “I find your touch quite repulsive, Paetus. Oh, the female flesh is so fickle in its desires and disgusts!”

Paetus, chuckling, removed his hand and lips. “Here comes your fiancé now. Better affix your mask.”

Sally pulled me to the surface and allowed my feminine humors to take over. I naturally went pale and broke out in a cold sweat. I backed away from Paetus and the rail with fear and horror in my eyes just as Leon made it to the platform. Paetus clapped his hand over his mouth, likely to hide the pleasure at my “performance” from showing. Leon caught me just as I fainted.

 

I woke in the carriage. Leon hovered above me, concern on his face. I recoiled when I felt his hand on my skin. I heard a snippet of the mantra we chanted as a child, Do not touch. Bad things happen. My skin is poison, before Sally locked that memory away. “You forget yourself, sir!”

Leon sat back on his side of the carriage and smiled at me. It was a genuinely pleasant, happy smile, the likes of which I hadn’t basked in for some time. “Actually, I am well within my right to touch you. It is you that forgets, fiancé.”

He had said the engagement was for appearances only but, now, the warm way he looked at me said he had real affection for me. I tried to lift myself from the floor to the seat across him and was successful, though ungraceful. My gown slid and slipped in a way I was unaccustomed. I realized the gown and my corset had been unfastened to give me space for breath. I covered as best I could with the draped articles. “My gloves?”

He tapped his breast pocket. “Here. Safe. They are very interesting. Made from human skin, I suppose.”

I nodded, feeling the green come back. “Julian’s.” I had not stripped them from his body; Paetus had at Julian’s own request. They contrived and executed a plan to retain his gift of touch even after the destruction of his body.

“A word of advice: I might have the tanner put a stitch or two so that they look less like human hands.”

I said nothing. I assumed the sickened mind of Paetus preferred the macabre style and I left them unaltered for his sake. I didn’t care for them and found every excuse not to don them. Tonight had been the only time I had not discovered a vindication ample enough. “You seem quite alert to have touched them for long enough to remove them and tuck away into your pocket.”

“Oh, that? That is the second reason I am quite safe touching you. I have my own gift of touch, though very different than the ones you, Paetus, and Julian possess. My touch negates another’s power. You can see why I have kept it secret for so long.”

I nodded. Indeed I could see. It was a talent that could go unnoticed and gave him the upper hand. That was how, on the first night of meeting me, Leonus had been able to resist the urge to tell the truth even while Paetus choked him. I patted the seat next to me and Leon joined me. I took his hand in mine and relished the fact that he was not about to attack. It was a luxury I had never experienced. My touch excited the passions in all people resulting in the urge to “fight or fuck,” to use Paetus’ words.

His voice broke me from my thoughts. “You did well not to save them.” I looked at him in wonder at how he could think I had done well when two men had lost their lives. “I knew Paetus would try something like that. He tested you.”

“Those two had come seeking to switch loyalties.” The cylinder pressed against my leg and I wondered if activating it could have saved these men.

“To your home? We may need to move up our nuptials. Would you be opposed to wedding sooner rather than later?” When I was silent, he continued nervously. “I know we do not know each other very well but there is mutual respect and…necessity. I think we could grow to love each other and my gift of touch makes me uniquely able to provide companionship when no one else can.”

I stopped him with a brush of my fingertips on his cheek. I had not known he had any real romantic interest in me but his stammering proved it. He was handsome enough but shorter than I, though in all fairness there were very few men of my height born in the ancient world. It was a good match even if all the world could not see it. He was an Incola such as I; one who wanted to save the world from those like Paetus.

I did put one caveat on his marriage plans. As we were able to live untold lengths, I demanded, in the polite and well-bred English way, that I be allowed a divorce, at his fault and payment, any time I wished. Almost 1800 years old, Leon understood and agreed to have the legal papers spelling out our agreement as soon as possible.